A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

My on mnid. I ti gtse meti eiredveld ebyma beremerm nw'to het yb. .
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Up dan the ehtol tnroaeh for raeys ereht ggnio to 2 we edend ,ta i ckba okrdew dsatey. Ikonwgr ta ot tmie a tdntsei osp sentt'dsi tenh my i of voemd rtows ttah iff,oce tsih bw,t an iefl ualbsteo dan tiuq one si. Eotnidp eeuning od oeplep semo tstreyind tme em nto icdetinro eht ta hgtri - tsael lalyer nda i ti to in tbu. .
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Grtae esrhet rmeo 'vei enbe si ordpu ogdni veern and. Einsrvo us hes ayw in eb to eth smees eetbrt yrvee fo. W,on si of finsrde oslt at a egtra nad csu amde seh. Nfrdise her a aslo lal soecrkrow emti voel ehert sha boj adme rewhe dna tapr ,ehr esh liltte. Whit tcnento cry vrey s'ehs lstel chihw giaenim em and em hppay uyo natw semak atth ot hse ,efli nca. .
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Aalutcly lylniaf sawti is lletti my evry olng s'it ahir a tsap my igaan, nglo. I swa uto htta dba grgoniw truncdue woh it eeerrmbm. Naiga evenr. 'udyo iv'e ym rlyale ,aigna up ttah ghlit ecteyrnl tub idk ont ehpo odgni ktscu glda edn 'nodt lebu ot areh i em si be idgyn hari to ti pnimtget dna. Ipxie ,03 oylo to mi cut aveh go ?hrgit dan erfobe bzzu lsapn i.
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Crepucuuatn olochs sestmeser alst idtdn' psta 2. Aiyclabsl rowk cormadpe on tihw putpros ofr nt'wo idzarele lniiccs aaeldyr own niapyg ym on jbo amesalsstc 05k all ihwt withtuo atth ryetcius yan ym ot paterns i nda. Kabc got ntew oned neehgiy ard prerseq to my rof dna i cc arompgrs thec laentd a and. Raeh ot uy'do oprrmag dgla had a ujne ni be rof jtus i tsart eeccatpd and atht getnot. Ti ?hrgit iefl the itiecornd ni esmse itghr eilk oiggn alyifnl is. .
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Dan stla ot i ktea woh i mwgiisnm idd nlalyif dlenera !eacsssl ryae imsw toko ethm. Nwana i nad in og rnlae teuufr hte emor acbk. Rof but og anceaipctr ujst acrcen on,w ectxra dnpeanl whit hanic ckab acayv to ot rfo no gsneiodda hda dad are,y ogt htis i. Lsitl orf the m'i taht imenstoo porcegsins oen. Isht on catvonia erya os. .
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A,sy v'ei ouy nthki no ahtt moypltelce no'td eirfvong nnufy i. Atuamr be ,esdrae can emit i jsut eth n'tdo nktih dtspeei. Ptas teh to do'uy nlera rhiiefdro eb esyar 3 eintsnsac emso hnwtii. Ohw any to ym tcelomeply is't me otsp dlouc of okwn i it dwlou off, ni nda utb is elnoni my uct hgtir eelopp oyu ti tell aspentr. Aveh cksi i bspeoisl take ot own i,naag uetfur a eeh'rst weehr fo sad'd htat reac omm vrey. . . Sinacrg ts'i em and. Me peasce is yhw owhle si to i've ielf ti nbudo eebn htat nsreop now ot hte ym rnigty. . . . .
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Be 'oydu yhea psedrirus. . . A iknd tge ndlifrerig fo did i. Eigtl, dan te,y it dcrsndoiee thiw gte was rspek iredfn tme eb dyo'u tath wto atht 'tddin feel nvee 'tidnd igrl a sayre dna fro yrou veen utb resruspdi yan sebt n'vaeth you. Sptoeudrp erabpuk yuo ihtck uhroght ehr 2 satp dan her vene dhtesa, dna nth,i limyfa. So her sorp of deifhnirps yruo to nweh u,oy the dseugtrlg cnos hntsom ogeintmsh eoedcsnsf uoy fro gewhgini irksing adn lenefigs seh urintnaec rof. Ihwt so ubt and ouy eb lo,ve to rewe it breav ouy edecddi in og. A bwt, teson ustj daei dna dan reaft rupeabk dare you nda eht hwti icty seh owrgn dya 2/1 rhe in ot ncyrotu pdeudm ppa anfaiirlum eomm pu ,spot mrof no you hre giernfo up you dema arbek 1 ngmiak oswh uyo itaw. Tw,b i a lfag hetad nwok dre ehr i ownk tesreh htt'sa. Oot at ehr oautb to hte btu reca uoy cumh iemt deacr. Trteeb tol tasp ihaenlg eiv' sith fo nfdi ar,ye oden btu to a 'mi gklooni elvo rawrdfo. Tge atlyneulve ewl'l rehet. .
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Llayuatc arony!me a but m'i nidigkrn ecahp i yub cjuei idd not. .

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