A letter from Sep 05, 2022

Peaceful right?

OG LETTER: Dear FutureMe, I'm currently a 16 year old mess I have no idea what I want to do in life I have no idea who I want to be in life I've never dated. I've never had my first kiss. I've never had a job. I feel like I've never done anything. How have I lived 16 years on this planet and done nothing. I've watched every episode of Supernatural, I've tried all the iced coffee in Tesco but I've never REALLY lived. I want to live not just exist. I feel so lacking in everything. I love reading, I love writing, I love to delve into these fictional worlds but I feel like I'm missing so much in the real world. I hope you, future me, are living and feeling better than me. I love you no matter what. ----------------- Dear FutureMe, wow I forgot about this I cant believe its been a year update time!! so I'm still a mess, just a 17 yo one now - but i think I'm a better mess :)) I feel a bit happier with myself and my world now. It's kind of the opposite now, I have so many ideas of what I want to do with my life, its hard to narrow them down. I'm doing a gap year next year, I can't wait. I think working will be tough but I'm excited to leave work at work and come home and not have to worry about homework and things like that. A Levels are brewing ahhhh but I AM GOING TO WORK HARD (manifesting haha) because I deserve to do well. Still never dated. Still never been kissed. I am scared I'm missing out. At the same time, I'm working on loving myself, adding someone else into the equation might upset the balance at the moment. Jobs: haha still never had one, too much volunteering so random but it rained so hard and there was so much lightning last night - I liked that Awwww Supernatural, those were the days. I've got a more healthy relationship with it, and TV, these days - not much more heathy but a little bit, I just started Doctor Who!!! Iced coffee is still my drug of choice, I'm sure it will be in 5 years as well. It's cheesy but I think you forget you're already living - every second, every breath you ARE living - just try and enjoy it a bit more, put a bit less pressure on it. what I'm learning is the real and the fictional worlds can exist at the same time, I don't have to put my all into one - it's about balance and that's ok. Working out that TV and books is what makes me happy doesn't mean you have to abandon real life. I am doing better, sometimes it doesn't feel like it but then I look back at my 2020 and 2021 self and I realise how far I've come. I'm going into my final year of compulsory education tomorrow, crazy times. and then the fun/work begins :))) I still love you, you idiot, love yourself a bit more <3 ------ New Questions (5/9/22) how was the gap year???? i know working was probs hard and stress BUT think of all that money and experience. did you book/go on that dream trip to crema? I know it seems super expensive - maybe just maybe talk to mum about financing it a bit - your dream of cycling round the Italian countryside deserves to come to fruition HOW'S THE SAVINGS ACCOUNT!!! you are working so hard on it right now - actually keeping up w/ your goal - its at £228 right now - pretty cool :) How did A Levels go? i really wouldn't ask but i think you will do well - i know I always say I don't believe in myself but i think i am actually pretty smart hehe OMG OMG OMG WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO UNI!!!! HOW WAS THIS NOT MY FIRST QUESTION? DID YOU MIRACULOUSLY GET INTO OXFORD LOL, OR SHEFFIELD, YOU LOVE SHEFFIELD, MAYBE EDINBURG, THEY DO A SUPER GOOD YEAR ABROAD SCHEME, awww whatever/whevever you go, make the most of it. love life... do i dare ask... finally get that first kiss yet??? if not that's ok, we're working on it :))) what tv are you watching right now? so many shows so little time lol. oooh how are the new marvel movies - last one that came out was love and thunder (mid) and ms marvel (amazing!!!) you still addicted to iced coffee lol please tell me your keeping in touch with louise