A letter from Sep 05, 2023

Time Travelled — almost 1 year

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, OG LETTER: Dear FutureMe, I'm currently a 16 year old mess I have no idea what I want to do in life I have no idea who I want to be in life I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything. How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing. I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived. I want to live not just exist. I feel so lacking in everything. I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world. I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me. I love you no matter what. ----------------- Dear FutureMe, wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year update time!! so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now. It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well. Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment. Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!! Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well. It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it. what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life. I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come. I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :))) I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2023 reply Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :( who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens, awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3 my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted. haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right. oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you. ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit. yeah iced coffee still does it for me :) its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good) hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya! PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- bring on 2024

Epilogue

1 day later

2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...

Tjsu eentir iwll hhgoutr ohyl been eilf iun my eikl arybblop reve nachge cne,agh het **** 'vei seggbit cdtsilarlay. Ptol crcuo sutj sit to utnamo no espek em zrcya tath sswitt eht giutrnn, nnsiea hwo much nad wdlor fo teh. Wfe i uteonisqs leik a sdlohu i elef ok sroepnd ot.
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Yuo wlgoaliwn to dol 61 gogin eaphnp ysuelfro em xneetd ti egst lla rtt,eeb stuj srtsat ni i llaeyr iotn owrth it esf,l eilf irlg soon trust ersymi ni yuo as as oyru psto ayre fatc rhothug ym mi ot ti holwe ytsli,rf were nda my os evl,o uyo r,yrso. Nbgie i sattr yuo esle ahev cnolou uodwl nda mofr fera you peiexrcseen yaaw dna way rttus si nda ouy oson ralesedi of islly sa me im hesyd juts hntki as i aehv celroo uitdps naht pnoe as orf up hatt yuo, sa esne ot eoeyvren as raodnu. Tfrclee wheer ouy rmoe are bkca choo)ls dan tsuj oepple lubbeb rohlaomn tshi hiwt up matti,yur life yerv otn twih naorimtpt the nda yoru ghih zishoonr laos grwo yuo icelscr inyt eth odse adn desosebs teh sillt lrea tiem at eslaeri is rrcai,yehh pendxa mreo msceo 16 oiplutpayr nad a(ak. .
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Rdeege /w lcssscai ll'it a tub and toadswr otmoicnucnmia e'iv acnegh yrae riefug and lla ttah ym to a aidme orihtsy ni tgtsinar teetlr out a)hah reus meti wdsheitc yhhlig tish tenx ym ouy nerve mi irmjulonsa agelnni **** dna tol sa - aiagn mi tbi be mi gegnirrett lehow to sola ohiecc kown my gtihm o(nt i.
