A letter from December 4th, 2023

Dear FutureMe, At the beginning of the year I said I was going to write a letter to the next month every month. I did not stick with that. So here's what has changed the most:• I found a show while on vacation called to Catch a Smuggler and now that's almost all I watch• just been really struggling with my mental health, keep getting sick aand not wanting to get up• been REALY unmotivated recently and I think some of my problems come from TTXI'm gonna eleaborate more on that. Christina does not talk to you as much, don't know why but it's definitely been hard to lose someone like her so quickly. she doesn't seem to be mad at me but this is definitely not just us drifting away.I love Katz but she needs to get her head on straight, I'm tired of being her punching bag and any time she gets upset she will talk to anyone else but me. like you call me your best friend but you won't talk to me. She will be upset after a climb and be like I'm fine when I ask so I will be like ok and start talking about other stuff. then she will get mad at me, . so she will go talk to swine else but she won't be talking about why she is upset, she will talk about other random stuff. like wtf. Then anytime I say something, she is constantly shooting me down. it's frustrating. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. then there is the coaches. It's like they have given up on me and it hurts. Rosemary won't set me routes when I ask. Niko won't talk to me after comps. Merrit has called me a cheater. When I was younger I definitely made some bad choices, I'm pudo cheat, buts that's not who I am anymore. And no one gets it. It really hurts. No one notices when I have a bad day. No one even asks me how my day was. It hurts to see how little these people notice me. I have put 2 1/2 years into this and It's not returning anything valuable. I keep thinking about if I make it to graduation with team. what would I even say. Team hasn't taught me anything except that the people you think would be there for you. They don't show up in a time of need.  I should quit, find another sport,but I hate the thought of starting over again. It's probably going to end up being the same thing. I have no idea how these people don't see that my life is not sunshine and rainbows. I'm really hurting here.
So to end my letter, ik this was very depressing. I want you to know that they are not going to bet they for you. Use what you learn and prove them all wrong and make them hate themselves for not knowing me. Show them someone they were upset not to get to know. 
Buh by😘💋💋