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Dear FutureMe, I hope by the time i read this in 11 months time, I have already found and love myself more. Today, my anxiety and brokenness is killing me. I never would have thought that I will reaching the point of liking him. From the moment I had a glimpse on him, I know that we have a connection. I never would have thought that I will reach this point of my life that I will have this special feelings for you. I prayed to God, for Him to continue to guard and keep safe my heart. He gave me you. At first I was so in denial. I thought what i'm feeling for you is just purely friendship. But you are so unfair. You have given me wrong signal. You made me believe that I can be loved by someone else. I thought I was so special to you. You made me believe that. You made me believe that it is finally you who I will bring to my parents. By the way, my family likes you. I just don't have the guts to tell them that, it is just me and you and not us. Thank you for hurting me. because now, everything make sense that I know someone out there will accept me and will not take me for granted. Thank you for the pain you brought me, even though I know it was not your intention. The intimacy that we had, I just want to let you know that it was real on my part. Everytime you hold my hands, how I wish I can really hold your hand for the rest of my life. Everytime you wrap yourself around me, how i wish its gonna be you who will make me feel secure for the rest of my life. The love that I felt for you was real. Thank you for the moment you always make me feel beautiful. Thank you for the appreciation you have given me. I am sorry if I was too guarded. If only I can, but that is not me. Thank you for being my beautiful what if. Thank you for giving me the idea of marrying you. Thank you for the idea of you being the father of my kids. Now, January 14, 2017 0955pm. Promising myself that this has to stop. You are not worth it. I am finally detaching myself to you. There will never an us. I am sorry lord. please give me the heart that waits patiently. I will be okay.