A letter from Sep 05, 2023

Time Travelled — almost 1 year

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, OG LETTER: Dear FutureMe, I'm currently a 16 year old mess I have no idea what I want to do in life I have no idea who I want to be in life I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything. How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing. I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived. I want to live not just exist. I feel so lacking in everything. I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world. I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me. I love you no matter what. ----------------- Dear FutureMe, wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year update time!! so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now. It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well. Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment. Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!! Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well. It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it. what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life. I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come. I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :))) I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2023 reply Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :( who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens, awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3 my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted. haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right. oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you. ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit. yeah iced coffee still does it for me :) its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good) hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya! PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bring on 2024

Epilogue

1 day later

2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...

Lydslrcaati lwli olbpraby ym h,cgena egtgibs life nbee tjus lhyo eth etiner ever **** ceahgn uni hogtruh eiv' ikle. Em iaenns tuoamn ltop eepks of ocucr ohw usjt adn rwlod nungtri, ot eth isttws teh zcary much ahtt its no. I a odlush to i few dspenor utnqssieo lefe eilk ko.
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I,fstylr gutorhh fsloryeu oyu tssart imyres trust ti tspo gngio thrwo you to jtsu em in ot f,les ni 16 ruyo lfie rewe arey it egst naepph my all ym enedxt wnlagolwi noos ldo t,tbere it ouy sa caft lrig as i so tnio rso,ry lwoeh im nda lerayl voe,l. Pdistu as is lceoro nad enop rfom atrst lese sa aywa of than jtsu taht uoy em eyhds yuo sa vahe mi dan rfea iknth i sa up rondua oulocn oyu, oyu rutst ofr osno eladeris as haev ywa nad bgein i seen sliyl dwoul iecxerepsen to veneyreo. H)lcoso lsitl nda lasriee at oyu deos tyin oorlnmha nad nda ouy whti eth pyulaoitrp ssobsede ryve (kaa the poeelp oihornzs ujst scemo crcslie hwree ryou ednapx rome ont and tcerefl up irehch,ary ilfe buebbl 61 rae the reom si orwg iwht htsi emit oals ya,mturit cabk aelr iranotmtp hghi. .
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Evnre efuigr my to teterl lto t'ill aenhgc sa yihglh ha)ah helow ei'v hist toirhsy i cilsssac gtimh w/ im ni mi ouy seur uiocatimonmcn lla hcecio wnok etigngrert nad emdai and uto itb mite ngleain gdeere a asol mjarnloius srdtwao entx yare eb **** angia a ntgsaitr taht dan ym my mi ot tswdecih on(t ubt -.
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Syob nsgiks,i tllsi gtda,ni not bor iel ytpetr edhnib heya - to ggoni ewre'. Dna eibng sekiy bjo up to ertytp you orwg atde so eahy ryt girnulpuyssni a d'sa dsoe wehn a ilchd roop sa. A ti sltli is ihngt ,wno dba yorsr jesok wnko osresluyi iwld cuhm i dlhso you hwo it kagnmi enev si abck ubt. Llo im raaidf a tath ilhtosinrepa sihw hpypa 2025 thmig to had the hatt dan wesn yru'eo peuadt i byoden be yteharp ni i have terteb a but or esltba dna oekrdw. Tahw mi ywa raduno escret uoy autbo thta orf of bnee ot mum ltel eov'yu gciarryn oot so <3 eh yo,u goln ddi epsru uodrp did uyo.
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Sa mhcu eryu'o a emor uecnfinel onti i,t lliw ganbiesmres lfei eth f1 ni etbetr eyre'ht nkwo uroy si't ithw yeuov' nda mi ym etg fo be tbuao my mi ko dan rseu lurmtb ugthho esahsp i sepsah got oyu neev tunslpraeura utb ppyha tasht roem ertagnee asr,one nrciyg iltsl tsap ot my mroe reyv rof listl now, evlo krtbahocw !!ok! a aerltihosipn bsuy ismnhdii i sppesdou a. .
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Ibvelee ont ot stih eoy'ur ogign irlieg ko. . . . The lla you bseba tceso teh eylalrtil ttah you fsefe'co driet esvlhse mf,or ethm 'yuvoe rowk skcto on haye ta plcea. . . . Ahah tplo ttwsi. D'i tond' ta ve'i y jbo reev teh in rfist zyrca ahey em uhcm koncsgti ocest god oigdn at tel!r!et oubat ot 19 niemotn i oneltyhs twah 16 thta toon e'lwl roiddscnee vsheesl o )tlrea aevh get os ,rcy toces ttah ulwod utb eb ym inhtk but odvle ew ho( a ew re,a im dha rehe sa.
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Ldwros hknti ouy meat rdeiw uyo vnee gdrneai cumh bcak gnrtiiw me a'rent uryo as irmagyina nad sa dnohilg esetirs,nt tusrt uyor. Dan it hciwh oyu onwgbekaeeldl a nitg,h and rwdie chmu yuo past tath adn usmsaed msug dame ualev ddo siitesnev me it 17 hetes i nad its ihgtsn 18 dan swa unyfn dna eoimvte at dna in dna kidn leeopp nda os tw,a'ns all dba swa. .
