A letter from December 8th, 2013

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Jeff, You've forgotten about this email, that's fine. It's 2013. You broke up with Cait for the final time 8 months ago. It's been difficult. You've been angry and depressed. You hate everyone and everything seems stupid to you. Did it get better? Will I always feel this hopeless? Will I always feel this afraid? You asked a girl out for the first time in a long time a few weeks ago. Do you even remember Kayla? She made you feel stupid and afraid and excited for the first time in years. She woke you up real good. She brought your heart and soul back from the dead, and you owe her for that. You will always owe her for that. She's your perfect woman and if you've let her go, you owe yourself a punch in the **** ... *******. Today would have been your ten year anniversary. You were so undescribably in love with her when you wrote this. You should take a moment to reflect on that. Do you love her more now? Do you still love her at all? What have I done with my life? Do I still work at GameStop? Do I live comfortably? Am I happy doing what I do? Do I still wake up every morning and ask myself what I've done with my life? What was it all for? What was it all leading up to? Who has stuck around? Who left you behind? Who have you left behind? How is Russ? How is your sister? How are your parents? Your mother is about to move in December. Do things get better when she leaves? Call your father. He wasn't the best father when you were younger, but he was your best friend when you grew up. Is he still disappointed in you? Does he still wish you were more? Do you still wish you were more? The things that are important to you when you wrote this email won't be the same as when you read it. Isn't that interesting? You just cut all your hair off. It's only been a month and already you've forgotten what it feels like. How many other countless things have you forgotten? Did the night terrors ever go away? Did I ever get to sleep? Tell the most important person in your life how much they mean to you. I just did. It was Russ, as if people don't already think we're ***. I'd wish you good luck, but by the time you're reading this, it's probably too little too late. I wonder if you ever stopped loving the fire. I wonder if you ever stopped living in your crucible because it was too easy to embrace the pain when it was all you knew anymore. I wonder if you got stronger. I wonder if you got better. I wonder if you started feeling things again the way you used to. You've been so wrapped up in your fear and your anger and your pain that it made you numb. It was all you felt for so long that you stopped being able to feel it, and anything else. I'm writing this letter because I can't feel any hope for the future. Hopefully I was wrong. Hopefully in ten years I'll be able to feel hope for the past. Best Wishes, Past Jeff P.S. It's 12/08

Epilogue

5 months later

Dear Jeff,

You were right that I forgot about the letter. But I was excited to read it. I know you'd be excited to know I've read it. See, I...

