No Idea!

Dear FutureMe, I have no idea why I'm writing the future me at this date but heck! It can't hurt, can it?? I love using futureme.org! (I have it in my favorites at this very moment!) Ohmigawsh, self! There is always SO much tell you. Lemme think, today is Friday, Febuarary 3, 2006 @ 7:29 PM....it's been an OK year so far but usually the best part of my year is the final six months....summer, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas! Then six SUCKY months then things feel good again! Maybe I'm one of those people with light disorder or whatever...you know, maybe that's why I've been feeling kinda down lately but on another note self I have figured out who I am.....made a new friend...lovely girl by the name of Lizzie....thought about taking my learner's permit too many times and STILL not done it...... You know what my worst fear is self?? To have never done anything...to have simply allowed myself to go through the days of my life finding no meaning in either my life or my days....sad isn't it?? To think that's what happens to some people! But I'm not sure about the meaning of MY life.....no self, I am not thinking about offing myself. I might have my problems and stuff but certainly I'd never want to throw in the towel...where was I?? Oh yeah, I've been thinking about maybe becoming a missionary...whaddya think?? You know another one of my worst fears?? Realizing I have lived an ordinary life!! I DON'T want to live an ordinary life! I want to live an EXTRORDINARY life.....I want to go, do, touch, and smell and love and experience my life! And I guess at this moment in time I feel a bit like life is passing me....like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else do what they want with their lives....I know it's probably terribly selfish......and it is but still, a girl has needs, doesn't she?? I think maybe and this might sound crazy self, that maybe just maybe Satan might be trying to make me feel down. I know it's crazy!! Especially since I've never been on his most wanted list......but I don't know.......I've always thought that I MUST have a very big purpose to my life.....sometimes I think I can almost feel something in me shouting at me that yes! yes! There is going to be something HUGE about my life! Yes! I will touch other people's lives....I might suffer for it but I will.....I'll make a difference...... I know, I know.....alert! alert! There's a wacko in my head! But it's like the second time I've thought about it and well, usually if something is crazy or stupid I don't think about twice.....I just think about it once and then it's gone but this thought seems to stick with me...... Also I haven't done my devotions either today so perhaps that's it too! Sigh..... Anyway, I gotta go!! Feeling very frustrated, mad, angry, upset, discouraged, overwhelmed, etc, etc!!! Love, Your Self--moron! LOL!