A letter from Apr 13, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear future me, dear you, the little girl in a big girl body. We should started a chain. I should've think about it before. Last year the letter we're from April 11, now it's the April 13, next do April 15 okay?. Dear the little girl in big girl body, little do you know, somewhere in between, you've realize one thing. I think something is wrong with that heart of yours. Because it's a little bit different. Your heart is filled with so much love, so on the daily you give to your sister to your friends, to those books, the history, to art, to music, to audiobooks and so much more. Your heart is simply it's full of love!but I think those love is never yours to keep. Your heart only filled with love to give, I've been looking and looking and I don't know if there's a kind of love in your heart, the kind of love other give to you to keep. You know what? I don't think you have any space to keep the love for you. Because the other day, your mother said "good luck on your test!" for probably the first time ever but you don't really feel anything but confusion. Yesterday, you actually get "best team leader of the month" and it happened again, confusion. A couple times too, I think you recieve love? but I don't know, because when it happened we didn't feel anything. At moments of love, when you supposed to feel loved, you don't feel loved, but instead, confusion. But I don't know, maybe there are time we did feel oved, but I can't recall a thing about it. At first, it's great you know, giving love, it's like watering plants but it's getting more tiring because I realize, we realize, we're a plant to. I want water too. I think I got water. I think I got love. But when?. Why I can't remember when and how or who. But one thing I know, I want to know how does it feel. Loved. Just a couple days a go, I readt that, love came in many things and I think about that. I think about that, really. But even when love have many form, I can't recall any of memory being love from other form. I think, all remember from this heart is the pain. Maybe, just maybe, we had too much pain the last couple years it makes us hard to feel love?because all the pain?. This little heart is tired and fragile from all the pain but somehow still able to love others. But let's stop. Let stop talking about love and heart because there so much more than it. First thing first, it's happening, You're about to fail one of the most important class and you have two weeks to fix it. So that means no lacking. But you can do it!. But please tell me you managed to save yourself!. Second, **** you apparently doing good on organizations!yesterday you just got a recognition from the good work you've done the past 2 months! and you'll keep up. You also active in other two, the museum's youth and intern at school, now tell me how did it go? did one of the got destroyed?. Third, you have a crush now, initial F.H, how did it go? Fourth, apparently tomorrow is the announcement of the scholarship-student exchange you applied for! please say that you spent five great months in Spain!. Fifth, your sister and your mom? how are them? mom with her catering and our little sister with the national test? I'm sorry if there's too many question but I just want to know ok!. How was April 2023 to April 2024, was it hard, again?. But hey, nevertheless, you've always made it, you and you all the way. (that's why I'm hoping you get with someone!it's time isnt it?but it's ok it there's no one). Oh did you read more books about IR, physolopy and data?I wish you do. And the glasses!the glasses!you change your glasses right?!please tell me you do, it's a horrible one!. Oh God! just remember something!.You know how we went from one organizations to another since highschool?. All of them we're fun but most of the times you just feel a bit of invisible and felt your work weren't appreciated enough. But then a couple days later, you got recognition of the best team leader. Wow what a coincidence right? well yes it's a bit hard to process but yeah apparently you're not so invisible anymore. Things are changing, in the good way. I'm so can't wait what are the change that will happen in the next twelve months. Maybe about our self, about our body, abour about heart or even all of them at once?. Just hang on okay, the plot is just getting good now, we need to be alive and well to reach the best part. Also one more thing, did you learn French again?heh. That's all little girl. I hope you, the little girl in big girl body, all well. With gratitude and love, you from the past.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

(I'm writing a response but also a continuation for the future)
At the time I received your letter, I was taking a break from my studies and my work for...

Teh aoargtionnszi. The hent ,parli elrtte th51, to the i eobrfe of onw uoy to fo hte het ay?ko lte ot vhae hte mdiren n,itcueon ot yorslipeuv ot ica!nh eth 1h1t uoy was inonuect it 17ht 1,t3h dens orfm etnh em rpila,. Oysrt, nad rae ames sllti that onkw to ,ngthi tiwh ovled eht ew being sad at si htsi oelv ngisgltugr it utoba ot ruo i,mte bkac. Let ot asol i ubt hngsit ayell,t ende erxeineepc i snelnisoel og nyam i o,f had. 'lwduotn rincepdxeee lvbeeei ihgtns i amyn lsoa oyu. Aer iednnoctu teh hntgsi ot iswh of terhe enve dpnahepe i btu i neevr htwi ear hatt ro ihsw me het ntsghi htree to rfteuu ,furtue lltis suor,ce.
