why can't i just fucking die?

Dear FutureMe, he, i hate myself... i really want to die. i guess that it's not so much that i have myself as much as i just want to die... i'm tiered of hurting this much, i'm tiered of having my parents see me as a broken toy. i mean, it's the night before i move for college and am out of their lives for, hopefully, forever, and they are yelling at me. why? becuase i went over to my best friend's house to say good bye. all year they've been yelling at me and telling me i'm worthless. i'm nothing but shit. i'm not even that. i'm tiered of feelining so hated and alone. why are they acting like this? well, it's because i'm no longer their damn puppet. they can't tell me to do something and make me jump anymore. i'm a human being with thoughts and desires and they have to deal with it. they just don't know how to so they keep shoving me into a box. they keep hurting me.. they keep telling me that i'm not good enough and that i never will be. i want to die. i just want to curl up and cry my damn eyes out. i want to puke, i want to feel like i'm worth something, like i'm worth while. i've never been fucking good enough and i'm fucking tiered of it. everyone i've ever known has been like "you need to change jessie, you will never meet par." and i've begun to believe that maybe they're right. maybe i'm not good enough, maybe i never will meet par. i mean dan, my only true love, left me for a girl on the internet! if that doesn't prove i don't meet standards, what the hell does. i don't want to be anything extraordinary, i just want to be good enough. i want someone to say, "jessie, i love you because of who you are, i never want you to change a thing. i love YOU, you..." why can't i just be good enough? i mean what the HELL is so damn wrong with me? what the hell is wrong? i want to die. -jessie