A letter from August 1st, 2023

Time Travelled — almost 1 year

Peaceful right?

Dear little darling, I write letters quite often, to future me and future you ... Every February, a new one. But i wondered if i was able to ask and say anything i wanted to say would one letter even be enough? So this will be a letter full of encouragement, love and ofc many Questions. This time, i write a letter i don't wanna know much about your appearance, i am not trying to manifest another look. I just want peace and happiness and something that keeps me going. At the moment, i am very lonely, i barely have any friends, and for the ones i have... I am barely there. Friendship confuses current me, bores me, and somehow my brain... simply doesn't understand it. I want romantic connection, many crushes .... i want excitement and butterflies... But i hope you are doing it differently,. I hope you found friends and you care about them, are there for them. You owe yourself that. Besides that, we need more love for the things other people dont always love. And i wanna go out in public for myself without wanting to appear good for anyone else. Is 18 years iold really that different ? Like the other people say it is? Is it scary? Do you feel different? Have more responsibilities? How are you doing it... i know you are able too. I will try to prepare a lot for you... I should learn to take care of myself. What did you do on your 18th birthday ? And what will you do on your 19th? A party or where you still to afraid? Its only one more month from now and rightnow it feels like i dont have a single plan. I might delete social media before and spend it alone,.the way i want to. Without checking for anyone elses love. But the questions would **** me... and i dont lie. I will find people i love this month. Just a small group i can do smt with, nothing huge... thats not current me. I changed a lot.. And i bet you are different from me again as well, aren't you? I am excited to be you. And i am excited for you to read this. I am filled with fear and love to see future me... I hope i gave you enough support. I hope life is easy for you, even tho that hypothetical because what even is easy, right? Do you still play Piano? And did you ever play in public? Quertour went alright.... but did you go again? Whats your favourite song at the current moment? Mine is " from your room" mia Stegner- its my only motivation to go out. My biggest supportive song this year. Do you model? I kinda hope you do haha... What about them? Are they still together? Are you in another relationship? Or atleast had feelings for a while? Some sort of connection? How much do you miss him? Is it true that you remember the first love forever? I wear his bracelet, do you? I hope you still write poetry. Is your hair still ginger or did you decide to change the colour? How is the renovation of the home going? I feel some fear about it... but it will all be okay... i will try to do a lot for you so you can have a nice home. I will work hard in school too. So? Are my grades good? Do i get through school, i mean survive it? Every day? Do you love me? I want your love older me...♡♡ I will fight for you. Will you fight for me, when someone does me wrong? I wish i could hug you... but i know i cant. Do you still talk to julian tbh? I guess luna and Max are obviously still gonna be there... those angels never leave, right? Drink some water by the way... you deserve it. And eat what you crave, i will too. I hope you are physically active, not to improve your looks but to improve your mind. Do dark and broken people still pull you in? Is there something in you that still craves pain? I bet there is... Do you still spend to much time on your phone? Haha. I for sure do... but i am trying. Oh do you still do dressage? If yes... what level are you? Do you compete? Any new deads? Well i would hope not... bcs this year there where pretty many... I think that's it for now.... i love you angel<3 Love you a lot. And i hope you always feel that love. I hope you create to make it even bigger. You are art!!!!

Epilogue

3 months later

Hiii Old me🫶🏻

First of all, allll love to you my strong little girl.
I didn't write my februrary letter this year, but I am planning to do so soon....

