Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.
Epilogue
18 days later
Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...
Gyu a evol twhi i tme no giatdn pap a. Het i sti' wee(hr fomr h,toguh vgnlio ni leiv semintu my 01 on rdao itlls i aytllauc e,fer)bo meas keil dsargetnrnap vlie i issspipimsi ehuso asw iaryleltl. To eh rn iessus i noos ofr but she' sa evmo ko sa rnega dna mhi dleanh deen tuo i ytlhones cna but hsa i cna. Am clhdi now i a gdo oot of. Eth etg ncceha dan verhnewe tgi to chucrh a i i oag pieabtzd kesew i pceluo go. Esuca rayell i my neeguylni evi' nda with aysalw em dglteurgs eovl sttah' dog for bgi tfaih. Ofr mlcisare adn eh niutncgo mnay me so itlsl tercdae ash. Egos swaeeohru boj nad yignrt also tahrnoe egt i ta i cafe hhwic elylar ydser a a ot ojb aols llwe r,n eohp m'i aveh ta. Rwok iuqt or otbh eyt kdi syerd fi 'im oht ngona. Tsih see otgat i neoc i get i jbo sgesu. Eksmo eiv' ietm fbeore do off wear i isllt oeksm rkow eedw ki i hte yug mksose tino n'dot viel idno dvaryeey to t)(d aevh rof ,toh ,that usesnl i so tabhi tiwh tgo of the i hihg the hot. Mi' cselo unat lnoy 3 and ksdi her tho ihwt ym. Nda teg fiylma fo thdoegs ym jtsu erst aidnk me ertoceahh. Ym ta ecapl eht caesu lal teh daor teim oth sntau i'm elivs seh ndow. Rhe eaugtflr so fro oth m'i. Weve' nad em os rgouthh chum seh easnm ot eenb os cmhu. Hcmu a piss i fo f,of nopti uothhtg swa gto sutj own rhe i eno so teh ewhre veol ehs's enev tehre dwolu ehr btu laleilryt, eht dna me olyn. Nad tnah og dna troeh to i ilnbisgs pisssimpiis anwan ierfnsd dn'ot cbak thnor ni omm reatlv ahtt hoetr tub mbeay annaw sitiv hant i tsay think ot to i th,o riaaolcn. Eedn and 'dtno shmt i hant kkat ma,ryoen llef ot toua ym toerh aylrle rhe diank l'il attccon rlyep ilwl em thta tbu danorlmy lalc ev'ew pnsa newh dan hse no my tyrso. Ym slgsinbi dna ahtnv in i to tldeak ostmnh. Ythe me mda oevr no did i anwna cyr cmuh hda ofr ncrloto thme it i at alts kesma miss i htta hsmt em mite os ewer and btu. Wita see lal tabuo a'nct sviel rethe gvteiryhen in erah ot i htme adn. Hatt on trtaem geyntehirv adn at r ochetrhea owh ear ew eevnr mda ym ilwl ym gnahce sslnibgi. Bat sht'at two os nayawy nr to onwk w'lle 'im khtni btu now i rof ahtw nad okrw slee atkl lal ot odn't leyarl ay. Neotilamo hnaldign is ,rn an ised utb lororrsactlee jssue 'sit ti yas i'm ym lngo i ok hvae as ym as di' no iefl.
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