Processing Life

Life just got a lot more complicated. In the stupidest way. And I guess this is how I'm going to process this. So. Yep. Past Drama: I fell in love with my best friend... Well I am in love with my best friend (I'll just say: Bestie). Bestie and I are both head over heels for one another. However, she briefly dated another girl (I'll call her... Ex) on our volleyball team in the begining of last year for about two months. So when Bestie was processing her feelings (more about her ********* than her crush) she gave Ex a letter. I'm not quite sure when this was, but sometime during the begining of this year. But Ex still had lingering feelings for Bestie. So this letter ment a LOT to Ex, because it was basically a confession of Bestie's feelings (Which it wasn't meant to be). Present Drama: So when Bestie told me I was her first priority and she really liked me I was OVER THE FREAKING MOON. Then, we realized how complicated we just made things for Ex. Obviously, Ex is very in love with Bestie and I'm in the crossfire. Or should I say, the-person-Ex-is-going-to-blame fire. I hate conflict I hate people who hate me I am a people pleaser And that is very, very bad For me Not them, obviously Now I don't know if I should feel guilty or madly in love. Crap. Dilemma: Our volleyball team has been playing very well and hurting Ex could mean hurting Also Ex is relatively popular among the other volleyball players/generally at school so she could literally ruin everything.(Not that I'm saying she will... I just don't know her that well and people can just be like that sometimes) So being in a not quite relationship with Bestie means hurting Ex and destroying any possible friendship I could have with Ex. Ranting Abt Bestie 🤗 Omg. Her laugh is the CUTEST thing. And those eyes... I could get lost in them forever. She loves dinosaurs and constantly makes me laugh. She's a little bit childish, but in a relatable way. We're both not very sentimental people, or at least I struggled to be when we pretended to be on a speed dating show after we more or less expressed our love for each other. Lol. Just being near her is always the highlight of my day. We always say hello in the halls and I'm always like "Hey Bestie!!" And she always says: "Hey ---!!" And she always sounds so happy! Constantly I feel like I just want to wrap my arms around her or even just hold her hand. She makes me so happy, I hope she feels the exact same. :) Ex and Bestie... Ex tries to be close to Bestie. Constantly. Bestie always is chill with it and treats Ex with a friendly amount of respect. But just standing off to the side and watching Ex do this is challenging. I'm trying an inexplicable amount to let Bestie tell Ex on her own time (that the letter wasn't actually a love confession) because I trust Bestie. But she's procrastinating telling Ex. And obviously because I overthink. Literally. Everything. It's occured to me that maybe Bestie likes Ex and doesn't even realize it... But I always have to remind myself of what Bestie said "You are my first priority, whatever happens." And those words seem sincere enough. Also the fact she wrote a whole speech to tell me she liked me. Lol Sometimes it's hard to remind myself of that. But I'd trust Bestie with my life. Sincerely, Me/You/Yourself P.S Am I in love?