A letter from Jan 01, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Happy New Year!!🎉🎉 Woah girl, u've survived another whole year, ****, you go gurl! I can't believe ur in 2024, lmao, i'm still stuck in 2023. Bro nvm 2023, im still jamming to my 2020 spotify wrapped- "Today is the birthday of one of the world’s greatest people." I'm putting that as my status for my 15th birthday, only 24 days from today. ****, ur turning 16, aaaaa ur so old. I wonder if you're still friends with everyone u were friends with today. Omds, GCSE's soon, good luck bestie. Nah inshallah you'll do amazingly, and no one's gonna stop you from doing your best, other than you. So try your best and inshallah you'll get those top marks and 9's you're aiming for. Don't give up now you've come so far. So basically you are sitting here writing this while Rayan is sitting reading this because he's a little brat. Also, I'm finishing writing this on the 7th of Jan, so technically 18 days left till I'm 15. Omdsss, i still can't believe i'm turning 15, can you? Ofc you can, you're turning 16 by the time you read this. Oh yeah, how was the trip to Bangladesh, did you end up going after all? Were the fupis on dad's side snakes to you? Istfg I'm so done with life, I honestly dont want to do this anymore everything I do is wrong, I can't do anything right, and they don't even try to see how much I'm suffering. They don't see how much I'm really trying and how much I'm struggling, they never do. I hope they've started treating you better, I hope they've started taking you and your mental health struggles seriously too. Honestly if you're even reading this I congratulate you very greatly because you survived another year. You didn't give into the voices in your head that tell you to just end it, every single ******* day. I'm so proud of you honestly. I wonder if you're still in that Harry Potter server, are you still married to Mystery? I doubt you are still married. Evan's aroace, i hope it's sunk in that you will never be with him either. You'll find someone who loves you the way you love him, if not more than just that. Trust me you will. I hope your friends are treating you well too. Are you close to Kanizah, Maryam, Alimah, Fardaus or Tabassum? Or are you still meh with them? How about Tayyiba and Maryam in ur form? Still awks with them? How's the trust issues and anxiety? Still having frequent panic attacks and mental breakdowns, or has it toned down a little? How about therapy, have you decided that you need it again, or are you still neglecting it and refusing to go? How about Sara Ali, you still close with her? It feels like you two are drifting apart, you don't talk as much as you used to, but then again, ur doing it with everyone you're friends with, talking less and less with them as time goes on. For the love of God, please don't do it again, please reach out when you need it love. Listen I may not have treated you well, I may have not fed you properly, I hurt you and I'm so ******* sorry, I couldn't help it and you know how bad the voices get, I'm honestly so ******* sorry. I hope you don't treat yourself the same anymore, I hope you've started caring about yourself again and treating yourself like you are worth something. I hope you are eating well and not missing out on several meals on a daily. sdfg, idk how to end these things so I'm just gonna awkwardly end this. Also sorry for taking 7 days to finish writing this. Love you. ~M