A letter from Mar 16, 2024

Dear Future Me, You were a horrible person, you unleashed your rage and hatred on others at the slightest inconvenience just because you suffered enormously in the past. But instead of trying to resolve these problems, you held them deep within you and spewed them out on others like venom. You never questioned yourself: it's other people's fault, never yours, they want you harm, they plan things behind your back. Idiot that you are, you never told yourself even once that the problem was you, it's a vicious circle: you vent your rage > they hold it in and talk about it > you're paranoid > you vent your rage... Before losing the only people you considered your friends for a long time, the only ones who brought you a little company in this empty and lonely city, you told them, full of hatred and ego that you didn't care about them, that you could replace them with anyone, in reality you were lying to yourself and others. You lost them when you came back to the town where you met them, when you were finally going to be able to see real friends in real life...what an irony of fate. And now, several months later, you try to convince yourself that you have moved on, that no matter what friends you have, you change them and you forget them, but you are wrong. It will be several times that you have dreams with these people inside, in these dreams they are cold, distant, as if to show that you have screwed up during these long years, who can blame them at the same time. The truth is that you are a hateful being, a useless and insensitive being who only brings unhappiness and pain to others, you deserve to be left alone. I hope that by then, you will have become a better person, that you will at least be able to love yourself, and be comfortable in your solitude.