A letter from September 21st, 2023

Today we let go of this guy we like from work. I'll call him Mr Sagg, you'll know why. It's very confusing because I can't tell if I like him as a friend or I wish he was more. I can't tell if I'm just overwhelmed that I finally meet someone who is like a male me, same interests and thoughts. I can't tell if it's what we call a friendship crush, wanting him to be a close friend. I can't tell. Our boyfriend is perfect and he deserves to have our full attention, Mr Sagg has been living in our head for weeks. Especially after we had a one week fight about something he did and I wanted an apology before we're good (didn't get the apology 🚩 - we just continued to talk like nothing happened) I'll admit that that was the hardest week I've had in a long time. All I could think about was Mr Sagg, I missed him and it doesn't help that he sits in front of me at work. I was jealous of everyone he'd talk to that isn't me. And on the day we talked ( still without the apology)we got drunk as a group and I puked and he made sure I'm home safe. Cute right? No not cute we're in a relationship. Anyway, as I write this I will not lie that I've managed to get thoughts of him out of my mind. I know I want him but I don't know as what. I feel like I know he wants our friends and colleague Miss G and we did force this whole friendship thing on him. With him and G, I see how he looks at her. I see that he likes her company more. I see that I'm trying too hard and I get so jealous when the two are bonding. (Funny thing a pop up text from miss G just popped up) Hey if you're reading this upto here I just want you to know that Mr Sagg is also a bestfriend of one of my exes, and he is also a friend of one of of guys I rejected at work. It's that messy. I need us to get over this little crush -oh that . His smile. His eyes. We need to get over this because we are dating. Because nothing should ever happen. And because the last time you got drunk you badly wanted to hook up with him-and it's wrong. We need to stop talking to him unless he talks to us, we overdo the trying. We need to keep a distance. We need to prioritize our friendship with Miss G over this. We need to cancel any thought about Mr Sagg when it comes up. Go hangout with our boyfriend or whatever. Just avoid him. Try this week. Resist. You know he is a waste of time and it's all a fantasy. But God that smile😵‍💫