A letter from Jul 27, 2024

Hey babygirl, Today has been such a mindspin to put it lightly. Though in the past few weeks I have been feeling like impending doom has been following me. I ..... I was not quite ready for this. Sam said he wanted to end things. And normally when I go through these moments from the past I am all over the place. But today, today I have cried yes but there is an eerie sense of calm to me. Maybe because this is a bump in the road and as you are reading this, it's a thing of the past. Or maybe it's me subconsciously making peace with things. I am not sure. And I keep going back and forth of moments of icy clarity that scares me a little ..... maybe attesting it of having done all the inner work. Having gone through my pain and this cycle before maybe it's that, that I know after this stage I come here a letter to my future self and so on and so forth. But there is also a numbness that is there, an icy numbness that's scary to me a little but then there is the rawness I feel where I want to cry but I seem to not have enough tears to get it all out. Or maybe it's the blindsiding of things and my gireve has not had the time to catch up and with time it will - well it always does one way or another. It still mesmerizes me when one day all is sunny and in the next - everything has changed. Well babygirl, I know you are tired and hopefully as you read through this things are better however they may have gone. I know you always rise up and give yourself the grace and time to heal and bloom once more to a different coloured butterfly this time. Remember you are not alone and you have people who love you. And most of all, I love you so so much babygirl forever and always ❤️