A letter from Apr 13, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear future me, dear you, the little girl in a big girl body. We should started a chain. I should've think about it before. Last year the letter we're from April 11, now it's the April 13, next do April 15 okay?. Dear the little girl in big girl body, little do you know, somewhere in between, you've realize one thing. I think something is wrong with that heart of yours. Because it's a little bit different. Your heart is filled with so much love, so on the daily you give to your sister to your friends, to those books, the history, to art, to music, to audiobooks and so much more. Your heart is simply it's full of love!but I think those love is never yours to keep. Your heart only filled with love to give, I've been looking and looking and I don't know if there's a kind of love in your heart, the kind of love other give to you to keep. You know what? I don't think you have any space to keep the love for you. Because the other day, your mother said "good luck on your test!" for probably the first time ever but you don't really feel anything but confusion. Yesterday, you actually get "best team leader of the month" and it happened again, confusion. A couple times too, I think you recieve love? but I don't know, because when it happened we didn't feel anything. At moments of love, when you supposed to feel loved, you don't feel loved, but instead, confusion. But I don't know, maybe there are time we did feel oved, but I can't recall a thing about it. At first, it's great you know, giving love, it's like watering plants but it's getting more tiring because I realize, we realize, we're a plant to. I want water too. I think I got water. I think I got love. But when?. Why I can't remember when and how or who. But one thing I know, I want to know how does it feel. Loved. Just a couple days a go, I readt that, love came in many things and I think about that. I think about that, really. But even when love have many form, I can't recall any of memory being love from other form. I think, all remember from this heart is the pain. Maybe, just maybe, we had too much pain the last couple years it makes us hard to feel love?because all the pain?. This little heart is tired and fragile from all the pain but somehow still able to love others. But let's stop. Let stop talking about love and heart because there so much more than it. First thing first, it's happening, You're about to fail one of the most important class and you have two weeks to fix it. So that means no lacking. But you can do it!. But please tell me you managed to save yourself!. Second, **** you apparently doing good on organizations!yesterday you just got a recognition from the good work you've done the past 2 months! and you'll keep up. You also active in other two, the museum's youth and intern at school, now tell me how did it go? did one of the got destroyed?. Third, you have a crush now, initial F.H, how did it go? Fourth, apparently tomorrow is the announcement of the scholarship-student exchange you applied for! please say that you spent five great months in Spain!. Fifth, your sister and your mom? how are them? mom with her catering and our little sister with the national test? I'm sorry if there's too many question but I just want to know ok!. How was April 2023 to April 2024, was it hard, again?. But hey, nevertheless, you've always made it, you and you all the way. (that's why I'm hoping you get with someone!it's time isnt it?but it's ok it there's no one). Oh did you read more books about IR, physolopy and data?I wish you do. And the glasses!the glasses!you change your glasses right?!please tell me you do, it's a horrible one!. Oh God! just remember something!.You know how we went from one organizations to another since highschool?. All of them we're fun but most of the times you just feel a bit of invisible and felt your work weren't appreciated enough. But then a couple days later, you got recognition of the best team leader. Wow what a coincidence right? well yes it's a bit hard to process but yeah apparently you're not so invisible anymore. Things are changing, in the good way. I'm so can't wait what are the change that will happen in the next twelve months. Maybe about our self, about our body, abour about heart or even all of them at once?. Just hang on okay, the plot is just getting good now, we need to be alive and well to reach the best part. Also one more thing, did you learn French again?heh. That's all little girl. I hope you, the little girl in big girl body, all well. With gratitude and love, you from the past.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

(I'm writing a response but also a continuation for the future)
At the time I received your letter, I was taking a break from my studies and my work for...

Aozoisniagntr eht. To k?oay 3ht1, tiunneco saw elt hnet wno omfr eht ot i eht me c!hnia teuon,nci lar,pi ends fo teh of hte to lpi,ra ti oyu dnmeir etrlte h1t7 het aehv teh tenh you osuevirpyl h11t to eforeb ot 5th,1. Osrt,y het eovl srggtunilg asd oru ahtt is ownk shit boatu gnti,h elodv we bnegi rae to ta dan same to ti ltisl cabk ite,m with. To i go elylta, alos eedn tle btu adh i nhtigs ,of i mnya eencpxeire inneosslle. Eevlebi laos i nhtigs ntw'loud oyu anym ecdniexerep. Siwh fturue snhitg het eth are ihwt even siwh ecuros, rtue,uf atth i of edapehpn utb ltsil higtsn i iencdoutn to ro ot heret rea rteeh me evern.
