The blithering idiot that I am...

The year inreview (2004) went something like this. you were deployed to Iraq on March 04, 2004, and you swore up and down that you were not volunteering for shit, but then waht happened? you extended, not only did you extend out here, but you extended your contract. not only did you extend your contract, you accidently extended it a year, vice 6 months. I know you hate your life right now. it is January 25 2005, and you miss home, miss Anna, miss your brother and friends. you started two different websites. the first was a Xanga site www.xanga.com/xamaxofgod. do you still write in that one, you are already veering away from it in favor of yoru live journal site where your user name is xamax_is_dead. you haven't wrote in that one much lately either. you are always tired, you miss alcohol and wonder if you are an alcoholic or not. you might be. you might not be in love with your fairy anymore, she wants that, you want to love her forever just to prove her wrong, want to be forever miserable just so she knows how much you love her, and maybe when she passes away she will regret what never was between you. you have had several mighty blows struck to you in 2004. a kiss from the woman you love more than anything, and some promises spoken, and then nothing. you are left with nothing at all to show for it but a memory, and sometimes, not lately, but a few times through out the year you thought about it, and it made you angry, sad, and love more. you experienced mortars in Iraq this year, and they scared you even if you don't admit it. so this should get to you 2 days after you get out of the Corps. you have decided to get out after they made you Comapny Clerk and you have been here a year working for ass clowns. God you hate your life at times. God you love the wrong people all the time. 23, almost 24. you hope to spend your 24th B-day in the states. and you should. it will also be the first time you have been in the united states for St. Patrick's day since you became legal to drink. you are at times glad things are working out for your love, and at other times extremely sad. you had a life in your head. you have to learn to bury that. you haven't as of yet, it comes up at the most in oppurtune if times. you know what I changed my mind future me (as i am want to do at this point in my life.) i will sent this to you the day after your 26th birthday. so March 19th 2007. maybe you will still have this email address, maybe you won't. fuck I dunno when I am going to send it to you. younger me wants to tell you this. Get laid, get married, your ass better be in school, a famous rock star, or have a job that pays at least 70 a year. and you had better be living in Cali. YOU HEAR ME!? you don't want to move back to Oklahoma, no matter how nastolgic you get. You always were an ass clown. you sometimes forget that fact. you think you are better than a lot of people, and you aren't you have weight problems, and probably will for the resst of yrou life. you need to change your diet, but you like to eat to much, you aren't fat now, but you could be. you need to find a nice girl like the one you love now, and you need to get to know her and love her, and then make a life for yourself that includes her. you love yourself at the end of the day, but sometimes you don't know why. you are a procrastinator, but what else is new. You got your last email from here just yesterday, and only a few goals had been met. your car got stolen, but you found it again, and you had to pay for it even though you were in a war zone. jeez, Erwin. sometimes you think you are pathetic, and sometimes you know you are. there is nothing wrong with falling in love and the person not loving you back like you want. you have a lot of things going for you, or so some people tell you. you just have to belive it now. go and make beautiful babies, and don't puke in the back of people's cars anymore. oh and never ever ever ever come back to this desert.... you hate it here. you know who the fuck I am... It's Pimp Juice