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Wise its wsayal teiwr to a ym ( to ouy mero uyo i ldoush now aekm rufute to gilr, vae)dic tkae seru ebrtte ear.
Me orf lla this knath ni nvaedca fro ogdin oyu.
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Yrt a ist cipot ghytnain uyo euc,ofsd dan i ot gtnyri i to isceeiots ot ma mroe tlisl fmro omre capanearpe rt'wnee aldg eguh mtfaneis dan away stdadarsn etg em utyaeb fo vdeeryya.
Eevr l'il enordw i fi eb feer.
Me ylalre erhet eeluafpc tath eyt tndo we pmeo,ris is eth oetmn,m kepes eliv a scuh aylasw ta have i miesngoht goign.
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Enlloy a acre i i be of thta hamct ym otsl orf olt csepa nyrege i a i sa ,idd niot frotfe fo adn oth, a trcaiegn sa rnsdfei htere dna tath the sjut mero llsit will utp lfee my ma rsnfeid feas uaotb esab sllti uoy.
Tlo shti emt i odl pelpoe eya,r fwe the hot eson wen a of edmreani a.
Fredriek tog o,wn i thna wiht iidrnhepsf ni si btu tllsi omer eseria edctynen ,lees ot em sllit vhae do slulp eyaonn mcinotar osmt iotoennncc twah hte hte.
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Fo lto a mtoshn rof tup etffro rfhsdiniep toh rni,agdl 'intdd idd and tdea reffeintd ym od ntio i a oslt i.
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Nvneeu inghst i ees elpeop leov rgey esicit iytn itsll the i,n to yuetba iseldat adn nad to atnc ohems symes n,iks orhte rty seem.
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In ni ossev,erlu ttyolcnnsa nggio lauyactl of eelfgin toaub flyedtnie evpeicder dan eitndsa my uot ot to mots nawt aobut rfo w,ya buclip knthi am we i nresgpoisrg dya that athw i lbea od are.
Fo somtaewh eenv sslo girsnb cppeanera het smae a i,ffeetrdn ttasnnoc oeg ckba ifel ym het ouscf ta ctrssiuineei efles marlec fo on teh and lot towhtui anmy old mite.
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Onw to i i an laeryl bit heilw a audtl ibdhne, ndte elef leef 81 rytlu at ocen oemr l,al ma yan 'inddt ebing emtemsosi zeilear ni nidefeftr i a and.
Tills rugntin be a i l'li eefl soo,n lcihd ikle 02.
Uytlr la,l finerfetd ta byab sti my on.
Nwo do andgehc few i a rmoe tol alyrbe i a ees tlil have and tub tath roem rezaeil ,muhc now bseiniloetiprss nnaigtyh.
O,ehm drha at tsi.
Ti asw wyasal tbu.
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Hwo am hte iandhlng notei?essisrblipi i.
Ainlegrn nmeaga a dhlic i dltau is utb owh ma to that to m,eh vvueisr lilst i.
Em ot kema orf you gntiyr ti takhn raeise rfo.
Ot i taht oudhsl i lemsfy lraen lveeebi arce stlil keta of.
Keam npstempnitoa ym rodtoc ckoo dna onw iylda. . . But imet come iwll it ithw.
Ll'i rievuvs.
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On ht81 yraell do bhatir,yd nygahnti i ddin't ym or t1h9.
Ettggni seauplre ta enardgra ym emti csik i asw no ym hnet my swatord psned eht dna ugst uhiowtt care srniwt'e 1h8t pcael,.
I and dtyhriba few em lvoe yera erfd,reki me ,tehm a eutc ho)t i gstif bdliu gelo ym dn'idt foeswlr ety mteh roehtm ( reirfedk endps thiw we isht tgo ym tog. He i ( otdn idrec erbeemmr me rbolybpa hled i ralely adn my ybtia)hrd.
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Itlls was tl'noudw to aveh fardai usyelr aytpr salo ppoeel nda uheos htsi i ot nawt ta a.
Ntia that nigilv abd but ifle qiuet a tareafll.
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A dalg idd lo,t ma gahcned yuo too oh lesuyr i eys i. .
Otl i eoanl a i am oot hte fyeml,s kiredn rptsnee ywa.
Tiwh aefr hmcu eht orf f,treuu as ldfile i tsju nad heop am.
The enorsp i am nda tlka oyu eryall did oryu oyu dlouc to a,hnfltuk i rae etbs rvey hwsi i.
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Aureg ouy aehrrd ton ti ,me for si asw sit rof yesa em wdoul feli rfo tnha i lyusre.
Dna srvvuiign lwel aanig heitrv ubt sa am i oosn i illw.
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Rof 2 np,oia oevl lpay ees,kw tndo illw to rysule i od eht ltlsi i evne i ciprctae i spot toh 'tddni n,iapo the erve eeivbel aypl i.
Qietu sdayl ylpa lpbiuc yalpde ouy opnia i in utb het awslay se,ahmyre ,urlealyrg noaryme ncat irhet ni.
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Never get aberyl euhnog rehew i so and how ,no ot ot i twen do uturreoq uyo gnorts ia,ang.
Ckdpei sngo you as ruoy a rvatouf,ie enci.
Ist from a fo ***,******* a i just si niegcil ohw het nsittig "eehrtes wah,ke at gonilok " ndagierm rthee iglr myaa my vatfreiou ubtao eebivle got aginpnit ihwrtong.
Lrgi, dan i sa in rfeelhs aleylr eses do lelw ayam tath.
No li,gr usjt a ist ot tningoh r,etseeh mettar ******,*** jstu wtah.
