Dear FutureMe,
OG LETTER:
Dear FutureMe,
I'm currently a 16 year old mess
I have no idea what I want to do in life
I have no idea who I want to be in life
I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything.
How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing.
I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived.
I want to live not just exist.
I feel so lacking in everything.
I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world.
I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me.
I love you no matter what.
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Dear FutureMe,
wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year
update time!!
so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now.
It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave the work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well.
Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment.
Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering
so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that
Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!!
Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well.
It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it.
what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life.
I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come.
I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :)))
I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3
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2023 reply
Awwwww i cannot beleive that first letter was only 2 years ago - from 16 to 18 feels like such a jump. omg yeah im an adult now ahjkjglgjldjfldf
yeah about that whole being a mess thing - defo still true lol, i had a massive breakdown last night and i still find it really hard just dealing with my emotions, but guess who's got therapy now? ta-da!! even if i dont really think its working and dont really like my therapist - i'm going to have to find the courage to talk to mum about switching but thats for another day. yeah still never dated, still never kissed anyone - **** ollie for messing up my life tbh - oh yeah i've started opening up to a couple of people more about what happened, still havent talked to mum though :(
who needs dating when i can shamelessly flirt with charlotte whilst watching good omens,
awww supernatural still bringing that nostaglia though - more stuff about the spanish dub came out recently haha - chaos i love it
oh yeah i got tumblr again - honestly loving it, feels nostalgic and warm and safe <3
my new fandom of choice is f1 at the moment - i really hope this doesn't die away like so many of my other loves - something about it i really love the excitement - the longevity of any of my passions is always in doubt. theres like extra pressure this time because I've dragged mum and iris into my thing now. also i need to stop irresponsibly spending all my money on f1 hats from vinted.
haha oh the gap year - well its here! but my god 17 y o poppy was snobby and thought she knew everything haha. getting a job is wayyyyyyy harder than it looks trust me - im scouring indeed literally every day
i've applied to a whole bunch of jobs and got one interview (in 2 days ahhhhhhh) - i mean they want to pay me a criminally (literally) low wage but hey ho - money's money right.
oh yeah, 2 years ago i was starting my a levels, 1 year ago i was getting close - omg ITS OVER BABES YOU DID IT!!!!! A*AA BESTIE!!!!! WITH AN A* IN THE EPQ. so smart, so hardworking no one can take that away from you.
ew dont even start on doctor who - thanks to another guy named olly (i think i'm cursed to be screwed over by that name) i cant be doing with that for a bit.
yeah iced coffee still does it for me :)
its hard with all my friends moving away to uni, i kind of dont want to let them go but also im ready to get into the flow of working and finding out what hobbies i want on the side - kind of wanted to learn bookbinding so i can have physical copies of my fave fanfics (omg FG though - you should so re-read that fic its so **** good)
hope you're still as awkwrard and wierd and awesome this time next year - love ya!
PS omg reread the hunger games dude - id forgotten literally just how good it is - i know this sounds dumb but like its still so much fun to read even as an adult
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bring on 2024
Epilogue
1 day later
2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...
Litslaycadr tusj gtbgsie aghnec niu rthguho lfie eben lyho eikl my reve illw ireent hte ce,hgna **** oabrylpb e'vi. Aoutnm teh nansei cuhm no ryzac tlop uitrg,nn who its odlrw sjut cuocr of htta to and isstwt me peesk the. Efel to elik nqieosuts i a ok uohlds wef i sedopnr.
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Eallry sa lfisrt,y lrgi toin my ti uoy i teendx lla it ti to naepph leohw sa tasrts stpo onso nda ulrosfey stuj hoguthr alglowniw gest ayer eovl, so oury rutst efli you lod iggno ni eret,bt sr,yor rwee you my ot ctaf l,fes ysirem em 61 in im orwht. Fmor gnbie fare as tath up im ouy asttr to ouy eles tsuj as me orf nda i sa way supdit hnat owldu cnooul adn oeolrc yesdh noos eavh of i nepo oyrnevee sa aawy icrpneeeexs aevh nda yuo, llisy you ounrda as rttus seen si hnitk aisrdlee. Oruy pu hwti reyv rea rmoe dna hhgi gowr iwht hcry,reahi arel reom dan pnexad myrttu,ai tno criecls kcab pmitotrna ka(a also het tjsu tiny efli hrwee siltl ossdsebe adn yuo at eth si ulaiprtyop zrinohso oesd 61 lbbueb fcterle ietm nda hits eppole rleasie teh you emosc nmlharoo oochsl). .
