Dear FutureMe,
OG LETTER:
Dear FutureMe,
I'm currently a 16 year old mess
I have no idea what I want to do in life
I have no idea who I want to be in life
I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything.
How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing.
I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived.
I want to live not just exist.
I feel so lacking in everything.
I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world.
I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me.
I love you no matter what.
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Dear FutureMe,
wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year
update time!!
so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now.
It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well.
Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment.
Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering
so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that
Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!!
Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well.
It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it.
what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life.
I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come.
I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :)))
I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3
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2023 reply
Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf
yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :(
who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens,
awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it
oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3
my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted.
haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day
i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right.
oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you.
ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit.
yeah iced coffee still does it for me :)
its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good)
hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya!
PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult
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bring on 2024
Epilogue
1 day later
2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...
Gtohuhr niu eenb illw 'ive reev ilaaylrcstd my **** ineetr obblapry tusj the enahgc efil hlyo ikel besggit ne,chag. Lpto ,gntuirn to the sti itswts hwo just adn that hmuc rcocu inanes em peeks orwdl teh yrcza onautm of no. I ot qsoitneus a ok rdospen shdlou few elik i eefl.
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Rosr,y wlowngail egst old you ,eslf sotp ot ti epnaph netexd ot sa as ni fatc larlye oosn reay uyo erwe im tysfril, bertte, ym my i 16 gohturh fuosyrle trtus oyru tsrtsa ti yuo inggo all ni ehlow it hwtro so irlg adn erymsi tusj fiel ol,ev me tnoi. Away stju as as oyu nepo o,uy ntha up sa uyo esen of iegbn esdyh si roaudn woudl eesrcnpexie form oyu and i lisyl ehav me strta heav i as as ercool thnik to rstut eesl dtsuip mi adn sono seaierdl ofr wya dna reaf that vyroenee uonocl. Sseedbos htiw miet lareeis at dan lraomohn rlsciec deanpx pu onrshioz kabc o)hcols the comse eth atiuytmr, uyro usjt are illst yerv sdeo ilfe dna eewrh epoelp ytin 61 iyc,erharh real laso ak(a hte dna iptrlyouap ogrw orme ont si whit buelbb erom nda lreectf aroimttpn yuo ghhi you stih. .
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A nilenag t(on - hatt nmmonuctacioi **** ibt also a etiretnrgg lal eb /w lot user ormujisaln dgreee as uot wnko cswdhtei enver whloe nda v'ei yuo i in swtarod icheco idmae ot to dna ahgecn exnt ym mi im ihlgyh ssislcac hah)a ym himtg arey illt' sthiyor ym im niaag griufe hsti terelt iatsgntr dna tmie tub.
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Sgskini, nehdib eyha ot llits lie onigg bro tgna,id sboy - ton perytt erw'e. Opro tyr ot so sa boj ibegn prinsluisygun oyu a worg ytterp ahey esdo hnew adn kysie pu tdae ds'a cildh a. Siltl ohw nowk enev lsohd kesoj uoy dba ossruiyel si it idwl a it is humc i hitng yorsr akcb igakmn utb ,onw. Eht gimht oeprilntihas shiw in or im edaput albtes ypahp heav a i atth dkrwoe taht yondbe lol iadfar a eb dan snew ahd ttrbee 'uyero ot i but payther nda 5202. Rfo ttah long yuo oot aodrun idd mmu idd tboua uoy uoy, ot resup of waht eebn cayrring tlle im teercs he os awy rdpuo u'eoyv <3.
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Syub inlerthiaops vyer gyncir gte ilwl oensra, ucmh rfo apessh ilef ok yhee'tr yuro s'it past eegtrnea tub ym bwthrkaoc 'rueoy nda enve updsspoe im mi roem nwko tuaob omer utbrlm a etbetr ni i lvoe ot agsesbrneim hppya enuflcnei dna ohguth imndiihs nsrreluautpa my of a oyu orme litsl ntio as sitll itwh i ,it my eth got evuyo' !!!ok 1f be uesr astth esshpa ,wno a. .
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Ihst eriigl nggio ko 'eyoru nto lebviee to. . . . Yuo mhte feecos'f veeshsl dreit yuo haey eth cpael ocest on atth at teh sckto kowr uoe'vy aliletyrl orf,m babes lal. . . . Lpot witts ahah. Llw'e tbu leovd eb gdoin ,aer yarcz rvee as hte htta ttah a at atwh ew re)lta otnd' we ot get eerh 19 yeah ,ycr coest ucmh nteoimn itgknsoc ni at gdo nkiht 61 rdeniosdce lret!te! siftr haev me 'evi ahd btu bjo bouat toon hotenlys (oh i osetc o so my im y di' vheessl lwudo.
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Oyu trstes,eni gnohdli ngitirw uyro kcba em widre nhikt as irengda ouy woldrs eenv mate rnta'e ttrus hcmu nimaigary sa uory dan. Ddo asw meteoiv os widre adn yuo nad hcum ufnyn 81 nad ptsa levua htta iesvisnet a lla 71 i and it me dewaeebkoglln you dan was poplee kdni i,ghtn aemd umsg tshing at dna bda it ni nad dna tsi adn hetes which asemdus as',ntw. .
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Ordwl you swa aginhv tihkn oyu atht edisms 61 thleha, ibt eral an kdi rhwee oyru neiepeexrsc alretiy gae onw eetrh em, tou on, aostlm acn efras i it rfo tlnaem ertebt gnisims wno ttsru sheto ta eeanegt uot a erew otu, reu'yo at soerflyu eepk ni wtha aws uoy. .
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Tretbe epoh i" ,me feeglin rea glnvii yuo, uertfu ntha em nda.
I uyo tretma awth on leov. A ecitu htwa ". Dbuyd rtuts ok giodn 'erew me.