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Tbu ttah uyo isntuygd iedonmtne fdrnei are soed grna,inel msean or zycar hwat a i obuta glr,i ceno ahtt odnerw oh. Htta is in ont kacb ut,er lrpia btu atoyd 2042. Tath cresbesid uoy owh rnudig aymn ghenasc sjtu the hda nomsth last 21. The evyer in on vyree edmra e,ksad si eouvy' ntiosueq tmalos eswanr in. Did reicd ssap ddppoer itlnu slsa,c aws ho!tguh i iesusst twhi btu trs,if it hte belta my amotls lildfe. Giaknm oolcsh tbu cginlla r, uor nad ilmded setb nrd,efi ti eard aws otsp us. Ew teleavnyul hsinif sekma teh and nad tesar sasp etagsnsmins het lscas opts teh all. Rof took ,work eatrg a atyluacl nrut nraliozngitaoa tinshg nodes,c. Is, who ear the be uoy at the of het ggion geigstb tnhe rpmedoto of the yrou het lal innpistrhe rlyoatabor kabc uoy eht ot dahe eemvntnnori smyes besauce smmueu to nwo uqit nlrcturey uoy si eamtdrpnet ixtoc ear of dna but. Datoy, nda sti g,snmtanesis nsthgi dan ear uyro ofr ughstiln evbieel hte hwit sti you eth rof 'cant ollgcee dan rae sayd htnmilgoo hte nyam fo 13 meta lpo!eep t!?i. F tnex to gnsiht hte vome ko, htwi no qnoti,seu. You erew a aorhetn hmi afn dna elatap,nyrp to h,napep paryel erenv esh' h jsut. Htwi eht lese eeoonms nde of ltsa y,ear ubt did lfal ew ta. Oasl btu owh ihm porsne a tofs iwht rwokre opks-fetnso a ,nknediss rdha otnignh adnrou adn whit trnogs ulos a eploep a the,ar etartde. Deam you he gemnhosti lefe. Ohemgnist em eh eefl mdea. Ruenoatyt,lunf otn tbu eht si ulutma neegfil. Inaledr pasin or vene go hfot,ru lnyrtuenaotfu, to ew ddn'it. Djrceeet adn gxncheae eth etwci udstnte saw wciet rof pepiald. Uoy gtlsgnrugi yuo a retnmo eanol, ne'ertw but uoy te,im eb aterg twnaed etm liek owh ot stih. Beacem eelpop ihtw ouy twih nevre evha elocs uoy saol oogd eebn eidsnrf. Tgh,hou gnnao juts hreaton tlnioaneranit toyda up, ew to lavee eamc uryopoitpnt het naacad emyab oytcrun. Dha dna tf,hif omm we rdeaelps la,otunnfeyurt orfm zoer aaign ot artst. Su ehs dan iwht a,otyd aefs tbu aylhthe si. Ilef asol odgo to dna btu had ,ttes aytell n'ddit cein a glleceo a uor sasp hes losoch eht dose iretss go ash. .
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Swreo ni wsa,y nisce a g,oa hsigtn yswa gto tub amyn tbeter tog namy so alos eray hsgitn ni. Ewnt ptnextoaeic yaelrl endboy sghitn. Pu dgwarni vole ,lyealt i ni efll hiwt dtasetr nrigdea pnclie, icdkpe dan ginaa, the giaan. Aply again even dan eht ngaia gmae nru. The ot i od enve to is cpik i eheaivc yrae ihg,tsn het orogtf tnaw ro this to yman tsnihg teh yare v'hatne up got meti. Fo mstonh us ieqtu ebdcmree was ot mylfse ot racmh gn,aia siyalpecle fndi rdha cinse teh rfo.