Ehnt owh wsa wokn i. . . My odwsr kwon onw i. Ot nnpngail wsa itsh by thta erad teitnrw teertl i adonru oknw ti a eorspn ot be woh as'nwt. Ln,ap mshnot a oyu teh wef od memeberr tpidsu hsti, aerft god ni hgitn ndoybo iutdsp be as ihts ttah ehtar only yaw, nda you edptspo atth a iotn ltef sa ouy odg saw dna dweir oyur irinwtg i with your loudw teh you on chum nra pu eabl ot evlo atht oyu caem thta. Yuo a week you nda to thta you decided a,eltr ofr lyon ot cddeeid i ownk vsrievu ,hmi iruevsv orf hnte.
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Danhcge ofr trvyigneeh nhte you. Os oyu ogt better hmcu. Ertetb os tog geyhnitevr cumh.
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I i hsudlo uyo eugss atth onrtf yor'ue pu aomrnye fjfe ltle tno. Yuo gcdhane naem ouyr. Urey'o lrhacei wno. Ttha aellry it adn lal syas. . . Ee,s amne gdecnha yuo syrulfeo oyu ryuo escuabe geanhcd. Penros nagched os emas etrbte orf uyo eth - - oyu het enwr'te taht and eiradelz you enytiler mryenao yoghhtourl. 3102 gneuoh ngohue iniameg feer egfniel rues a ttah fsoryeul dna btuao cshoe ewohl you nema? in drmebeec acn you ewn.
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Uynnf aaykl yuo tionemn. . . Dnah ni it adh a esh. Ideddce to nesroa elosyfru e'shs rfo hte ilve oyu. And wond 4 oruy ahcron hnte uoy nad it esosdinpre onyl eth bhto rouy dleats hmnost rtinohpaelsi fo okot. Erh act fo geyrveitnh ,pu evne uyo you nghdaec it did korbe reokb snsinked ghhuot atefr yuo an nad hes eta,hr. Feart ouy cewti etadd ttha ehr. Etn hre lraet eeierdcv iths yuo weer ewnh yuo idngta tleetr, seayr. D'intd etrhe it it,sem rkwo all. Yufsrelo guhtta ngthsi oucedv'l uoy adn vrnee rhe kweo you thta you zrdelaie lla botua seh t,semi tbu touwhti erteh pu. Oury ent ss'eh tbes feirdn aotlsm fro hnet ebne csnie all eht fo yrsea. W,on tbho hte still hse of evne ouhhgt si enbe no ash e-ukapbr arhd uoy.
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You uyo nrteud eddcdie dranou vli,e stngih refta to. To cshool a ni twne eary, a na ogt ni uyo tog kabc dna lost enht teebtr enht icecsen 105 otrecpmu yuo oryu uyo ebtetr evne gerede jb,o ,bjo pousnd. Dela o'euyr wno ynpaomc a amte ethaalrhec at a. You, yo,u lkie ryuo opleep tgohsuth valeu nad olepep. Paittnrom si ohw uyo, ot tey n'odt htta wnok veen oyu i fi.
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Uyo n'tod evli ocyalmbftor. 10 sohet mdea ecisdn,osi bda eth neth gnipay inescdsio won aemd meso you adn oerv oems orf abd cnssiidoe oodg e,rasy uoy o'urye. O,nyem kmea lto ouy fo but ehav a a lto tebd uyo fo. A a dferome aehv ni neic uyo of vahe a ra,epamttn uyo but otn iecn noorbgdhoeh,i. Neontct oyru'e a,pyhp otn wyasla but ytomsl eou'ry.
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Gddneiw at wree oe-bsct russ o'tsny mne nda you. Teh yuo trehe neaspareilb llsit era fo. Elft olyn who hwo oyu btoh ltfe o,uy but atht yuo and tyrhe'e aesdk onse ermtat eth ew wkno. Ouy ruyo arel ti aymlfi, heetry' won and wkon. Nwko too it eyth.
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Ifel ot a uroy go rnui yuo mhreto ofr ocnacn-tot ouyr teisr adn long eitm. Ot'nd olse eovr ti seple. Bttere off - rihapep roy'eu nad. Again hngist evig ,pu athcp nvree you uoy voer uyo ttha peorw erh tbu yatelulvne. Ttha oogd meak dioesiscn aobtu uoy.
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Esopipot thefar edos eht ruoy. Sreay stpa ofr to akme eh ish ten steho erov keismsat reist up rahd so. To ouy is uhtogh fro eh dhra igatnas iwkgron ierts yevrngtieh so do chmu vene him os. Rmoo ertoh rfo rtisf 3 in the ni ubtao thgri hte 'seh ni sryae pnsroe isinvitg mtie ,wno. Erew own uyo eh reogteht uoy ear glviin nad atnh recslo veer. Stth'a atwh sietmoems it atesk. 'esh tddnuanrse uyo of uy,o so rdopu wyh nad. Oer'uy of oto you, proud.
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Uory hint tbu sti' bkac nam, wtih ginwgro oyu etnhos tterpy u,ot be ish'ar atgto i. Eth ry'ueo bakc ot in tiarsngt labd. Ookl otabu and it all is't not aaign sbet ryuoe' fof the ttgunci intignkh. Chmu as ti hist mninage tneods' m,tie hhtguo heav. Timrmsagap mtie, t'is htis puer. Maten nwok ot htaw gnueoh to i iomntne uyo - ti tnhe ti.
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The rrtsero ghnti teg brttee. Yreltfeqnu but mceo og as adn ont s,till yeth. Tath uyo ot teg soyrr optrer mi' ot vener eples. Tnsdoe' ouy termta uoy it llwi who ertid eilltt or how slepe, eb saaywl chmu. Ot esdu ou'rey otughh it. Wya 'tsndoe ni ndtas ti rouy omrayne.
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To tell trteam eht onkw who why i ttha ni fiel em my tretam you entdwa elpepo ythe. You ndtd'i wlayas lelt eunhog eilk telf 'its mteh uyo eesbcau. 'rouye etetbr taht nwo ta. Ouy olve tspo glltine leov ouy eman hemt ouy bceusea leopep eelpop tlle uoy n'odt dna e,thm yuo t,i hwne. Konw yhte ti. Erew' srsu *** ltsli lopeep hitw inhkt.
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Ouy dna eerw the deerhrcase risodesnpe vnilog a you egecllo otl oyu tpso ni lc'ondtu lhwei tuoab why rlndeea iefr nieitydt loweh. Part ruhctc of niap you sa cishpcy ti edsu a a cemabe uoy tlnui. Knid ohitwut eb ouldnct' npsroe agnmiei het udo'y ti fo oyu. Gadngrgi yuo it othtghu it oyu deam btu wsa aer, hwo ouy ouy down. Efw nloy ouy smohnt a rwee ignrnela rmfo let go ot.
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Teosrrng got uoy. Tog ouy eetbrt. Ti otn ,lefe ot reuyo' ertehi dan eadrtst uyo utbao syh. Osrwire veha oyu lilts. Eahv ilslt yuo rltobsue. Plans ehav utb you. Ehva oyu dmesra. Uoy pho,e urfetu hobt dna hte eht pats veah rfo. Eb yoak oeyur' ot igngo. To etska ,ahdr eb uroy'e emit hee,rt it long utb si't ot to egt rheet gte a nda lyaler ggoni oggin.
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Gdoo kluc.
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Ihswe,s setb.
Frtueu rclehai.
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P. S. 'ist ot proupst royu hnwe the dan go sartt ont fneaulr - rewe emak 1082 ehyt uyo die os ni ot teh rmobenve - told keli aiflmy cordto, ufl sick meee,btsrp lgefeni elif aeaenrsmntrg in uoy ouy on.
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Ti i cudol hist efbero lu'wtond haev if lalcauyt ti looc pnhepdae? rdae eb.

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dora.androlic:

over 2 years ago

This letter is beautiful. I hope the person who wrote it accomplished everything they wished for 10 years ago. ❤️ Man that’s a lot of time.

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