Subject it can't get worse

Dear FutureMe, Ok... today we are a mess, but then I guess we always have been a mess. I am trying to blame circumstance: being robbed, being broke, being stuck in a dead end job. Life sucks, but it is our own fault. We made the choices and here we are, at least for the present. It's funny that I thought each and every choice was logical and practical at the time. I am an idiot. Maybe that will change when this reaches me, but I doubt it. I was only going to have two beers this morning. I am on the forth. I am a loser. Oh yeah, I have a "good" job and all that. It looks good from the outside, or at least I think I am sort of keeping up the facade. I don't think I can keep holding it all up for much longer, but I have said and felt that many times before, and have always managed to pretty much keep it together. Will I be reading this from some looney bin? Or will it just be sitting in some cyber dead zone? I suppose I should not set the date too far ahead, or I won't get it later, being so unstable. (although , from all outside appearences, I am stable....shhh, don't tell anyone the truth.) Someone's 10 year old boy is missing. My kids are Ok. Maybe messed up, but at least alive and healthy. Rachel will graduate this year, and move on with her life. I am so proud of her. Robert might pass 8th grade, or not. I wish I could help him. I am a rotton mother.... too many holes in my own education to help my son. I can fake it enough to get by in my own life, but I can't help him. He is so angry and I am still running from all anger. 4th beer is empty. lighter is missing. Still waiting for the natural gas guy to come by and turn the heat on. It is cold, and I am still a loser.