and heather - you need them, they are really good friends ohhhh and Kassie and Charles!!! please tell me you kept in touch! I'm seeing them next week, we're watching The Sandman together and maybe the dofe lot - they are lovely - perhaps a yearly ice skating thing? i hope you still read a lot - it is super cool - hopefully you've had more time because you're not at school OMG DID YOU WATCH ALL THE MOVIES ON THE MOVIE POSTER IN YOUR ROOM - YOU AND DAD ARE SO EXCITED TO START IT! did you get that funky samsung flip phone? is covid totally gone by then? its not really a thing anymore but it still feels weird to think about. i still cant get over how i lost 2 years to sadness, how i could have been enjoying my family time, and exploring new things. i don't like to dwell on the past but i will be eternally sad for all the pain emma caused me - i am so glad i got out of that friendship have you and mum and dad and sister finished watching big bang theory yet - you're on season 4 right now! YOU BETTER STILL DO FAMILY MOVIE NIGHT! THOSE ARE YOUR FAVOURITE PART OF THE WEEK, NOT THAT YOU WOULD EVER ADMIT THAT i hesitate to ask but are you still friends with Annabelle, she's changed so much... it's just more awkward now... i don't think we'll ever be proper freidns again, that makes me sad ollie... just no. i hope iris is doing better - she deserves to be happy did you paint the walls of your room green? that was the dream! how hard was winter 2022 financially? mum and dad are looking nervous, talking about shutting off the heating to save money talking of that, is the war in ukraine over? is russia giving us gas again? i hope you're enjoying life just a bit more, baby steps, think of how far you have come since 2020 i love you idiot :))))))

Epilogue

1 day later

2024 RESPONSE:
BRO so much has changed this is wild, like genuinly crazy.
my whole world is like constantly shifting, this time next week im driving up to *** for...

Evi' **** teienr olyh ikle gohrtuh ncaehg, eht ilwl allyirstcda uin erve hngcae my been feli sjut ggsetbi rbpbylao. Nig,urnt ainsen eth plto cayrz rccuo ahtt utanom ot of ekesp dan on iwstts rdwlo em uhcm jsut the tis who. Seitosnuq eilk i efel ok ot hsuodl rspdone ewf i a.
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Egts im uoy o,vle yoeulfrs it ilfe oughrht me osno sa i lod dxeent yiesrm os rhwot ggnoi lrealy it lrgi uyo 61 yrsflit, ym hloew nda lse,f syo,rr yuor stju ym ot yuo yaer ti stpo eahpnp ot trust ni sa lla asrtts aowlwngli ntio erwe ette,br actf ni. Ou,y tjsu oudlw dna waay si nese ustrt yedsh rsaidlee oyu em egibn nhat yernvoee as to lcoore i as nadrou mi i heav fomr uyo pdusit eels siyll nkiht oulocn wya oyu dan sa sa eafr sratt as oons htat heva of reipecensxe dna nepo pu rof. 61 and si moer hwti pltayripuo at rwgo slao tusj ouy mohnolra trpaoitnm lstli opeepl and dssseebo aa(k eth selcicr rae oryu bbulbe tir,aytum uoy eth wrhee odes het ynit aler eomr not dna flei er,yhcihar ecsmo very lieeras rsnhzoio thsi exadpn cakb )olhcos hhig up dan htiw emit elfcert.
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My to uimlsroajn ehlwo hsit xent lil't tdihcews ot(n lto ttah nad w/ **** casliscs nmincaocmiuto yshoirt yuo inrgteetgr mi lla wkon sa be ngnalie aangi ryea my laos tbu - iv'e to hilgyh madie ritsatng i eettrl a tuo my teim hecang dsorawt haah) a and im mi ruse heicoc bti grfuei in eedgre and thmgi rneve.
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Nto pytrte niggo nid,tga slitl wr'ee eahy nebhdi ,skinsig rbo - eli bsyo to. Nda oyu try whne a ygnnslsriuiup odes yahe eyiks orop rettyp dtea bneig sa bjo wrgo ad's hidlc a up ot so. Itghn is osekj a srsyiuole uoy wild odhls srroy ti ngakmi kcba how ti tub is veen adb uhmc tslil i ow,n nkwo. Aesltb btu iaafdr the typahre mi 2520 veha htat a i ro lol eudtpa swhi htta htmgi wens i ydeobn nda toeasinhirpl to dah hyapp ueyor' nad dwroek ebttre be in a. Rodup rounad ot ognl ryrigcan way did ouy thta uyo nbee os o,yu treecs of lelt perus mi orf mmu <3 uabto eh did too wath 'eovuy.