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Nad swhtdeic tuo i igana tiasrgtn ni linngae imcitmoaconnu shti all caehgn emaid taht owkn nda to enevr eerdeg nda you my - sa cieohc eigruf a retetl imhtg a srue mi elwoh wostard my t'ill sjnuliomra **** a)hha ive' tmie mi gtinrtgere to be mi btu /w yhhlig olt olas tbi yare shtoryi (nto cssasilc ym extn.
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'rewe - sig,nisk trtpey soby obr eli tsill dnbieh yahe nggoi ot ,ngtaid not. Try dan rgow nigbe haey cidlh boj does ptteyr pu ewnh tade poor ot a sa'd as yieks a os ginunlpsiyurs uyo. I sdohl urloiysse jkoes a ntigh uoy it how is ysror nwo, tub evne uhcm acbk ganmki dba ilstl is dliw it kwno. Ot auedtp yoe'ur mi eth phpya lol gimth eb a dah doeybn dan whsi htta htat 5022 i in ltebas heav erhtpay but i ro teebrt driaaf tpnihasriole nda drweko ewns a. Of rof idd uyo rtecse otuab <3 oot yaw yu,o updor ttha uyo he ot idd umm esrpu wtha oradun uyvoe' gonl mi os eltl irracygn ebne.
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,ti si't e'yuor isetpairhonl whit sa cngriy eurs reyv yruo nda snoe,ra a im het shapse ysub epsahs esunaurlratp tuoab yuo sbnrgsieeam ehyret' elif a in egt ok tino a lubrtm eanetgre ym vene of be k!!o! i litls roem rof wnko ppyha huohgt ogt more cumh teetbr utb shtta tpas my my iimnhsid emro dan to wlil on,w im i udsseppo ineunefcl f1 lstil uoye'v eovl akbtowrch. .
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Tno ieeelvb isth lgreii igong to 'ueryo ko. . . . Acelp krow lla oevuy' tseoc ouy elsvehs eyah omr,f ttah uyo teh llayielrt bbeas tdire ese'ffco them on eth ta scokt. . . . Otpl ttiws ahah. Thwa ahey 16 sa htta dceodnersi o(h secto ignkcots zcrya ever elsvhes )ltrae htta a god y rstfi ym ot !eltetr! y,rc eavh tmonnei we di' egt job heer o im i tub at eth vleod ensolhyt oscte 'tndo ta tub e'iv ntkhi me a,re mhuc toon eb ew dah wuldo autob ni ndoig 19 so l'elw.
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Htikn kcab oruy rouy ouy tren'a enve oyu reiwd as etistenrs, meta tsutr odwsrl rmniyaiga nda ignwrti cmuh sa olghndi me arenidg. And it cumh oyu ni you dan uassmed bda sit wsa gthnsi me adn ti a adn nthgi, dan os odd lal adn at uevla hwihc adn senteivsi debeoelnlgkaw dna fnnuy mugs eiwdr meoveit 17 taht atsp idkn i 18 swa poelpe an,wt's made etseh and. .
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Ltasmo ngvaih fraes thwa hwere sncerpiexee uroy swa ni anc amletn tbi sginsmi nthki he,atlh tou, kdi eerht arle wno genteea oldwr trtus out eekp sseimd ,no letairy tou onw 16 rof i ye'oru erew that ouy aws at m,e an beetrt esylofur it uyo hesot eag yuo ta a. .
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Pohe htna ifeenlg btreet em m,e ,oyu tuefru era and "i iglnvi.
Uoy ettarm veol on htaw i. Iutce tahw a ". Strut odgni bdudy ere'w ok em.
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Oyu oyu stmie ilgr ni othse levles kewn jtus in o ewer phuings dogo nhwe oyu ougt,hhr o i ytenohl,s xseam lal me royu ohec eikl ktinhare ingibv lwle ftca sasy feel good seotc yruo i hwta igneb oyppp fo yuo ni 18 seodeartn hsuc upord agnazim twhi and y ooelooloohoo ptu ewer hse y odne ahdr a rfo wree krw,o ftfroe e,atsd ubato aadeh os hider 71 yuro oyu epurs. .
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Cpinenregxei it os im yeah ria,n i so gntlhgiin ti swa so" tth"a hucm hrad htngi nieard tlas esmertepb on!!w - adn kidel ereth ----- mdoarn btu trhig.
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Iun aefc dcie i at it dna ghhout hyae em ecoeff pir ngiog acn iemm sltil a trsg,on ucle fi rdoffa ahtt not ttela lirg.
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Ot i hte akbc joek ryea tnmeal lfagire yfnnu mean uro stju nkhit nodt sit alhteh tsrenceh how em pops llolllll ni )si ryrso i 81 - dlo mi( sshe.
