All is Well.

Dear FutureMe, I really do hope all is well. I hope when you wake up he is not the first thing you think about. I hope when you hear his hometown, or his name, or his least favorite song, or the last place you went together - I hope you feel nothing. And if you have to feel something, feel sorry. Most definitely not sorry for yourself, but him. He lost you. That is HIS loss. A loss that I firmly believe will effect him eventually. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be the next day. And it probably won't even be within the next couple months. But, one day he will reach out. He will apologize. He will say every last word that you have been begging him to say since July. And when he does? I hope you do nothing. I hope you do absolutely nothing. He doesn't even deserve a reaction out of you. But - knowing you - you will answer him. And I am okay with that. As long as you don't fall. I can promise you that he will say the words that you want to hear. But, they are not the words you NEED to hear. No words can fix what he has done to you. No words will ever be able to fix what he has done to you. So, I hope you don't give him the time of day and through that I hope you feel power. Power to walk away from him. For good. All was well before him and all will be well after him. If he has already reached out to you before this reaches you, I don't blame you if you gave him his reaction, a lengthy paragraph(s), called him, or even saw him in person. I know the kind of grip he has on you and I wish I didn't. I wish I could sit here and know for a fact that you didn't engage his behavior at all. But, I can't. There has always been something about him that I am just so drawn to. If there was a switch that I could flip, it would have already been flipped. If there was a pill to be taken, I would have swallowed it. If there was a drink, I would already have drank it. And the funny thing is - there are drinks. Several of them. He's probably had all the last of them, too. If this letter can get any message across to you or anyone, if they don't treat you exactly as you should be, there will ALWAYS be someone out there that treats you 10x the way they ever could. I didn't believe that at first. Or the second or maybe even third time I heard it. So, reread that a couple times. He uses the word "love" quite frequently. Yes, because he's manipulative and he knows exactly how much that word means to you. He knows that him saying "I love you" triggers something in your brain to make you think he actually loves you. No man, no woman, and no whatever would EVER treat you the way he has if they truly and genuinely loved you. It hurts that you haven't got to experience was "true love" feels like. You have had the sip from the bottle that tasted like it, but it wasn't it. And slowly - I think you are learning that. I am sorry that you have been through all of this and I am sorry that he let you go through this. You deserve way more and if that hasn't been made apparent to you yet, I am truly so sorry. Take care of yourself & I hope all is well.