Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.
Epilogue
18 days later
Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...
A dtgani a on ithw guy i app emt elov. Yulaaclt s'ti e)o,erfb ilke lstil i smae i ni i my rwh(ee uoesh eailtlyrl 10 aws viel onvlig rofm o,hhgtu eivl drsetagrpann eht no ppisimsissi odar uinmste. I cna to sa ko oons nac him nr adn oemv tbu etslhoyn eadlhn eh i tub rfo suiess sah i h'se anger uot eend sa. Am oto own a i dcilh gdo fo. I i crchhu i to diezbpta itg nad go a ago ehncac hrweneve ucelpo etg eth eweks. Wtih gdo rusdgtlge nad eolv ym me lywsaa asceu i ofr hiaft rellya 'ive ibg eiyneulng stth'a. Uitcnnog alrmscie mayn em dan still orf os sah eh rdetaec. Aevh and i'm hihwc sheeourwa ta obj ylearl ta osal ot tge i slao tynirg a tonreah lwel face ysrde a bjo n,r oges oeph i. Dseyr btho ro wrko i'm uitq gonan oth fi yet kdi. I oagtt ese bjo oenc get isht i i ssuge. Lnusse ffo i fo noit oefreb oht dion arew to time isltl emkso )d(t eht aehv otg eewd emosk i yug wrok hgih vile ei'v h,tta ho,t do eht for esmosk thiw teh i ihbta 'dotn i ki yvrdaeye so. Esloc rhe noyl dan tnau oth 3 iwht disk ym 'mi. Me danki mylfia etgdhso jsut ym oeaehthcr etsr of nda get. Teh i'm ta orda etmi seauc ndow eplac nsaut all hte hot seivl seh my. Oth os 'im uatglref reh orf. Os nad bnee ehs hcmu msena hcum so ot vwee' em hgruoht. A fof, tri,elylal woudl won eth vleo os lony eth hhtutog eenv but nda one fo rhe sehs' erh onpti piss cmuh em i i asw eewhr otg herte sutj. To fidrnes yats 'dotn i nad i to etroh aannw otnhr ahtt mssiipsiisp cabk yameb to dan ni mom nhat i ntkih wnnaa tbu ot,h niibssgl ivtsi roteh artvel rloanaci tahn go. Lmnraydo nad idkna tntaocc my thsm 'ewev naht leypr on lelf aomnry,e adn her 'ill uoat em utb atht ot kkat psan ertho ealrly hes my nede nehw will sotry allc odnt' i. I nda sngiisbl htsonm in my letadk vtnha ot. Rcy me eerw ubt msth evro smis adn em on i i colntor it wanan item meht ta os i ehty htat rof atsl aksem hda dma umhc ddi. In dan catn' i lla aitw hryventgei ees ethre hrea btauo tehm elsiv ot. Woh my adm on ew dan liwl nevre cgnahe that ta rea my hrahcetoe sbgislni r itegryenvh mettar. Rn onw orf sele tow tbu lelayr wl'el i'm awth dn'ot korw yaaywn lla nhkti tba so atlk i ot tstha' nwko to dan ay. Say uejss m'i vhea i dnhliagn ubt iefl ok na rn, ortoreaceslrl ti's ym it no ym eisd 'id tomieloan as ogln as is.
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