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Ti thlhae, atwh thnki 61 eerw lyoeufsr dik erhew asw ta cna afsre utsrt uot an sneeerixpce rteetb e,m i now swa a wrold own sidsme uyro ega stoaml r'euoy hatt tariely kpee otu at oesth egeeant etmnal sgnsmii you rael ihgnav bti uyo in n,o tereh yuo for out,. .
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Rfteuu me ,oyu vinlig ,em tbteer aer adn peho i" than neeflgi.
Mrtate i oevl no uyo tawh. Uetic atwh " a. Byddu ko dgoni w'ree trtsu em.
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Lwel nshtyel,o y so yssa ouy y ingeb fele a for hsigupn in ,aedts oyru o ntsdoeare o cotes hhgotru, yuo athw in drha erwe lal pures gznimaa fo stmie oend aehda ,kwor ppopy uroy yuo oubat me ewnh thrnkiae oogd ryou oyu hceo rigl upt ofrtfe esh nigvbi acft pudor ni eellvs tehso i odgo 81 weer chsu wekn i sxaem hdier 71 kile eoooolloohoo utjs dna erew uoy iwth. .
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Btu nwo!! nda noamdr it teehr i ----- ti "so hrda hcum htign ihtinggln wsa rhigt - r,ain enarid mi enxegriinecp tlas aehy so so brtepeesm "atth lkdie.
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Efca niogg emim heya if rlig uhhtog cna taht sllit rpi eefcof ti nui tng,sor nto i me dna a ofrfad clue ta talet eicd.
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In me ynfnu 18 to is) ruo - thaehl jstu its het tndo bakc m(i who i i olllllll dlo tnmeal hncseter shes keoj aery gferial ospp inhkt mnea ryors.
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Leph rahd it oyu oto ot to 3 yhae os idninfg nuht dnytfileea honsmt ansfoelpoisr aws i me tdind the a get ym hatts talfoa oer'yu all ellve tub the ggnio terffo inu plhe wsa rfsauec ektp tpu ot godo tryeaph rsfti ojb oesm nweh cool it eedn dan ni tngih wnhe mcuh tuo at lcoo.
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Edno delyaar dnto batou htguorh eht htnik oo,yooonohaow wnet ot i ginod i bahl and os atth bjo peke kown eb we habl tno to emsse nailtkg mum ti itgnry llew ot sith, aehy rof balh.
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Ifgtirln so erhe rctlhtaeo unakcp theres oby thwi ok oogd tol boy ho oh dydub boy ho a rveo so,nme to. Ekil oyu fo sttwi otehs me ktitoks ees tolp odltnuw this me eeilebv si si metmno b"otua "2230 teh hre lnitleg eht htta 2204 hwen. Crate shti yilaltrle cntoan hwo owlud sryro thmoaf i rilg rytso ot uoy. To inlsk olly owh this otorcd asol. .
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Eyht saw idd htye ggde,sah dan irwed dilek ti imh estlp iylabaslc oyu yeha u'yreo can esh reh htuhgo be os ehs wuodl ,etm yaeh so efsslhi neve ti twah, mog dna i nkew tlel told eyisk jtus you ynwsaay elik os ?t?????o?rgee??th. Catf doen oicntsa i by hre a hes sshe notd tath esse odtl fredni tnio tath ont ywnyasa yuo nda emnat yarlel uoyr besueac esuaceb was enepdo tbu oerm ess'h tros eyes fo ti taht slshfie og the he godo nad sa os as ogrwn s????eya eevnr aawnn ot hes 'sesh aws igaeooplsd rdah ibcyalsal hre ti ro. . . . Fro itsh adrye gte. . . Het some me ustj sercedw a lweho ton a nw?o??? usatiotin ti ohw ehs theor tbaou pu yug, hwen ustj dna imh hes dntdi hcmu gte oyll eojk dema i fb has. Ti me mean elik eesdsm i estdrat mdesse pu mnoskgi i leisrsuyo ,pu eellsv fo me. Moske em laerly i uoy yrrso pnhpesa knwo :(((( mi ygueron me ntwa **** to dtdin.
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A hwy ehyt tgtengi etrlilaly mi 'tnswa em wtan i tog jbo osal tdwunlo dqfliuaie htta thonysle a rdh,a ylukc ehay enpors oodg but. Iaang) eulniecnf mac seetme shti eeys on flse em hte earst a(ka my ym eimrvpo dna of epldhe stih ygu sopo oeg lisuorsye si ym ni.
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U,lsieo aveh oc,ahtarlt oryu )ect mgnoiv dshefs,iprin niu eth ervy sone on lwli ptacim iwll iwll yatlucla ditrf adn sdeirfn ytas litelt (aka ****** aenmt ot ruyo enos hte eht ot ear to rutts metan ,htur olt me ttah. Pu y'ollu nda wen secorl oals neve gtietng pu rg/urcbeya peelpo few isltl ruyo lebanlae ntwo nde wya fniersd ni hwit lot aolng kcip kaa am(rk a nda mmjyi eht tonas a y'ollu elhim).
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Im lfie fro lliw lhyhate a afnifconti yorwr the go reeht uyro rmoe ershte on be you eht tbu aenetmi,entnrt ouy a oyu aawysl out fo tarp ecnbela teh lrye rlwdo sreu lwli sels odnt fan gib.
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I u,gsy em si ni tsal f,fo twhi ilef letps wksee fseird,n nayllif tanebe a 2 eht tustr ttah my aywa in is pu ndeo pu cipkign orme nepeapdh my me 3 mofr ssrasssssye rdauno t,eridap me, atnh mdae the sienredtet mhoe guys tkinh eikl wd,ee het hsa vhea i mkse,od otl, deandc esar ynlrae to ni bp,u iwht ta idrnev gto enfdsri ive mamyrsu. Genach mi gaugnhli ho" i but lttlei tsih aery eosd ginog ndot ta i'm todub nteotcn ietm esru llwi mi hse het twhi ehrew tnomem at myfesl iun kw"on owh eb for ll'i entx rvientehgy. K(ntha ktnhiare nad oeeplp gpetirfsin amgnik rfo owh ujts to shatt uoy nda ta vleo my acm htta ycr i me at aveh owrdl a)inlrsaieto a em. Hatt rettbe sryac for ingog nda the ecaghn ubt sit apelse is to ehfylpluo ): all.

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