Hi AlishaDid you do it? If the thesis is over that’s already something to smile about regardless of the outcome. I don’t know how it went but I’ll try for you. Do you remember I wrote one of these letters when I was sobbing over my bachelors thesis? I told you I’m doing this for you so you can do this masters program. So that you could feel accomplished and advance your cv. I wanted to set you up for success in a good job. That’s why I’m suffering through this. Right now I’m at a low point. I’ve stopped doing things that are good for me like the gym, running, meeting friends. I’ve stayed inside all day. I’ve cried every day this month. I hate the process of this. I hate feeling so behind in life and I hate feeling so useless. I worry that I’ll never make it out. I want a job to feel like I’m not just a wasted human and a consumer. The reason I’m suffering through this is to give you the best chance at having a job that lets you feel fulfilled. I’m grateful for younger me for suffering through. I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t. So I will for you. I hope this is over for you.
Epilogue
5 months later
Hi sweetheart. I didn't get the passing mark you hoped for. It was over for a long time. I stopped with academics because of burnout. I know you tried really...
Rdah. Vige tsginh you godo taht to i'm hda rfo up yorsr eerw uoy. .
Oyur i het hiktn isrtip n'dot edverdse amdicaec wrlod. .
Ehav tghim dan tath ihktn uto lowud rlleay ophe iygrtn sawlya ujst hhutgot i ossl i nbru fo hard to vhae nrbotcdieut htta orslce grinb me het i hatt dah btu.
Anc go yuo nweh thwi dan yuo i'ts ttah htat an sti' rcae i setady btu whtro wonk otn neracednu aevh ristpn miomesets iuhgsnp a all. Ptsnri stin' esisht tgiinwr a ellyar. Nluit sotl it uoyr to am a few ekil ujst ordwek tngsih hatt in naigsty werot fo giacm blacrheo of yuo 4 etg nda wnok rdi ssithe pu i. You but pdee krwo so lcsusu!cfes tser uflwa lenifge nad it nede subtsr uyo aubot ypelocletm ttah if do ruoey' yuo were ekil cna. Neuhgo rtwen'e yrsleouf yuo oyu ecuaesb dgnuor the ylerusof nidog 'snawt hngcinag ilelgnt ndgviri wree ot qcuki teh uegohn ecooutm nad. Stw'an pdee rworide imegonsth yuo tres lasawy eeausbc teh oneuhg tobau reew. Ywlasa oyu od oetsmgnih lfte ot uyo lkie ndeede. Sdkweeen esisioalc tme oyu uoy eewr nwhe rscexiee and if hetso adn to reage be ads issthe reef let uyo eyerv ntiirgw neev 'wrneet rfom ayd wree lagso.
Ssmotmiee ot sjut ok evli dna 'sit tbhare. Leiv ubt shit dnidt' it elryal uoy wenk uoy. I dah ot.
Hte aresf 'odnt smae sa nad ethy me ilslt btu chum i sa bodust ecnusmo ouy haev. I vgsei wath dna i me ttha muosnec ehpo tcetnon i no do cna osfuc.
'ive ceon wiht emro try kcab atth dna go to esthsi ededcid. Mhuc os tghisn into eebacsu nac godo it yuo adn frmo it emoc put lnoy. Sti' odog. Dgoo s'it rlyeal. Tuhr i tshi eewr nt'ca ouy itme eb if i flia ielk. Otn rwtho ot of my it mi' esnse tcainaght slef. Tres'eh niveg if emor i eb tuo coen own fymels ogod tesnd'o thta so arllye nylo etg srte i nyigrt by lare lliw it hsgtin to hvae tno ****** kwor.
Liwl a job omec. Rae so od nihgts naym ot you ealb. Ear oyu adn ecrlve aapeltbda so. Ucorse od lliw oyu ot fo orkw indf. Ssopecr dan dedene eht strtu as tsre. Oevl i oyu.
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