A letter from Dec 06, 2022

It's midnight alone with my thoughts while listening to takeoff and smoking cigarettes. I have a lot of questing which I never got answered to. at this moment am feeling numb I don't know what to think about or feel. "Magaranayo for igu danbeysay salaad an tukado ama ilahay aan baryo waxaan dareemaya cidlo iyo kalinimo. Ma aqaan wax iga qaldan bal caawa waxaan iskudayayaa in aan qalbigeega waxa kujiro ka hadlo sababto ah ma aan hesto qof aan manta laqayb san karo waxa aan dareemayo. Sucdi iyo Asho lama qaybsan karo sababto ah maifahmayaan wax walbo daco marwalbo aan isku dayo in aan dareenkeyga ka hadlo they make me feel i act on my feelings am really so tired of that ma u dulqadan karo bahdilka hoyo iyo abo ay nagu hayaan am really tired i dont know what to think or do at this moment. Aisho ma aqaan say ufikirto waan isku dayay in aan fahmo lkn waxaan arkay in ay tahay selfish nafteeda ma ogiye wax kala kama fikirto. wlhi ma aqaan aniga miya walaan ama gabdhahaan ila dashay ayaanan isku fikrad ahayn. Marmarka qaar wan kashalaya sucdi maxaan ugu shegay abortionkegi waxaan dareema alot of fear in ay i judge gareeneso saaid ayan ugashaleya inskasto aytahay qofka kaliye aan adunka ugu jeclahay but still my trust on her is decreasing everytime which is scary " Do you know what my worst fear is right now!!!!!!!!! To be a mother 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 waxaan kabaqaya sida hoyaday in aan noqdo ama ilma hayga ay helaan abo abahayga camal ah 😭😢😭😢 waxaan kabaqa in aan siin wayo jacylka ay istaahilan. waxaan isku dayay waxa qalbigeyga kujiro in aan qoro but maba garanayo xita wax qalbigeyga kujiro am so confused 😣😣😣😣😣😣😣. qof nooce ayaan ahay what am i good at am so fucking blank si dadka lola hadlo ma aqaan wax aan aqaano majirto maxaan subiya waan daalay. its past 1am 😪😪😪 ..... "i have seen this post on Instagram right now and i really felt it. it goes ...'When we look deeper, we find that sometimes we aren't really angry at them, but more angry at ourselves for allowing them to treat us this way', "