A letter from Oct 14, 2024

it's hard when the thing you have been trying for, doesn't work...it's more bad when you gave up on that and it kept happening and right when you let your heart daydreaming it...it just fade away...i feel not okay, i mean sure i am fine, life is great but my heart is just confused...i mean how can i be sad for losing something i knew it wasn't mine! i am a coward... at least i learnt it today! i want to change, i like to be less cautious, less overthink...don't want to get old and feel sorry. they says become aware to a problem is first step to remedy...but right now, i feel confused, lost and child...i always write cheerful letters here for future me but honey this one is diffrent as you see. i don't want to control my self or my life .i am not a god, girl don't let your fears control you, things can't always be perfect, i want you to learn to love chaos, accept life...that seems mush more fun.