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Ieenlolnss hetn and eacctpe,cna evlo, em hwti me nad 2230 sguletgr 2420. Twih em ndtid' i so eth 2520 gnith ulrggets emsa ,wshi. Tish era be ohw uoy wya ti in i ni ouy idd'tn ndee (i uyo oeglnb pkee flee dan nad 2520, elef qtieu ishw reanyom !pu evodl btu htat teh yuo eldvo vaeh rae yuo eptacc peales opeh elloyn !wno i ot draleay. Yuro oomrftc iefl nedkir swhi i iwsh ni hraet yuo niessase to ouy si dna i nda. I'm ereth it irpsmoe kwgrnio teg ,llwe igrth i i n,ow am uoy ehwer ont on tbu is thta os nad. Kboso ujst daehwtc i daer aeevrls dovsie buuytoe nad yree,dysta. Vei' reemermb : aecubes i hatw ianpotrtm and erttam ingsht terhe emht ot darelen nwat rea yuo no teshe rlvease rea.
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Nda era t(ub dnee vole yuo ew ve,odl lese ot letaly ot tlsli whti gniivg dna eacr ehtsro gnittge ovel )su who eoenmso ubt lvoe up to os evol - eslssue erhte not ti enpo s,u ot iscne 'dotn sesem ohw be poeepl hrad strfi veen is fro yman.
Pcesa of eecbnsa efel aslo smgnoheti lsoenisnel a mghit rof het veha ti - esel ew ruht fo isngt,meho eth adn esmna nsgi btu. Nwe pnreo?s wsokn ohw bhayob? a enw rof.
Hielw erlocenat nowlud't ohw tmtare - d"nmi 'ist oubta dna lacyatul temart nmid htsoe ohw ntwo' eo"hst. When ot itmeemsos mind eioesmmts yuo dod, how naoignyn 'notd soeht( ,qkyiru rea hwo matrpnoit aer e)m,tatr yuo eolppe. Who rae idmn yuo hwo era opelpe tce ewnh onernlatit ikq,ryu hoets(. Eht ) ni nru ttr,ema ayerll nlgo or wnto' dotn' meattr.
Royu iooptns - eloxepr. Ti is whvaeret. Or e,plepo oitptonpyur ,agtertsy enve. ,lapees eon olyn jtsu tnghi no ot'dn ftieax. Osditanppi ylno will ti you. .
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Twesa fo uyo mtei iosrpem em sepciuro yuro emro ntw'o. Veor 'odnt to i,tem geleloc mhcu be nseroo heav nhta si wkno ew we iogng. Ist' oppup- rntu uyo lewl, own ofr ot ot meti ntisouqse. .
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Epoh si uyo rcaietn sy,e lifeeng enh?yo lwel, noos rtfi,s hwo eh?rat ehret own hael eth ni si rea yuo uyro rnwaes a i fi aipn. A yo?ka teak ergfot ot brkea dnto'.
Ocsfu nniaotla dton' teh ni yuo tums ifsnih pmed?tenart pjtecro ruo dan is on i yuro cdesno, hwo rouy wno nkhti temi by tdenxe rizogotanain veell ew teh eth loer aseh/fnsiilt to dan. I?t anag,i how was tub.
I thrgi ftlmcaoober you eht n,wo nad aesm ophe ,sye hr,itd ear is ma vilnig fi ueosh ewhre eth hes?ou si eth wseomhere siltl oyu wsrean won no hte ,katmer ni i in lvie.
Dan ouy get ni owh dobraa the olac?l owh ,si eltl or so !fra ?nsnehtprii ogt twah voy'ue oyu asw ,eerht idd nlraeed is hf,trou how me.
Me otaub royu etll bibsheo !ti baout own? ohw ihf,tf.
:) i tsrsei owh gi?odn shtx,i peho omm yhlaeht is tyeh rou era uro and.
Nrtarpe how ouy eahv ,hsvtene uoy i?t saw ?ihnatgyn o?nw do do lefe or a elonyl.
The htwa t,on ?won tuefu!r) ewsarn t(spa uyo sidsiatfe hpapy it lhdsou to i ehgti, od is dna reettb dna ekma fi ear.
Yerv shigtn a with thwi nk? ub,t hits cacnhe n,htin ohw low ?imh is era.
Nwo? s'hawt tub aslt ,sya i hte et,nht ro sduohl t,sael h'awst xt?ne ton.
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Iemnsgoth yelepaicsl dt,yao life i fmor tpso spctatenxoie scmeo aubto to it ot ened ghivan when. Os, shwi oyu all eth do but i i y,uo tsbe thngnoi txepec from.
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Gu,irettda 0422 etlucnrry ovle dan ,glheina ouy giwnorg ragnlnie, ihtw who nad. .

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