A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym dnmi no. Itme it i mybae by beremrem egts the tw'on eddreleiv. .
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I enedd sryea rdokwe nda ew up oging to tlohe 2 tdyeas a,t ckba eth etehr for arnthoe. I s'tsindet edvmo altubeso that rwnkiog ethn hits tw,b nad ot na spo ifle ntisetd oen f,ceiof etim iuqt of my ta storw a si. Tseal ueegnin retinydst rncetiido the ta osem ti hrtgi do em to i mte in eppeol dna ont - dopntei alryle utb. .
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Ndogi rnvee been ehsert oupdr is oemr arteg e'vi nda. Eisorvn hse ayw betert be fo eht reevy su to seems in. And w,no ta she fo esdnfir a csu is rteag edma slot. Ojb rhe olas itme ahs nad hetre tapr r,he iednrfs a rwoksrceo ltetli eerwh lla eolv emda esh. Ciwhh shes' can fe,li thiw llest anwt ennctto hse msaek cyr yvre ouy ieinmag ot me em payph that dan. .
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Ngia,a ongl iteltl lgon ts'i afnyill ym sawti a ryev si ym aultcyal ptsa irah. Ti ebrrmeem i adb tuo woh asw undeutrc woiggrn ttah. Enrev agnai. Utb ihar dki eb ot ti ned tndo' npteitgm my dlga beul tcsuk i iyndg to haer iaagn, si yu'do ont ohep htat iodng lrlyae em pu rnetcley ghlti ve'i adn. Pslna i adn loyo irhg?t uzbz have ebrefo go 03, mi ot eixip tcu.
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Itddn' tasp eetsrssem 2 npruecuutac ochsol stla. Tiwh yan obj on dryaael ithotwu on lla ilincsc ym hiwt rzdileae rof wno ym iygnpa 50k toppsru sectaamlss i dapceorm nowt' sureyitc owrk lbcyaaisl htta tesnpra dna to. A eond wten yegnieh i sprgramo otg cbak dan ot nltdea ehct ard adn eerrqps my rof cc. Neju just trtas hera ladg ettngo ot mrgoapr ni a adh i nda cpeacted that be rof dyou'. Esems rgthi liek is ilylanf het oicdentir ?rthig eifl it iogng ni. .
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Ismw to nda tasl dnreael ddi koto i mteh how i winimsgm yera ss!salce lyialfn atke. Omre i the og cbak nawan in ralne rtuefu dan. Inahc hist ot for kbca ndalenp on,w adh iwth tbu ercaxt tgo ,raey tusj og rceanc ot dad i aendosdgi on ofr caraeitncp yaacv. Oen eontsmoi tsill i'm rfo hte crngsepsio that. Htis aoitvacn os on yrea. .
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Hntik ergionvf i'ev d'nto y,as ouy on taht i nufyn tlplemoecy. Aratmu anc tnd'o eitm i tujs be eth ,sredae hknit detispe. Alenr be ot ayres eth eosm iitnhw cnsesntia udyo' 3 stpa rdihfoeir. Tcu ni wuold it clduo sit' but tpso dna elnoin it llet i em any eleytpcmlo f,fo ot epploe fo my si igrht ym nwko yuo tsearnp who. Herwe i wno esplbsoi a eatk nia,ga iksc to aecr ds'da mmo fo 'tehser reufut avhe ttha eryv. . . Me ti's nad cirsnag. Ot eht yitgnr ti ifle eacesp howle si ebne udonb ym si hwy to em atth opnrse 'vei own. . . . .
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Be eyah udy'o edsrsripu. . . Of egrflnirid did i idkn a egt. It was ,elgit otw v'atneh uyo sierpdsur egt be ,yte efel vnee prkes yan htta rgil a neev htta 'tddni dan tnid'd odiecsrned uory ofr met but steb ihwt syrea ifndre dna u'ydo. Perdutspo vene 2 lfmiya dan ehr ekburap uyo nht,i hre thurgoh ,tsaehd adn stap tckhi. So rfo hes to fo nsoc descoesnf osrp stggudrle gemstniho nranctuie gnwighie wenh yrou hre u,yo refdhinspi dan hmsnot felngsie for nsikrig you teh. Ot cddeeid in twih og oyu ,olev btu so ebavr nad it eb uyo reew. 12/ pu day oiefngr up spto, no tiyc crntouy you umeddp oents ppa kbear wbt, you a to her emad reda afetr ouy 1 tsju ebkurap meom uyo nad dna eth tiwa swho mfor hre nad ni kainmg nlifrimuaa ihwt hes eaid gworn. Gfla ethser konw her i a dre b,tw atths' htade i oknw. At oot dearc mchu emti btu you caer eth utaob ot ehr. M'i farwrod oikgnlo nilgeah of tshi vloe tbteer dfni a otl 'eiv ubt spta ,raey nedo to. Avtynuleel el'lw trehe etg. .
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Uby kdigrinn a acalulty pchae juiec i ton rne!moay did im' but. .

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