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Ubota eteodmnni thwa tath rgi,l oh tdugsiyn ear or r,glainne does but carzy deornw snmea fniedr uyo neco i a thta. Cabk ni tu,er si 2420 adoty ton but taht arpil. Igrudn tath ujts tasl hte yuo had agescnh ohw aynm disebcrse 21 nmtsoh. On hte 'euyov ksed,a dmaer in si ewnras eyrve mtslao eevyr in sonitque. Ihtw hutohg! ddi ac,ssl rf,sit eth ubt ym wsa unilt it iedrc sasp ldlife issutse balet i lmtsao doepdpr. Adn lmddie mnikga clsoho tbes fdinr,e gilnlac ubt aws dera tsop it ,r su rou. Lla sclsa we hte adn the smenastsign meksa adn strae eth eaneulyvlt assp psto ishinf. Agetr ootk for k,orw cllatayu noatnzlirigaoa urnt ,dnecso ngthis a. Ear is eht yssme rea fo you tqui ta akcb uyro untrercyl ouy fo auecbes to hte tiocx eth reenmntiovn peatrentdm rpitennsih edotpmro eth het ot gibgste uyo uumsem eth btu oigng all ,si nad eb onw hwo daeh rbloaaytor neht of. Sti nmay tdya,o dna ist nda ouy oglonhtmi het hte fo rae eth rea rfo gntsih whti 31 hgunitsl ?!ti egollec etam ryou for nad c'ant aysd es,stgnanism eeop!lp eelbvie. On oeuqs,nit enxt gstihn o,k f hwti emvo hte ot. Nreev tarneoh r,etpaaylpn eewr esh' h you ot fna a and erlayp ihm ,papenh tjsu. Idd fo ry,ae wthi tub eles eth lats eenosmo we allf ta den. Nk,nisdse mih how rauodn a tnoingh ihwt ogsntr slao a a a pnosre fsto ehtar, peoelp nda iwth oofnp-tsske redttae rroekw rdah tbu slou. He eelf you omesnhitg made. Eh eadm itosghmen me elfe. Lnfeige ,onnyltftauure ont teh is ubt luatmu. Ot eenv d'ditn ,utlyrneufotna pnais we or og adrleni rohf,ut. For adn tewic etdjecre itwce uedtnts hgecxena hte lapipde wsa. ,noael who ot met etarg wet'rne a keli gglgiuntrs uoy htsi etnwda uyo oenmrt eb uoy btu t,iem. Ehva uyo eebn eernv twih ogod dsnrife hitw oelcs bcaeme ppoele lsoa you. Ucnytor therano nnoag teh up, aemc ptortnuypio lainritaonetn eaymb stuj ot cnaaad ohguh,t vaeel we ytoda. Ahd to peadselr arstt gaian and oaunf,tlnutyre omfr mmo we ezor hfi,ft. Thiw ,otyad aefs adn tbu hleytha is su hse. She ceni eoglcel feil eosd godo ahd tes,t to psas a dnd'ti our a teh go and lately soal hsoocl tub sah sstrie. .
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In gto ,oga ebttre ,yaws encis yrea tsighn os aslo in yaws ngstih tog naym oesrw tbu a namy. Wtne edboyn really tnhsig tecitxpnoea. El,cnpi grnidwa in niaga elfl igaa,n idengar vole dattres thiw i kecipd pu dna hte aye,ltl. Nur agina emga evne aigna nad hte alpy. Pkci iths 'naveth i eht ro myna ot eayr ot igtnsh reya etmi echavei awnt htisn,g ot is pu teh ofrgto i eth od got vene. Femlys to omshtn cyalipeesl tiequ rof us fo dcebmere cisen saw nfid mhrac dhar ot ni,gaa the.
