Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Dear Joe, You're awesome. You're always awesome. In your own little world, that is. Usually, you're a general pain in the ass in actuality, but you continue to tell yourself that you're a cool guy. You have a very refined taste in music. You can stand certain styles of a genre of music, while others will royally piss you off. Example being techno. Most of it you can't stand. Such as jungle or house styles. But trance you absolutely adore, especially a few certain artsists, mainly being E Nomine. When it comes to metal, you like it hard and fast. Bands like Megadeth come to your mind. Blind Guardian. Liquid Tension Experiment. Etc. What about rap? You actually like some rap, remember? But none of this "gansta" bullshit, where it's a bunch of black guys and their "krew" claiming to be "hardcore niggaz." No. that shit pisses you off. The kind of rap you like happens to come in the form of MC Chris. But that's only because of his amusing lyrics. You like a lot of other styles of music, as well. Punk, industrial, classic rock, and more. Your taste in music is very vast. You currently attend American YouthWorks, which is a charter high school. You're going to AYW because of the fact that you royally sucked at normal public schools. You didn't do the work, you were a general pain towards the teachers, and basically lazed around at school. To you, school's always been more of a babysitting service, because you tended to do jack shit there. You've never had a "real" girlfriend (unless you count that one girl (who's name actually escapes you right now) who you claimed to be going out with (and also claimed to be going out with you, as well) and never did anything more with than a hug and an "I love you" or two), though you're currently in an "affair", so to say, with Tessa. You really aren't too sure whether or not you can say that she's your girlfriend, because you live in Texas, and she lives in Wisconsin. You really love the girl, but are unsure on how to show her. Words simply aren't enough for you. You feel the need to show her in some other way. You're actually thinking on sending her out to visit you some time. Though you know it's going to be murder on your bank account, you don't care. You love her too much to really care about such petty things as money. You have problems around the house. You tend to get into fights with your "family" quite often. Your mother has anger issues, which makes life a living hell for you. Your stepfather doesn't know when to stop talking, which gets irritating really quick. Your brother is simply a spoiled brat who isn't happy until he gets his way. You've considered running away multiple times, but one of the few things that's prevented you from doing so is your love for Tessa. You know that if you were to ever do anything of the sort, that you would lose all contact with her, which would be utter hell for you, as Tessa is your only saving grace. You've never been a star student. Well, ok. So you used to be. Pre-5th grade, that is. In fact, you used to be one of the best students in the whole damn school. But something happened after around 5th grade. I think it might be the fact that you realized (at a rather young age) that school is pretty meaningless. You've known since then that you really never needed to know half the bullshit they've been teaching you. You're never going to need to know how to diagram a sentence. Nobody will ever offer you a million dollars if you can correctly answer "Who was Russia's leader in 1925?" Another reason for your downfall in school and around your family was probably the fact that you realized that the religion you've been taught all your life was a complete and utter lie. You thought about it for a while. You never really admitted to yourself that "God" isn't real, and you'll never go to any "Heaven." You always knew it, though. It's always been in your mind. But this never really emerged enough for you to safely state that you were an atheist until about 7th grade, at which point you were probably considered an Agnostic for about a year, at which point you decided that you were actually an atheist, and that God isn't real (along with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus), you'll never go to Heaven (nor Hell), and that when you die your spirit doesn't travel, but instead you slowly rot six feet underground. This new information proved to you that life is actually pretty meaningless. We all are born, live a short while, and then die. Period. This made you realized that there is no absolute need for good grades or a happy family. Because in the end, they'll all be gone, and that too much of your oh-so-short life will have been wasted. But oh well. You continue to keep at it, anyway, because while you know that you're wasting your life, you also can't stand the constant bitching that occurs if you choose to do otherwise. You have no real plans for the future. You are (very slightly) considering going to a community college when (or if) you graduate high school, and perhaps some further education. You'd like to move to Canada when possible, for a number of reasons. One of which is that you're afraid of being drafted. Another reason is that you want to be as far away from your family as possible (who are planning on moving to Costa Rica or something like that). That, and you have a good-looking friend who lives in New Brunswick. She's really cute, but not your type. You'd like to possibly have sex with her or something, but it'd be based entirely on her looks, and you know this. She's too whiney for your tastes. So, where are you exactly now? It's been a year. Just kinda wondering where you'd be by now. Still in high school? Still in Texas? Any luck with Tessa? Still listening to Megadeth? E Nomine? Rammstein? Nine Inch Nails? Just checking up on you to see how you've been. See if anything's changed. I hope you enjoy reading this, so you know how you were exactly one year ago. Though I'm sure this will be rather meaningless to you, I hope you've read this far, anyway. Have a nice day, Joe. -Joe