A letter from Jun 30, 2023

Dear FutureMe, My dreams felt so real. Out of many dreams that I had everyday. There's an certain dream that I cannot forget and torturing me whole day the moment that I open my eyes. This dream make me feel loved, cared and worth it. So, how can I forget the feeling that I found a man who's loving me unconditionally for what I am. Too many scenarios in my dreams. I just found myself in danger. My life is in threat. Scared and confused why would I end up like a criminal. All I can remember, I am at the river? The place are familiar but I can't describe it properly. Some of us believe in myths, witches or black magic. And I accidentally crashed into them which lead to me to be in dangered and looking after me wherever I go. I woke up. Which is I am grateful because my heart can't handle it anymore if it is real. And then I slept again. Funny to think my dreams was like fairytale. So in my dreams, my feet are tied and handcuffed, surrounded by guard or whatever they called. But i swear, they are good looking and FCKING HOT!! (OMG SHOULD I STOP WATCHING THOSE GUYS!? IM LITERALLY DELUSIONAL) Despite of their charisma. I'm still scared of my life. Because I don't know what they can do to us. Yes, i dont know in the world why I am suddenly with those girls as a prey. But then, out of nowwhere there's an explosion and we tried to escape. I have so many chance to get in a truck or jeep? But I choose to stay even I might caught again by those guards. I look to one of them, he is just looking at me and his eyes are screaming of something. With my misty eyes, I black out. I woke up again but still in my dreams. Holding in my arms a man that also familiar to me. He's suffering from I don't know what happen. Looks like freezing to ***** and his commadre helping him to ease the pain. With the blanket on top of him, I'm still caring this man to give him warm by embracing him and make feel safe. Without I word, I totally understand why he didn't chase me when I tried to escape. It's like his doing his job and can't disobeyed what they masters/witch command. After the realizatin a question pop to me 'why i choose to stay even in just a seconds they can **** me' In my mind, I answered him because I finally found reason to stay. That I should take care him. That I know he will love me the way I do. He appreciate me because the others cant do it. This man in my dream makes me feel appreciated so why I will choose the reality if I finally found happines in my dream? In real world, I don't want a baby but in this alternavie world, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW THE FVCK HAPPEN THAT I AM PREGNANT AND BROWSING IN MY PHONE A BABY CLOTHES!!?? I also dared to ask the neighbor if the shoppee rider can deliver in their place and they said yes. As far thar I know, the place of this man-the reason why I stay, is exlclusive and very private. In reality you can call them terrorist because of their aura but THEY'RE NOT! They just protecting themselves from collonist and corrupt government. And remember I said about black magic or mythical creatures!?? They are just like that but less. Anw, going back to the moment that I have now a family in this man. I just can't believe it! If we can compare the life that I had in my own family and in this life with this man. It's totally different. In my family, I am free, spoiled and can get what I want. But in this man!? I am broke asf, it's look like my life is back to zero and I need to build it in my own. But can't complain because I was happy in this man!? And decided to convine myself that I am now ready to for this!? LIKE WHAT THE HELL THIS LOVE DID TO ME!?? Now that Im writing this story of my dream I want to slap hard my alter self. What happen to mindset you will cut the culture cycle that your family had? To married in someone and have family? Even if it will suffer you at worst but you can't stop it because you love the man!? GIRL, IM GLAD THAT I WOKE UP!!! I SWEAR I LOVE TO BE WITH THIS MAN AND I CANNOT!!! To the man in my dream, I'm happy I met you at least in my dream. You make me feel butterflies that I can't experience in this real world. You are my everything. You are the one who convinced me to stay at your worst despite that I've been educated in my whole life. I promise to myself that I will be heartless for whatever who you are because thats the only way to protect myself from pain. But hell, I can't deny the feeling when I am with you. I'm so happy. I feel loved. Which I can't find it in every guy who want's to be with me in real world. Thank you for making me feel that way. 'Till we meet again <3 --- DO I NEED PSYCHIATRICS BECAUSE I AM BEING DELUSIONAL JUST BECAUSE OF MY DREAMS THAT ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TRUE OR THEY HAVE A MEANING!?? AM I CHEATING IF I WILL TELL TO YOU THAT THIS MAN IN MY RECENT DREAM ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKING ME FEEL THE SAME WAY!?? ISTG THE MAN IN EVERY DREAM IS FACELESS BUT THE FEELINGS ARE THE SAME SO HOW CAN I TELL!? NOBODY ASK BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING IN THIS DREAM. THEY DONT HAVE MEANING BUT IT WILL GIVE YOU A LESSON. GIRL! DON'T SETTLE FOR THE LESS BECAUSE OF THE GUY. YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY AUTHENTICALLY AND ALSO EMOTIONALLY. AND IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE. THEN GROW TOGETHER WITH YOUR PARTNER! IF YOU TRUST HIM THEN GO, BUT IF HE IS JUST FVCKING GOOD IN BED AND NOTHING ELSE! LEAVE GIRL!! I think this will be the end of my story. Btw I write this to less my thinking for this man in my dream. And yes I dont want to forget this, thats why im keeping it haha. Also sorry for the grammatical error and so on.