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Gienb in resup tda,es husc tboau twah yuo i dogo uyro y vbinig wlel meaxs y ni ptu fcta 81 weer yuo eewr lsleve orw,k sasy you 71 dhire dan stohe r,ouhgth rffeto rof snh,lyoet tjsu hdar ouy sotec ainekrht ruoy ouy she dneo mstei o em uyor looooolooohe all feel reew so orpdu tensdreao cohe itwh hdaae i a o enwk newh ni pppoy lrgi nigphus eilk fo odog azinmga. .
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Ncxpeireegni ----- dleki satl rsemebept ti so i im - tinglnhgi irgth hrda umhc aws w!no! so ti tnghi aomrdn heya rdanei niar, btu o"s nad htt"a eerht.
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Uin ti imme frfaod nda dcie nca rip inggo thuhgo llist tsgron, lteta oecfef yahe eacf ta if ont a hatt rlgi i me celu.
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Ealthh cbak llolllll i snethrec ospp oekj em osryr hktin to (im tdon almnte i nfnuy oru hess ist anme irlfega sjtu is) how 81 het odl ni - raye.
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Osme ende uyo it ocol at get nwhe out phrtyea 3 to lla ot it kpte pehl dogo leanftdeyi oafatl tsnohm tub bjo utp iingfnd llvee oggni uthn ftisr dna ym hucm lehp reo'yu sopaoefslnri me eht fetrof eth so asw a was looc uin rahd ot oto enhw tdind sceaurf i hgtni eyah ttahs in.
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Dongi utbao deno ilgknat to haye to eht kown tnwe ablh itknh dotn ot os adn bahl i eb h,its aerlady elwl gtniyr htta it ruhhtog mum hlba eessm ooowhoon,ooya for i ew ojb keep tno.
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Tchroteal ho os boy lot oh ot upnkca odgo a lifngrti oby heer byo reseth ihtw oh ko voer s,nemo ddybu. Hre si you that eilk eeieblv teh kttskoi ltgeinl ihst si hnew me sttwi 0224 emnotm ese ehost em optl 322"0 het wdutlno ob"atu of. Rsyro i lllteyrai ihts gril eartc uwlod to noncta owh you omahtf ryost. Sthi drtcoo hwo olsa to iksnl olyl. .
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Nvee mog uore'y emt, hlessif ti so esptl os saw lelt lsilcaaby ti a,wth ayysawn oltd did uhogth so imh hse i ahey dna edirw eknw t?g????e?ort??he? aehy anc yteh nda you ujts keli hety wolud yuo be seh iseyk dilek dgh,aesg reh. Sees hess hess' esh so ubt tath her oryu soicnta godo hsse' uoy asblyacli rhe nawna arhd atht i otn iont psiedgaool a as eodn evren yes??a?? tldo by ylelra ti adn eyse abceuse ti as to fo he go esihslf rmeo htta oeepdn tacf mante or dtno anwasyy hes was stro deifrn was eht euscbae and ognwr. . . . Tish rfo dyrea get. . . Pu nad me didtn smoe just u,gy teh crweesd hes otn suaoitnit sha lloy aobtu woh ohter i it ekjo ehs bf ewlho sujt hmi mhuc a no???w? a ewnh get adme. Up nokgsmi veslle tatresd dessem em ti i me pu, semsed oueisrlys enma eilk i of. ((:(( mi em mkeso **** rnuyoge ot rysor aellyr tindd me nepshap yuo owkn ntaw i.
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Iduaiqfel otg ubt stn'wa eoshnlty tanw boj lieltaylr i htey wyh wotldun aols a im heya kucyl me tath r,ahd tgnegit dgoo a sproen. Ym of eplehd shti ym aster my ssuiloyre ysee prioemv uyg oge unefeciln and ak(a no ospo the ni si lsfe ngai)a mac isht esemet em.
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Syta ptamci no lto mnivog ot ttaorc,hal ****** rae me uni calluyat rditf to dei,srfispnh tlelit ilwl amnte yevr lliw sneo hte etc) uh,rt oyur tsrut l,uieos ttah to (aak eht tenam uyor soen dan het heva lwil rifdnse. Nda mhlei) pu with in ecrlos lsilt c/argubyer ewn nda fwe a ryou also lto vene ernifds leepop ostna eenalalb aak a nde ngola up wnto kpic luo'yl lly'uo ayw teh etnigtg jimmy amk(r.
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Inftacnoif ywror teh hyleaht esru lsse tuo rfo btu atrp lwaasy cebaeln rwodl ehrtes anf mi three rome odtn flie lwil on yuo eb erly hte the uoy lilw ryou a eetanetnnmi,rt bgi go of a oyu.
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Eorm atth ym ta essysssassr i gysu, the astl is in kinth pu from dfesinr nerdvi meoh ,off hsa edma nebtae dppneahe lot, 3 eiv my in ttdeseerin esplt skewe het pb,u syug away anfyill deno haev 2 to is keosmd, in d,ewe ayerln hte eilk anrdou rdatie,p efli reas tanh syummra pu me a ,frndies i me gcnikip cenadd thiw with ,me tog rtuts. Ggualnhi 'im ubt sode gonig wn"ko l'il weher arey rfo uesr im eacgnh otdbu lilw thwi tilelt negeihvtyr mtmoen tnex ta i dotn mflsey eb mi eht nonttce hwo sith iun tmie ta h"o seh. Irnsaai)oelt odrlw who tasht me nesgitpfri to tath i me hkn(at tkhnaier plpeoe aikgmn ym levo cma vaeh oyu jtus adn ta at rof ycr a dna. Eplyolhuf yacsr lal slaeep orf ngahce etretb atht is ot ginog but and ): tis eht.
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