Dear Ni,
you there? Didn't die? Impressive really.
Today I am struggling. I am struggling because I don't think I've ever felt so alone. Because my friends have best friends but I don't. Because I want to belong I want to be a part of something but I really don't think I can. I thought I had found my people but apparently I didn't. Because I am strating uni next month and I don't want to be a teacher nor study that subject. Because I find it really hard to see others being so happy and having so many friends and enjoying life and me just. just surviving.
i wanted to write to you because I don't believe you'll be any different. Because maybe you'll be dead. Because maybe you are better ?
I hope you aren't alone. It really sucks.
With Love,
Past Ni
Epilogue
about 22 hours later
Dear Ni,
Yup, you're alive and I'm so proud of you for it :) This year was crazy hard but we managed and we coped and we made it! So...
Hsa uobta chum ni feil you omer dan a,dely gte loyn to soem ryou peadnehp uwihott ginltle of oen os, slt'e igresannw yaer, tsnuqoeis.
Fri,lyts you tyaod iutsrgggnl olas ear. Ouy ruegsdlgt teh fo satl yaer dyvyerea dan. Cebeaus we yha,e aer so fo this earxt sngrot. Het haa shtgin it's saem hiwt ynunf ees er'ew gnrlgitgus and ahtt ot. Suges shgnti hcngea rveen meos. .
Rea still noelly of ouy utb fele aleon hte eimst otsm yuo ont. Irhte but otn uroy ftbneredssi era ryuo are seinrdebft debnfistrse oyu. Sillt tath yuo sbtohre. Temh and gnaamzi eevn osal kalt unf htiw othhug n'tod ouy aveh but are yuo dyeyaver hetm mots veah you edrisfn teh hewn undaor oyu. Htey uoy gbrin ehmo. Rethyginev utabo adn si taht.
Sghitmoen ealylr td'on fo tslli uoy a flee patr. The ta ubt seam imet. . . Nad aymn aevh haev eheartt edfifenrt vahe we aevh the ehav ehltah rsrenmrfatso we ew ew riedsfn own uro lentma ugpo we nda bulc os emas nad nad. We mtnay hsting fo so saepcl ot part geonlb nmya a are nad os you. Myna eosmh so ew aehv. S'it itlauufeb.
Etesrmes agev no nui up hte soedcn uyo haha. Earhtce ew out to a that oyu girfued and alrely n'tdid tawn be. But teh am nda ts,tar cxitede rvsenou erpsu stasrt weke so nui i xtne rwee' ot ckab ietm isth. Ghstinoem si olgben nithk i i oot aloisc alerly wrok. Shwi dan amek its' eidfsnr isth lrealy ery,a i gegibst nawt ym to. Feel i yera hits eb liwl acn n,i !!it geart.
Wisft uatbo uthobg nda ot in twan gazmian otg tdsaret yrae eht ruoy nda ew wmsa oyu adn rgaouce 3 ildsntee oyu otu to nda thwi ni mhi tuo ot tols uyo thwi etnw tdlo ldye,pe uoy yrmngea yuo,lnonod credhea evil dah uaisttci rgwe ew vgei we ereadhc up otu tihs a tsnpe are oyu polpee uyo rou slfe soddevecri you ni maes aiga,n utb od 2 you in 010 tlfe aecln rbedni ogt lroaty scmsialu, hwti dna inerawg we oflrnwedu hemo pu dekowr daethwc ew mah,r aaelussx we a doelv ryae to nda yuo etsb fo ni sshwo mhetro, uor adsy uyo a sles a we thta had ampgnci fdnuo virer to ocramib eis,tm rw'ee n,ui hoizer ofr dna hte yads srtfeo etg a to umersm plpe,eo uhcbn uondf sola ,noale idd newt mls,iacu nda eth edriw nia,edgdos 2 wno nad yuo lehp ,it uyo tiwh dsater firts oyu yerv ntrygi ,ksid trhhesea fomr oey,mn lfte and ykao olnurdfwe rnifs,ed ew ohewl ta lso ouy netw nthig rou owkr. I udrop so ma.
.
Yuo leov i cmuh os ni. Ofr nirgvs,iuv orf stih pu ignvgi gyitnr for orf ,eayr nad tahkn yuo ont. Od we can thsi. .
.
Love aayslw yu,o dan eferorv. Are mohe uyo.
~.
Iwht o,e´lv.
In.
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