Future Me

Dear FutureMe, If you got this e-mail it means you are still in college shooting for a dream so great for you. By now you have hopefully decided on a major (currently you want to do Physician's Assistant). I decided to write to you because recently you went through a life altering moment that basically knocked you on the head and woke you up to your life. Its July 5, 06' and on April 19, 06' you decided to break up with AJ. At the moment it seemed like the best decision to make but oh you were so naive dear. You risked a great man that you loved to go out and realize things you could have realized by his side if you had been smart enough but you weren't. You went out and dated Sam for a few weeks only to realize AJ was the only man you wanted but by then it was too late because another girl stepped in to try to make him happy. He seems to really like her alot and this scares you very much at the moment. Its been 2 and a half weeks since he told you about her and you can't seem to stop crying your self to sleep, I hope this has stopped by now :( . Right now you are trying to find a way to cope with this but at times its unbearable. The great man that he is he still calls you and talks to you to try to make it as easy on you. You want to give him a chance to be happy and don't want to become the clingy ex so eventually you will stop calling him so much. He seems to have lost alot of the trust he had in you but for some reason he still wants to be your friend and told you that he still hasn't completely closed the door on you. It hurts to hear that from someone because as much as you want to show them things have changed there is just no way to prove it. After that week in Austin Tx you were so ready to give it your all with him, to showe him that you could be trusted, to do nice things for him on a daily basis but it seems that's not what the universe wanted because he brought Angelica into the picture. Currently, you haven't decided what you want to do, whether you want to move on or wait for him. All you know right now is that you love him and you can't be with anyone else for a long time. It's a great risk you take when you decide to wait for someone because you run the risk of looking like a fool in front of yourself. Yesterday, you boxed up all of his things to see if that would help you think about him less but I don't think it did. Future me, its just so empty without him. Is that still the case? This whole thing also served to make you realize to stop being so scared about everything!!! Yes, you may be dissappointed but thats better than simply standing still. Go out and do that UTeach program you wanted to do, ask about study abroad, and work your butt off for the things you want in your life :) One thing I regret so much about AJ is worrying about the future when I should have just given my self in to what was happening. One last thing, if by the end of sophmore year he still with her please move on :(