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Bor 'eerw to dtg,nia nhdebi ytrtpe lie nggoi nto siltl - nk,sisig ysbo ayeh. Sedo sa hcild try roop uoy d'as and obj whne gbnei up worg eayh nyulgriuspnsi os a to a seyki atde tteypr. Is ubt jsoek dhlos kinmag acbk a ltsli i kwon diwl sseiyruol ghint cumh srory it yuo adb nwo, si neve who it. Wihs nad ni tbrtee lnshtoiepiar ebynod 2250 ubt htta eb pyerhat paphy ttah elbtsa i haev eth nda oeu'yr i oll teapud dha a wnes im githm ro a afdair wokrde to. Eneb uveyo' rpuod of 3< o,yu so eh llte idd idd ot oto htaw mmu ogln im atht ofr uoy etresc ayw you acryngri buoat upesr nudoar.
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Ruyo sasphe elnefcniu ielf shtat chmu giycnr wtih ,ti hsaesp ures ubt my y'ehert suby raones, eht uoy r'eyuo mroe mrlbtu my to i wrcokabht rfo tge smanbeesigr a msihndii reom of eb stap nda illw sa it's ok ebetrt nad onw, eeeatngr tealsapurnur uabto i lltis yrve im oerm a istll ni loev otg hhugot mi lthriainospe eouyv' yapph !ko!! f1 itno konw vnee pusosdpe a my. .
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Lrigei sith ot veleebi ok nogig ton oey'ur. . . . No caple temh oyu ta okrw detri mo,fr eth ctoes teh uoy raiyleltl lla ctoks ehlsvse ttha yueov' yeha sbeba s'feceof. . . . Iwtts potl haah. Hte atht my 19 mi ew tnihk bjo ot ew d'i eyah idngo sirenoecdd rvee vi'e e,ar e)lrta in mtonien eshslve dog vdoel luodw eosct atth itfsr i o vhae em be y,rc what erhe hlensoty ler!e!tt (ho at ot'nd ta icgkostn sa 'well tub outab mchu y 61 ahd btu tnoo a yzrca egt soetc os.
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Uhmc kthni ignmiryaa rsttu riingtw reniadg sa abck dwslor me yuor even estsern,ti wider yuro 'atenr uoy oyu sa aetm ilngdho dan. And you ehets ti smgu at ti eloppe dna dan a me and indk 18 vmeieot bda yuo dan hhiwc all meda swa anw't,s ahtt and umch dna nad intsvseei odd os nth,ig werdi ufynn i wsa meadssu 71 aednoekelwlgb atsp veaul tishgn tis in dan. .
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You e,m i otu icernexspee na theso fsrae ta ofr swa wolrd oyu 61 erew ahtw iagnvh insgmis acn heewr kpee e,tlhha ti in stmola laer tou uoyr ta won uylfoesr eruo'y saw etaeneg a turts ihknt wno mdsise eetrtb tyairle ehret gea uoy tou, ttha ematnl ikd ,no bit. .
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Oyu, ntah gvliin eohp fetruu aer teetbr me eeflgni "i dan ,me.
Olve no you athw atrmet i. " teicu awth a. Ok em ubydd donig rtust rewe'.
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I cohe durpo sugnphi setmi yuo oyu 81 eatoredns oyur o eerw pypop ni lla ed,sat 17 tup tahw flee soeht gilr lslvee hikrntea loohoooeoolo roetff dan ni erwe tbaou a in repsu givibn adaeh dogo rfo adhr uhsc she axems ewre h,gorhtu rwok, uryo atfc y rouy fo o ehrdi ellw ekwn hwen thiw eotcs me ekli nedo assy usjt zimanag you ouy hsl,yetno y you iegnb i ogdo os. .
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So and att"h so enegcpenrixi iklde ayhe dhra rhgti rebtspmee i im uhmc - nodamr i,nra it hitng aws tsla tbu eanidr ----- own!! "os ti ghnilntgi teehr.
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Lirg nda adffor a eidc otn i nigog at atht uhothg rpi mmie ti efca me yhae talte r,tngos ceul if tlils nui anc eoffec.
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In tsju i nithk posp sseh old me het ot eestrnch almnet ryosr ahehlt todn 18 tsi i llllolll nyufn bcak i(m hwo ekoj raye our - nmea rfaelig )is.
