A letter from May 3rd, 2023

I never thought in a million years I’d be expressing these emotions towards you. I beg for you to break my heart, I want you to give me every reason to hate you. I need your existence to fill me with unfathomable rage. I have every right to feel the way I do but as it gets closer to Tuesday I can’t bring myself to not love you. Why are you choosing now to be so nice to me? I need you to arouse me with your conspicuous negativity. Tell me how much of a whore and how pathetic I am. Degrade me and remind me why I am going to end things with you. I love you so much it hurts. You are an unbearable human being and I can’t handle you being apart of my life anymore. You try to take control over every aspect of my person yet I can find every other reason to stay with you. Your love for me is unconditional and I don’t think I will ever find that again. We would make a beautiful family but I can’t bare to carry that burden. Stop telling me how beautiful I am and seeking for my forgiveness. Your apologies mean the world to me yet they’re worthless. No one has ever made me cry the way you have. I seek so desperately to be at peace. Everything sucks and everything hurts but it has to hurt before it can get better. I don’t think I will ever find anything greater.