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Het tohnms 3 nda ti het a hlep btu good rahd emos uto os srfuaec npieslroafso it epkt ehnw ta ggoin my aifyeletnd uni to lcoo idtnd was fefrto upt oolc ojb eyha lal ellev edne cuhm aheyrtp uoy asw i too ni ot fidnnig get thsat wneh gtinh ot foaatl em rfsit help hnut 'yorue.
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Ot ti and to noohyo,awoooo kwno dtno eth ialgtkn eb orf semse yeha ryngit nto rldeaay we albh ,htis tnkhi umm atht keep ot otbua went i so lelw nodig lbha i obj ahbl dnoe trguohh.
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Os gnlrtiif oh tlo rhee serthe ko dduyb dogo to hiwt o,msen oyb cterhlaot byo rveo a napukc ho ho oyb. Itstkok si onwtdlu oyu liegntl 2024 eht atth ehr au"otb is "0232 istwt em tlop em ese veebiel elik ohtes tmoemn enwh fo eht tish. Htis i owh ouy lrgi dlouw arlyellit ryosr rtyso cntoan ahmtof to eatcr. Yllo cdoort ot laso htsi owh sklin. .
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Ddi os i g,shadeg ltod tujs ue'ryo os her she it weird aywsayn dlwuo evne esh htwa, heay blliacsay it dan hislsef anc seiky so ouy kwne e,mt omg ??t??herg?o???et? ouhhtg llet teyh ehyt eslpt eb yahe uoy kilde mhi dna asw eikl. Sa saibllyac derfni sh'es rneve ogrwn erh tbu sese het dan ueecsba enepdo it sseh ltdo tmnea seshifl he ehr htat ouy go hadr ti ye??s?a? odgo she fo taht hes seabuec eyse so ylreal nto aywynas snictoa sa yb hatt ryou a i nda rome rost goedolsapi otni tafc to waann ondt hse's ro aws was nedo. . . . Tshi rof erday tge. . . Tsuj mseo dmae pu joek tuoba em mcuh it lwohe a hte ewnh srdewce autistino adn eohrt ???n?wo seh dntid tge i loyl a woh stju hmi ont hes hsa fb ,gyu. It kisomgn vlesle drttsae me i me p,u ilek sedmes eanm emdsse pu ylesosriu fo i. Mi pnaeshp eomks dtind you onkw wtan nreuyog em **** em to yrsor yralle i :((((.
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Godo olhnesyt da,hr a im ntitgeg htta i fadqieilu eaillylrt rposen hety utb todnluw kucyl wsnat' got yhw bjo a laos ahey nwat me. Ym (kaa aaig)n hist felenncui esye mrpveio my ni eht and si taesr yug opso fo ym slef eehlpd me rilosseyu ego eetesm acm no stih.
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Me ielttl tath ryou (kaa soen cet) to dan noes yevr h,urt the to ie,uols ftrdi ****** uin isdsp,ifrenh sredfin lwli vgmino no aer veah syat rouy eatmn the piamct to o,raltchta lto will tsurt lwli lcalutya het entma. Enev kaa a nwe ni ned tlo oryu nad aosnt efw llyou' a sfdreni ercsol mimyj pcki /ygraucreb hte tlsli up eelbaanl loas hwti iheml) pu dan olepep gttiegn ly'olu rak(m onagl ywa nowt.
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Lwil uory yeathlh het flei rodlw iofticnfan will of og a im fro you ersu a inmatrn,ttenee rley eetrh tbu no aswaly otu eb ancleeb sels uyo eetshr rrwoy big eht nfa part het ondt remo ouy.
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Rsayssssess ,me dteap,ri sekew is fanilyl sah edon aslt usymarm in ikhnt remo 2 have ofrm up ,ugsy het kicgipn eth 3 ta f,fo itwh nierdv hmoe arse esidrfn me htna is lteps pu tebnea flie uygs yalern ubp, to r,esindf duanro kdo,esm nceadd amde got i evi ahtt in the eilk my ni wdee, olt, away strtu a dpapnhee em snrteietde my i htwi. Lliw "wnko ewrhe reus btu owh tocnent tboud lli' itme be mmonet ta encgah whit onggi ta ualgghin tlitle ryea sdeo im dtno yreietgvhn esh nui tenx ymself this i h"o teh fro im im'. A thta es)liiranota ta hinkater amc rof iresinptfg adn me nmaigk uoy me at i levo woh thtas cry adn vahe kh(ant wlord to epolpe tsuj ym. Eancgh lla terebt taht ot het ): rof dan elolhypfu aesple utb is aycsr ist ogign.
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