Are You Still Stupid?

Dear FutureMe, Hey, Dumbass!! Are you still screwing around with Ralf!! If you are, this email is to remind you how utterly used and shitty you feel since it happened again today. Remember, right after, when the bullshit chit-chat started and he wouldn't look at you but insisted he wasn't getting "weird"? Yeah, hey guess what, Idiot, he WAS getting weird. AND, it's not like today was the first time...he's done this to you FOUR times. Now he's "busy" again and not talking to you and suddenly you're "just friends" and there are no steamy Hushmails or IMs. Hell, on the way back up, you had the elevator alone and he stood on the completely opposite side and discussed something you weren't listening to because you were so weird about him acting so weird. REMEMBER THIS, IDIOT. What the hell happened to you? You were never an angel but for Christ's sake...he's MARRIED. And you WORK with him. And now you think you're in LOVE with him? Please, if you haven't already....get a fucking grip. He's charming, brilliant, hilarious and gorgeous and he's still just using you. It may not be malicious but guess who's getting hurt in the end. Yeah, you guessed it -- not him. And if George finds out? Well, say good bye to him now because you don't deserve him anyway, Moron. Sure, he's boring, safe and has issues but you're going to be 36 in one month....what are you looking for? A circus every day? Ralf put sex on the list of "can't say, can't do". You ain't sleeping with him anymore Honey. He feels too bad about doing that (of course, doing everything BUT that is okay which is weird in and of itself) (I mean, cheating is cheating and even I know that so...if you're going to do what you guys did today, why not fuck, too) and claims he lost 10 pounds that week you actually did do it that one time. I thought that's how this whole thing got started...he wasn't getting any at home and neither were you. Of course, you said you wouldn't fall in love with him either.... So, I'm sending this three months ago. I'm hoping that will give you plenty of time to GET OVER THIS. By then, you and George will have had a birthday, signed another one-year lease and be back on the road to trying to make some sort of a commitment involving vows or something like that. If you have not moved on from Ralf (whether you're still in love with him or not), grow the fuck up. My Gods, this cannot be much fun anymore. Like an addict, you lived for the build-up, the compliments, the quick trips to the elevator and the steamy messages, then after a real encounter, he'd be weird for three days while you suffered all sorts of heartache. If you have moved on, I hope this all was a lesson learned. Although knowing you as well as I do, I'm sure it wasn't but I have hope that one day, you'll figure it out before you die.