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Wohctabkr mi buys urse i ebtret to eaurrunlspat a in uo'eyv ,onw oerm mhcu ilstl oyu im t,i si't enve stlli flei teh ok a 1f !k!!o tpnilroesahi uyor sa hwti ubt gothhu moer lilw yhapp lutmbr get dna evlo erom aphsse fo thtsa ou'rye espahs dna rfo eilecnufn ssepodpu eb neargtee crigyn btaou i ym a iessnarbgem got idiminhs kwon astp ym ym ry'eteh toni revy neosr,a.
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Giogn tihs ot eivlebe eury'o nto giriel ko. . . . Of'sfece lla ebbas owkr ouy rmf,o eirdt yuo ctkos the ta teh alpec atth otces e'ouyv ehmt eliltarly ehya no slseevh. . . . Aahh tlop ittws. Thta 'evi tirfs deeorndcsi toon 91 me eb rlaet) l!teert! notenmi eht (oh get we o ,ear sshevle a ntlehoys aehy eehr adh os tub ahwt evre obj y igndo tesco ton'd ovlde rczay to tbu ludwo ta tgsonkci in ew ucmh rc,y id' 61 i ym ttah mi ta veah otuba sa dog cteos itnkh e'lwl.
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Erdiw rnadige oyu evne ,strientes sa sttru lidgonh wtrgiin iagirnaym uyro tihkn adn me tmae 'renat swldor yuo umch bkac oury sa. Svsiieten and adn was swa ti i mgus a nad dikn so cumh ta ahtt 71 and 18 htsee naebwoeglkdle dan dan istgnh psat ddo you idrwe hn,gti dessmau uyo fnuny sit it leoepp em oetviem dab made nad all and ni avule t,'nsaw dna wichh.
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Was btrete ni ikhtn na eepk nwo rflesoyu etnaeeg uyo you were uto earl rehte ordlw tyealir ta yuo nsgiims rof asmtlo thseo ,uto oruy wehre ega onw ahtt exrncepeies out n,o asw strut ahwt ibt hl,thae seidsm m,e 'uyore can a i dik ta 61 ntlame asfre anvigh ti.
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Btrtee "i feuurt phoe lvngii em rae ,me ntha ou,y dan eefngil.
Olev i no eamttr uoy what. " a thaw uteic. R'wee dgnio byudd utsrt em ko.
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Wlle twih tup gdoo edhri elfe ypppo hnwe y aftc rnktheia wko,r ewer ehtos oche o nda uoy eelslv ryou oden em uaobt uyo rwee ehs bvgiin fo jtsu a ryuo rpseu uignhps ni esxam tseoc nwke nsrdteoae in gilr fro ropud 17 tesmi gdoo tahw o,seynthl uoy 18 i lal rho,tguh i such so tffroe ruoy y yuo uyo drha klei sysa o aadeh zngamia ad,tes ni gienb erwe oooolholoooe.
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Eseetmrbp it !wo!n mi odmnra nad nr,ia ekild wsa "tath rehet igpeixcnnree os i ----- - hadr utb eayh hcum irhtg htnnlggii so ti s"o htgni eindra lsta.
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At me nui notgr,s if ti eceoff istll iedc htta ilrg eafc memi i uhohgt nda irp anc dfofra a ton ulce tltea going ayhe.
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Hwo hntcrese amen llllolll just eayr i odl ithnk tnmeal hetlha to i tndo psop in mi( 18 ryrso - sti me is) okej ariefgl cakb het our shse nnfuy.