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Oevl, 0224 twih em guestglr dan enth 3202 lnoneselsi tcpnaeecc,a em nad. Amse eth em so tihw hingt 5022 i d'tnid ltresgug w,hsi. Atht no!w hwo eb yuo awy lenlyo tub fele i flee ti cepcta hsiw hpeo adn olved uyo oyu ndtdi' to eselap are het lyareda peke rea blogen eden teiqu i in yneroam and vedlo shti in ,2205 !pu veha i( yuo oyu. Nesssaei is yrou dna i ni elif shwi i retah ouy to ekrdni uyo dna omfocrt hwis. Ma wkgnior 'im it is lwl,e os tno nw,o utb dna oyu i tge ereht rhwee no i ahtt itghr oiermps. Sted,ayyre sutj hecadwt ueouybt evsoid ooskb i adn aerd lasreve. Bemreemr aucesbe 'vei gitshn aleervs esthe tnwa yuo i on nda laenedr mthe ioatrmtnp ot hwat aer ttrema eethr : are.
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Orf poen no'dt neev os l,vode ot dna tbu be we elvo ub(t eyatll sillt tno uyo inggett smese ovle sncie anym - ifsrt oenomse ovel pu igginv ot reeht ot aer eedn wtih eesl arhd stehor evol is eoelpp owh and slsuees it ohw rcae ,us ot )su.
Het - of igsn eefl sencbae ghtomisen adn orf osla heva pscae esanm else hrtu imght ,imnhosget a of nnisosleel it ew ubt the. Aboh?by enps?ro new nwe okswn a woh ofr.
Nerlateoc t'si indm tohes hiwle who dn"im atuclyla tteram nowt' owh notdwl'u tmatre obtau - o"hets adn. Troampitn tmeossiem woh etsomsemi midn rae i,yurqk hwne dd,o who aer ppoeel oyu ngaoiynn e(stho ot ,ettma)r ndot' yuo. Owh tternainlo rae uy,rkqi poelep ohw oyu tce ear imdn ehwn (osteh. Ni od'nt or nru ogln rmte,ta 'twno ) eayrll hte mttear.
Oosnitp - yuro repxloe. Veaetwhr is ti. Ro eo,lpep rpottuoiypn eevn etgrsya,t. One no tusj tndo' hting lnoy paelse, ixftea. Uyo oynl otnspdpiai it wlil. .
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Of roem me peuosirc yuo eawts item onwt' royu irpmose. Gogin oevr hatn rnesoo 'nodt eb ot heva is wonk much we mie,t lleogec we. -opupp eitm unrt i'ts ew,ll rfo to you onw ot eqisunost. .
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Trehe the ruyo is es,y uoy s,trif ohw i e?thra itrnace is ianp oyu onw ignefel rae in ehla nwesra if oehp a onos y?hneo w,lle. A to'nd rakbe eatk oy?ka fgetro to.
Wno no ot ouy si eolr teim your yb emtpdnae?tr het eht ahef/tsisnli vleel eetxdn ocsfu iozrginaaont adn ihifns i woh eht ew nda ouyr d,cnoes nnatliao uor odnt' tkhni in jprecot umst. Hwo btu swa ng,aai ti?.
Uyo swenar is ?uoshe in tihgr you nw,o on i oratmbfeloc own rem,tak ielv teh si hte lgivni eht fi sitll ma uehso s,ye hewer ehop eoeewmrsh esam rit,dh eht i in ear and.
You uoy rfa! tge swa how ni eirsth?nnpi os oye'vu gto erdenal woh si eerth, ro alolc? and idd woh f,rtuho lelt aabord si, hte em whta.
Ellt thffi, wno? em tboau !it tbauo hwo besiboh uroy.
Rou era ): omm i hwo si pohe htye essirt xihst, uro ogid?n htlyeah nda.
Do te,hnsev woh o?nw ro nyloel avhe oyu elef gt?ahnnyi do was teranrp oyu a ?it.
,getih (apts ietfsdsai eth tueu!)rf to,n naserw waht is to od kmae tbreet are you and yapph i dan fi olusdh nw?o it.
Ohw era kn? but, with hsit rvye wlo nchace whit ?mih a nt,nhi is ghnits.
T,aesl i odlsuh or the atsl tn,het etn?x yas, htasw' wsha't wn?o tno tub.
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Hwne ti i dt,oya ielf tmiesgnho ot ormf pots avnhgi eacspyliel eetaicnpotxs ot cseom nede toaub. Lal romf i ,so eth pcxeet btse oy,u od oyu hisw btu i nhtigon.
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Ggrwion ela,nhgi 0242 elov uelcyrtnr yuo ohw and lreang,ni wthi adn dttrgai,eu. .

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