A letter from Jun 21, 2024

Dear FutureMe, God I'm so overwhelmed. I think the reason why the stress has been getting to me lately is because I'm burned out. I've been going non-stop basically for 2 years. From my first job straight to doing my masters, then not taking more than 3 weeks off during those 2 years. I think the longest break I had was in December of 2021 between my course and first internship. I've been going non-stop ever since. I haven't had a proper summer vacations since the summer of 2021. I want a lot, and I've been trying my best to achieve it all. But it's too much sometimes. I planned this period horribly really. I'm still not done with my thesis, which I know is not at an academic level I know I'm capable of achieving. I'm making myself crazy. I feel like I'm not allowed to say I'm stressed because I did this to myself and because my peers will just look down at me if I do. Like why are you stressed? You're an overachiever. Why can't people see that I'm my worst critic? A normal person would not fret if one of the many things they do doesn't work out. Well I'm afraid of failing. I hate it. If I set out to do something then I must do it. But I'm tired. I bit off more than I can chew, but I have to see it through. I'm doing my best. I just want this thesis to be over and done with. I want to be able to study for my exam on time. I still have so many lectures to go through. Okay I counted it, I have to go through 4,5 if I skip the guest lectures. That's actually not that bad. See I go through phases where I'm like I got this and then I break down and absolutely lose my ****. And then I end up doing nothing because I feel like **** and everything stresses me out. I have to start going through my feedback tho. I need to really make some progress with my thesis tonight otherwise I'll have a panic attack soon. I also need to pack for my summer internship. This is embarrassing, high school me would have laughed at me. I used to be so good at planning **** and balancing so many **** at the same time. No I just break down if I'm even just a little bit stressed. It's like regressing not progressing. But then again I wasn't burned out in high school. Let's finish this thesis so I might actually have a job after this. Tell me how I survived this. Did I finish this degree or did it finish me? (I'm being very dramatic but the stress is making me feel like this is the end of me)