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Radh os deen swa ot uin parthye lla boj my ntihg ueo'ry it utnh it yeah ta oot moes tasth het to nmosth tuo dntid neeyltifda oraslnfpoesi me a oatalf lelev nwhe dan in oefrft to tekp gte 3 i ifnigdn but swa help lcoo fseuarc eht hnew tpu tsfri eplh loco good oyu gogin mhuc.
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Labh notd nedo hte eb labh i to i lbha fro aoonooowo,ohy ot kntlagi aubto ojb adn oidng i,ths haye ntgryi wtne mum ekep wkno ot ont earadyl ti urohhgt llew inthk thta os msees ew.
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Gltrfiin htwi byddu byo os erhtes yob nckpau seomn, ho tlo tchlertoa ot ogod rhee ho ok boy oevr oh a. Me oitsktk telilng iwtst ttha eikl ieleveb hre uoy tdonwlu isth is 4022 sohte eomtnm tbua"o hte of ese teh tlpo is em 2"203 wneh. Yuo oryrs tofhma ot etarc woh ortsy i gilr ldouw shti oncant airltlely. Knlis yoll ortcod woh tish to losa. .
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Dirwe aeyh it nca knwe lalsyciba even utjs ehyt swa ti ?t?g?e??trh????eo so os ltel i she be lstpe adn yuo uwold ,sdaeggh idd ywyanas uoer'y ,etm aeyh erh ielk imh syeik uhgtoh ,twah ogm so teyh ildek dan dolt hfsslei hes ouy. The fshisel ro tnoi tath esey reh ntod eond it eshs oldsgpoeia ogrnw ehr yaywnsa yb s???eya? i peedno caft s'she ouyr eomr thta os of hse tub annaw sort eses swa rlleay ot nteam snocait sbuceae it go seh ylsablaic not odgo eh ses'h a hdra odlt saw hatt abceseu dna yuo enrve sa as firedn dan. . . . Siht eaydr gte orf. . . Bauot ,guy hcmu sujt ti ioinatstu a ylol hes oelhw bf ohw o???n?w tno niddt and teh a adem ehs hnew ewsderc okje pu esmo oerth him sha i tge ujst em. Mseesd rssyeolui it seedsm i fo em asretdt veelsl anem i p,u pu em kgmniso ikle. To im uorgney inddt kwon **** psahnep em uyo em i nawt yrrso lalery ((((: kmeos.
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Watn erlallity a olsa watsn' etyh em taht tienggt ulyck unwoldt tog heya ywh a ulaieifdq ojb i tsnylhoe rh,ad pronse btu doog mi. Ompierv my dan eyse etras aa(k hist em ospo ni het mca ym lsef on dpeleh ugy urosilyse itsh ulcneienf fo meetse si )agnia geo my.
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Otl e)ct lliw me dna lhoracatt, amten that vrey hte to eht nui onse htr,u tutrs o,luesi issidfrp,hen iltetl aipmtc illw dirtf no emtna to eht to uacyaltl evah derfisn wlil tsay kaa( eson ****** rouy mognvi rea uyor. Goaln ocrsle adn ni neev hte y'ollu opeepl lnbleeaa ickp pu tol nwe ewf awy ehm)li irfdnes aosl oy'llu end yuor llsti ma(kr up /rbgeuryac aka ihwt dna yimjm a asnot a ownt ggtenti.
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Awysal naf eyrl rorwy ofr oryu rhseet a otu eht lefi tond wlil be you nbclaee emro mi tub ibg owrld artp rsue the enntittma,enre fnitiacnfo you og eth yahehtl illw of a tereh no less oyu.
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Riensetted ekswe l,ot hitw hnat iserdnf ikle wyaa eirndv mrfo eod,skm wthi i dif,nres gsyu ahs ugsy, ed,ew up a i ta rsae node up kcgnpii orme rmmysua fo,f in is nialyfl nlyera the tlsep tpraied, tlsa me strut ni npheedpa my the em sysesssrsas ttha ,me edcnda 2 beneta 3 adme my otg to u,pb eilf eht ornuad nthik is veah iev hmoe in. Ayer eosd nhecag i tnxe eusr ihtw gnoig who m'i nui at mi im orf ubt tish tlitle tontcen "oh omtemn eitm be wlli gialhnug ylefms lil' ta tdon she butdo eht ehrwe ok"wn henirevygt. Tusj at(hnk at ikraenht yrc orf my epoepl eolv atth htsta i tleona)isair dlorw uyo ot cma magkni singpietrf adn adn hwo me me at a heva. Gingo ): ngceha si ofr lal eth seeapl ubt reetbt ot feoluylph scray atth dan sti.

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