A letter from Jul 22, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I know we are insecures in many things. We rely on other people's perspectives and it's really different from OUR situation. From the body, ideals, knowledge and skills, we are insecure. Ate Gladys always ask us, “Unsa jud diay ang pulos nimo sa kalibutan?” From the word ‘pulos’ or worth, I don't know. I keep asking myself the same question. What's the purpose of my life. I kept saying, “I do live to inspire others.” However, I didn't aspire to become one. I want other's happiness to come first before mine. But when the time comes that I do want to have my spotlight, it suddenly turns off. Maybe, I cheated and manipulate them because they are TOO much for me or I just don't know how to keep it. It disappoints me every time I get rejected from every BPO companies that I applied. It disappoints me that I still depends on my brother who became my foster parent since my father became disfunctional. It hurts my pride that I can't even get long term job due to my reckless answers on job applications. I hate it. It ***** me to the point that I wish to God that they take me somewhere I belong. I hate escaping from this but I don't know how to juggle these problems all alone. The clouded judgements create prejudice on how I can be better. The anxiety comes first before anything else. I hate it. I want to believe that I'm worth fighting for. I want to change and I keep finding the right answer to my questions. Yet, there's none. I'm at lost for words to express how frustrated I am. Maybe someday, the moment you've read this, I hope you'll be able to know what's the meaning of life do we have. Because if we find it, I might consider living in a ****** hell like this. You can do this, Tina.