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" ntihicarts teaohnr erlayl an i tixnenaloap to ralyeb i veah si sujt eth ttha nr am o,ht evol i "uyo velo vbie i sogn orf the.
Ehlow oru lyeral o,lt adh iths, cusmi obtua aedi a asy tbu elttli ivdormep ti no ot eatst rorys uyo.
A am oodg giiudnbl i own setta.
Ikel dna tsi otdn lodem my erca i deookl ta sotm rn ot ro dtno annwa i cerveeidp hatt i tma dnto ton dlome idtlynfee be drlow rtihe,e.
Nda yb drneiv uabety dgree so dton be etpicfsitrnecoi dan annwa i.
Tawn avlie ot i eb. .
Relayb i resluy ogind asttr lilw gnaia irepcstu eevn aekt evne at i so toh nya -lla.
Het esesn hatt fo lacu ientetrss cpiot you lot a skaem.
Achir flla otnd yaalltcu htsi yuor fo tbu ersusp,ri i riuspers ayre mte hmi.
Ayw nvree eh eh ldot me erh me oen,arym veen eldki ehty eldki he eth tegheort raetn'.
I as he dtn'di far aehl idd as.
Ddi nraid m,e enwh i ot me i s,atp lefe nda tbu acn,rtioav eh ouldc ot dawetn rou ubrstfylet t,gyinhan yblare all i leef i no mrbeemer tired or etowr swa ti ni'dtd.
Ro teh em shi dn'dit euerpfm, airuhtc wya ish eh teysl dseksi ish ekil i rehenti.
Ywa cdaet kldate eht dna em ton taworsd hte ayw eh i he haetd.
Sih will fi rn si stinel pvomrei elif in i dan issm veer eh twha omsiesetm eh wdneor l,al gsitnh i ta imh dngoi dnto.
Its pian the lwdlaoe lla all ,douran **** bakc ****** be lamtso i rbasneimasg ot aeys eth up nad ihm who.
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Vnee imh ta neraoym want utb otuab nduaro i hmi i wtier nodt odnt a,ll.
Fo beieelv tol eepk olev, wlil to oyu oyur a i mreerebm foecrd tisrf an iuisnlol ttah orfeev,r laevi od itsll it saw btu i. .
Neo urytl i ayd ernstduand llwi yaebm.
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Dont ish dan bcteealr a i uslery eawr trweo arwe lgdo aroe,ynm i i ,opem nw,o.
Fof it put rtedtas i kim tindag hwen i.
Wlli heesrow,me easv epke it all satht utb i.
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Akem ot htta otn tle reev ma i bnari me ym if be grfeto ti srue i ot dan abel all i lilw tirse epaendph, pseorsc.
Aw,ya leysru our l,lwoys aedf ioememrs utb.
Yuo i mki oyu siht or ewitrn mete tye ewhn rethie, inddt' nkow tewro.
In hmi a eacdirr fro iwleh ellayr lal otinordaa tsol m,ik otloansieltcn eth for a i loyn tath is ta of tmrtaes eon owh.
Kwne am ensse but aseytd veen sa we i i i no akwe emad as hto mih wthi.
We eerw stnomh oru oescl ctactno 3 rsefias,n ni we artef lylufaw 3 ppesodt ,mnhsot fieuulabt all.
Otu pucole kiel udwlo a adn yever kema tca emivo snocoaci ta.
Tiwh at em asw a he rfo eid smeil rof all hongue to 'ntwsa btu ugy teews a eh.
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Dn'dit 'dintd ihwt 8 elah and ot od i ih,m etad ot osufc nefidsr taht, atefr ddeeen for ihantgyn twna mnotsh on.
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Tesr fdrekire i iotrhys teh ltli etm nda is.
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Notd i irtew mat i yuo as muhc a as rypoet text lla di,d ta tol aerlyb.
I t'ndo ot idfn will utb ym oyrwr abkc ,ti awy.
Won i ti ma hto ern,gig rwgo illts ym idndee si to uto ingrceondci airh.
Og ehoyn ainkd nnawa obln/d ronbw i.
Nigrge si arintsgt hte em to earft hteos eobr ysrae lal.
Own ngogi rtane si eht dan rokw a remo intevraoosn fsta tehre sa sa aedpnnl mseo if as wlasay) i but mnviotreepm bti (.
Enxt nhacge a tol arey lwli.
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Been a yrae mermo,ededcn in lhcoos ew nvah'te uot of bveel,ie onw ogdo asw snc,ei ppedrod it ouy clhoso ,wtb i.
A,yok ayswnya emti are ma dpruo ylevotircupd ew btu i oerm dpsne hvae sti fo rheew ontwgrhi we our coldu.
Og lliw cloosh kcab osno i ot.
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Rlig, otngrs i ulawyfl foc you ouy ltleit ym vloe rae.
Oyu leov o?ot me od.
Xetpeec?d oth neev ndieffter sit ntah all.
Efel ehgdug.
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Hnte all moeeons i seod nted aieysl fco npai tefogr msefyl yuo eosstimme i for uyo oth tighf nhew nda rgow,n i dan ytr ot peatcc.
Of eorscu uyo ijluan itdoi i atlk isllt to.
Atht boy eernv etbetr eelsva.
He humc snwok toooooo.
,hot a we ntdo ealiycvt nhgeadc nrameyo klta lot.
Alun yalsd tmee we uyo crdpd,etei sa yte stlil axm hot ayer urando 'ndtdi hits is.
:(.
I mssi rhe.
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Rfo e🏻🫶m nakht cagnir i nireodpsgn uaobt ldveo to yuo uy💋o uchm os.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


Aug 01, 2023 → Aug 01, 2024 • 789 words
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