Letter from the past

Dear FutureMe, This is kind of weird... do you remember doing this, but real letter-like from that church camp that you so hated? Now I can do it with e-mails... isn't that fun? So, you're depressed and lonely right now. The people you live with left you and went to a concert, so you're sitting there in your underwear wishing that someone liked you enough to come over and keep you company... But no one does. It figures. You hate your best friends right now, but you're stuck with them until, basically, you can get out of that little burg you call home and get away from that god-forsaken place. You daren't tell them... their feelings might get hurt. But what you're really afraid of.. the REAL reason you don't tell them... is that you're afraid that their feelings WON'T get hurt... and that would be worse than any feeling on this planet. So you keep it to yourself. You're keeping a lot to yourself these days... fighting bulimia and self-injuring urges, violent and harmful images going through your head... does that still happen? Do you still think about how it would feel to kill someone or watch someone die? Or even just hear their screams as they were maimed and tortured? Do you think of all the different ways you could die and not get blamed for suicide? Because you sure as hell used to, even inadvertantly, and it scared the shit out of you. Everyone you have ever cared about has left you because you're fat, ugly, and clingy. Have you changed? Somehow I doubt it. Maybe someday you'll find comfort and peace. Or maybe you'll just die young or kill yourself. Either way.