this is how we roll

Dear FutureAmanda, So far life has been crazy. I am not sure where this will find you but you will hopefully be happy, healthy and with any luck still in school. I just found out that I got a 4.0 my second term in school. I am a little disappointed that I missed so many days of school this term. I met a guy this term that I think holds real potential. I thought that he was cute the first day of class....and was a little disappointed that I didn't sit closer to him. I noticed throughout the term that he draws (I'm drawn to artistic guys, usually means they are more open minded.) We talked a little bit in groups but nothing that stood out too much other than we had some stuff in common and I thought that we would get along. I knew that we were in the same major so I figured that at some point in the future we would meet and talk and have something in common, sort of a future friend so to speak. Well....after my playing hookie for two weeks after winter break we were paired up into groups for our Mass Media & Culture class, of course Dustin was in my group. Even though I never talk to him much outside of school I consider him a friend. I have seen his band play, bought their album and have invited him to do various things. I really like him, he's a good guy. He's really young though and I just think that there are lots we don't have in common but would be willing to be his friend and hopefully that will work out well. I like being in class with him because he talks. Back to my dish: So our group is the largest in class and NO ONE seems motivated at the end of term to do the work right? So I hijack the group effort and tell everyone what they are doing and where they are meeting me to get it done. That's just how I am. Well, I spent the biggest part of the day with this guy in the group named Jackie. We have a lot in common and by the end of the project I was really crushing on him. He was really easy for me to talk to. It was so bad that at one point, in the elevator, I was daydreaming about just grabbing him and kissing him in the elevator. Since then we have went on one date, I took him out to lunch at Lonestar, he had never been there. We ate great! He was on his way out of town, he actually sat around the parking lot of my work and talked to me for hours. It was the best conversation that I have had with a man in a long time, other than Ern, but he doesn't count in that aspect. He hasn't had a girlfriend before, that scares me. Mainly because I am a fucked up girl and don't want to fuck anyone else up. When I was with Ian it was okay because he was already so fucked up in his own way that I didn't really fuck him up anymore then he already was, I just augmented some of the emotions that caused a lot of his issues. We talked about a lot of things just friend things and a few things that I don't tell everyone. At the end I decided to kiss him, I wanted to make sure that he understood that I was attracted to him because he seemed a little bit insecure and not very confident, which blows my mind because he is adoreable!!! Since he left to go to Manchester I have heard from him every night except last night and tonight. I don't plan to hear from him tonight because it's way later than I think that he stays up. It's so new into this thing that I can't tell if it's going to go anywhere or not, but I'm okay with it either way. I know already that I want to take things slow with this guy. Jackie shows so much potential for being a great boyfriend or a great friend that either way I don't want to fuck this up by jumping headfirst into something and freaking him or myself out. I also know that if we do end up together that it's what we want and because we are similar in what we are looking for in another human being. Right now I don't see anything about him that I don't like, but it's really new and I want us to have a few experiences together to add to what already has happened before I decide what I think of him completely. This not calling for two nights thing is so weird to me, but it's cool because I probably wouldn't have had time to talk either with being with the girls both nights. So I need to just let that go and not worry. He is there to spend time with his family and friends and I need to just wait until he gets back up here, TOMORROW (Actually later today!) I know that it's pathetic but I have acutally been counting the days until he comes back. Not because I need him or anything, but because I really enjoyed being around him and haven't been able to stop thinking about him since we went to lunch last friday. I have a good feeling when I am around him. I feel at ease and comfortable, and incredibly nervous. I actually get the butterflies, I thought that I would never have those again. In general the whole situation makes me happy right now. I had the best two weeks, this happened on friday then I wrote my papers for english and mass media quickly sunday/monday and got a's on both. Then I got my grades and ended up with a 4.0 for the term, which I thought was impossible. Then I got my taxes and fafsa filled out and got lots of money back. I was ecstatic the whole week. And to top it all off I had a hot guy calling me at work, that I actually like and would date if he will ask me to when he gets back. So all in all this week was great. I am going to try and keep this attitude up because I really like it and hope that it will keep me motivated this term. Time to go do laundry before I get tired. Third shift kinda sucks at work but I get paid okay to do it and it doesn't interfere with school and I need to keep that a first priority in my life. Hope you are well. Remember to do this again only list some goals next time to track my own progress in life. But this is a good time for me to write. I am going to send it to myself on Jackie's birthday that way I have a reminder of him if he "disappears" from my life and if he doesn't then I can remember some of the crazy newness. Plus by then I will have an idea of what to list as some goals for the future. PastAmanda