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Dear futureme, I'm fourteen, and still a little kid inside- the idealistic girl, who wears boys clothes, and can wrestle with the best of them. I'm the one who believes in bad guys and good guys and perfect families, and I'm discovering that good people die too, not just the bad ones. The good people leave sometimes, the old ones die, the bad ones torment you- life just isn't fair, but I think it should be. I'm not really a little kid anymore, so I don't go running to my mom everytime something upsets me, but sometimes I wish I could. Instead, I huddle with my blankie wrapped around me, holding onto a stuffed animal, knowing that my life depends on how well I can sit like this- comfortable and content and reassured that everything is ok. Somedays I'm growing up, discovering the changing world- everyday I question, even though most I'm too afraid of the answers. Change still scares me- dresses still scare me- life still is supposed to be happy and good. But eventually, I'll have to accept the world as the rest se it, and function as a big kid. I'm scared of that day, and I wish I never had to change. My body is almost the same as it ws in fifth grade: a little taller, a pound or two lighter, longer hair, lighter skin, but nothing else is very different. Swimming has become an encompassing part of my life, and I love it. My dedication to the sport is one of the only traits I have of an adult- discipline, a work ethic, knowing how to have fun. The rest of me is a little kid, but inside, I know I might be changing, and thats scary, and I don't think I like it! Are you still little or have you crossed the threshold? What is driving like? Future me, who am I? Have I discovered what I want in life yet? Do I have a plan? I sure hope so. I hope I am still little, and idealistic, and fun-loving, but that I've gained some sense of the real world, and maybe have a boyfriend. I hope I can accept change more easily, and I hope that parts of me never change. I hope I'm swimming, and playing water polo, and doing dragon boats (each in their own season) and loving every minute of it. Good luck with your senior year, future me. Have fun! Stay the same. Love always, the 14 year old child me