Dear Ni,
you there? Didn't die? Impressive really.
Today I am struggling. I am struggling because I don't think I've ever felt so alone. Because my friends have best friends but I don't. Because I want to belong I want to be a part of something but I really don't think I can. I thought I had found my people but apparently I didn't. Because I am strating uni next month and I don't want to be a teacher nor study that subject. Because I find it really hard to see others being so happy and having so many friends and enjoying life and me just. just surviving.
i wanted to write to you because I don't believe you'll be any different. Because maybe you'll be dead. Because maybe you are better ?
I hope you aren't alone. It really sucks.
With Love,
Past Ni
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Dear Ni,
Yup, you're alive and I'm so proud of you for it :) This year was crazy hard but we managed and we coped and we made it! So...
Hiwuott stel' roem ifle humc ahs asirgwnen nda ouy fo teillng ni otaub oen ylon osnesquit gte hdpapene yea,dl yuor moes to ,eyra so,.
Ouy ytsf,ilr era oytad aslo ltirggguns. Eht aslt deyaevry uoy uestldgrg fo nad raey. Of aertx useabec rea ew sotngr shti os ehay,. Ntshig aha ot nnufy iwth see adn 'erwe atht eht gnisltgugr mesa ist'. Emos hitgns gseus gnehac vrnee. .
Fo tmsie neoyll yuo rae teh tno leef nloae mtso uyo ubt tilsl. Oury ton ubt trbnsdsfeie aer nesibrfdset yuo htier era uroy difebnestr. Oyu shtrobe atht tisll. Nhwe whit eht btu raveeydy maignza adnuro dan ktal mhte eahv unf uoy are yuo lsao thouhg ndo't fsirned htme ouy ouy stmo neve veha. Ohme hety birng uoy. Taht si ryhivenget taoub dna.
Eefl rtap larlye yuo osmitenhg of odtn' a sillt. But mtei esam ta the. . . Lahthe the vhae we lucb inefrfted oru ahev rtrersasnmof we so esam dna we aehv veha adn heav dfisern ew hreteat we nmeatl pgou nda onw adn anym. So olegnb nmtya aer and so to a fo you lapsec ratp ymna we nihgts. Ew hmeos hvae os many. Laeifbutu 'tis.
Ahah oyu up codesn vage eth no nui emrseste. Ot eehrtac fugerid we you be a nwta nad thta ylelar uot 'ddint. Tub cabk i exnt exitdce ts,rat pseru item os tshi nui artsst svnoreu adn am the wre'e eekw to. Golneb nhkit oto i i is wkor lacsio lyrela ostgimenh. Srfndei to ,raye tanw isht hiws gseitgb my it's amek laelry adn i. ,ni lwli be eary elfe i thsi it!! egtra can.
010 uyo mcilus,sa enfouwlrd dan we flte wetn fitsw nad dan ni ti, ecovsreddi tnaw uyo rgew yuo ngmiaaz ouy dha lrodneufw home our necal eew'r 2 ni uor tdol los a htsi mofr we to oyka reya idd memusr dan ivle rtesof uyo tugobh out uyo laso ohwle ni erohzi ot cdearhe wrdie we wten ot nda adn reiawgn achdree ptnes caeugor feni,dsr tsaheher tuoab ouy tub adsy hm,reto rrive tge rfo ni,u in oru etfl oryu whit fels ryea 2 rdweko auitstci dna ot oyu kwor swma to hucnb fduno ,doeasgidn aehwdct ynirtg to kdsi, pu fdoun tou we tath ga,nia slse dan nwo sayd ogt at rae a emarnyg oyu tseb liucam,s uyo fo whit tdreas uoy delvo do ievg harm, a pu pleoep in elph olae,n ew stirf ames oy,oondunl denrbi e,pedyl slot tse,mi nad inhgt rvey a uoy swsho nda peepo,l rmcaoib tiwh oyu neldsiet tsrdtae a ew eht uoy laxeasus hwit mpaicgn we eht ogt n,moye him eht ahd 3 ew ylarto otu twen. Am os i drpuo.
.
Elvo i uhmc os ni uoy. Fro orf shti iigngv pu ry,ae yuo gyntri uiivgr,svn atnkh orf tno dan orf. Sthi od we can. .
.
Eovl and frvoeer slaywa u,yo. You rae emoh.
~.
Vol´e, with.
Ni.
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