Happy Birthday!

Dear FutureMe, Happy 30th Birthday! Now that I've gotten the pleasantries out of the way, let's get down to business. What's the matter with you, huh? You're not dating anyone, are you? I knew it. Look girl. You need to get busy. You need to be assertive. You need to get out there and do what you know needs to be done. And why not do it? You did loose all that weight, right? At least, tell me you lost most of it? Some of it? Didn't you? Never mind. Don't tell me. I think I'm better off not knowing that one. Either way, I'm pretty damn sure you should have changed by now, hopefully for the better. And I'm not just talking about looks, either. I hope at least you are better off than I am now. This has been a hell of a week. I think you remember the one. It's the one right after the interview. Yeah, that one. I hope you haven't forgotten The Plan. Sigh. You probably have. You remember, The Plan, the hiatus you're going to take soon. I hope you've saved enough money to do it right. You better have, cause I'm telling you now; I need it. Anyway, in case I've turned into a basket case (or if I've become even more of one, depending on your view) and have completely lost sight of who I am, I'd like to remind you of a few things: 1) Do not let anyone tell you who you are. 2) You have every right to be happy; so if you're not, find out why and fix it. 3) Chocolate makes it better. 4) Never get your hair cut or dyed when you're upset. 5) Never run when you can walk; never walk when you can stand; never stand when you can sit; never sit when you can recline; and never recline unless you sleep. It just struck me how strange this is: I'm giving advice to my older, hopefully wiser self. Hmp. And if you are married, do me a favor and go have wild sex with your love tonight. Love, Me - June 15, 2004 PS. Absolutely do not name your kids some weird, pseudo-French, or made-up name. Make it an easy name to spell, possibly one that is easily shortened to a nickname. And for God's sake, if you name your kids after people in the scriptures, make the names ones that are normal. Don't doom my children to lifetimes of Moroni or Zarahemla jokes.