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Teg eden out mohtsn tthas ot hlep in hewn adn swa rofetf looc teh i hepl ndtdi gifdnni teh em thing my uaerfsc ardh ojb ofspareinslo 3 ot rsfti hunt peathyr semo aoaflt oclo to wsa elevl you ti ehay eu'ryo oto niu lal ggoin so a utp tub ta dfeilnyeta dogo ucmh ti kpet wenh.
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Rhtgohu wonk ew umm ooyoonhwo,oao peke ot it hatt lbha gtilakn dotn i ont bhal fro bhal dniog th,is btaou teh be smsee lelw went i tnikh ot ot ityrgn ahye boj os edon adn lyedara.
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Ho trlehoatc oyb hteres a twhi omsn,e oh boy os eorv tginflri ok ehre otl oh ot npkacu ybo ddyub dogo. Motmen olpt reh othse bot"au tksitko dlwtuon sittw em 0232" htis eth you is of 0224 ientgll ees eht taht eelvbei me liek is when. Wloud rlaitlyle lrgi rsoyt noantc who hist rtaec i fmtaho oyu ot yrros. Lkins htis ot dorcto lsao yoll who.
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Aeyh i adn syiek w,hat awansyy did oyu was so so tem, isflehs it uryoe' edwir hse so neev ekwn ?te?o?t?e??rh???g hohtug it lkie letsp yteh mgo nda erh dsghea,g eb just him albyaicsl htye odtl dliek udlow hse cna ltle heya ouy. Ye???s?a ttha aoitcsn ttah ilbylasca neevr ro radh btu otsr essh saw i rhe tath acebesu royu syee godaposlei so by oodg dtol swa oitn oyu sa esh emro nad ifshels tno sh'es seh ftca ylarel eh dton opndee ot aynways ti sa and erh a of eshs' dnoe nrowg nwnaa esse tmnae og ti redinf cuaebes het. . . . Yrdea etg for tsih. . . Esh em ehrto hse jeok iiuastton het sha meos not ehwn owh fb botau a a swdcere egt pu i ndtid hewol u,yg sjut umch nad ihm ti o?n???w tusj loly mdae. Etsdtra lelves em fo me pu, pu ikle uesrlosyi mnae gnmksio msdees i it i msdees. Nkow **** to espphna im natw yunerog you leyarl me ddint ((:(( soryr i me emkso.
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Tbu duflqaiie cyklu a poersn aehy d,hra bjo tlnhyose ogdo hyw w'atsn me gitgent odutnwl yteh mi tgo taht a i aslo twan yiallertl. Eth (aak tseeme isth nlcfeiune ego ugy ym esye n)giaa fo amc sopo si ihst sfel my ni ysiouelsr and me esart ym vrpeoim on hdpele.
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Wlil liwl tol ak(a era onvmig me matne ilwl ot eth rltath,aoc drifnse tpaicm autlyacl dna on emnta ahtt eyvr the stay oens pnsirfh,sdei ,ruth tustr ioe,slu your te)c soen niu to ****** the titell ouyr evah to itrdf. Yruo ol'lyu lo'uyl up a new golna hli)em bnaeeall ned bga/cyreru ni lscroe eenv adn het firensd lopepe gettngi ka(rm iwht pu a yaw few tnwo aak ntosa tlo oals still cipk nad mjiym.
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Ntod tuo your erly naf eht serhet ea,emetntrnint oemr dwlor hte ssel a yuo tnfiifnoca liwl tpra ouy fo rfo eht lheyaht liwl no alyaws go gbi oyrwr ielf but uyo eb a sure mi reteh ecnlabe.
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Ot ta dnweor tjus fo ojb i nwe xsam kdi do onw sihtgn cm,a tlsa to onese'yrve tsi psreu hyea ubt 'ueoyr ltli' him itrhg ihs off ushc tirefdefn who ish dy,ato day ruopd ldaso ohw awwwww eb eth ssingim rkow tis tub d,o ta zyarc me. Obj aveltr iedrnsf bmgerci,ad ot rndseif doofr,x oclse nema at ouy eidnfsr nda to ultad i giartnst nnaoagdnib fstri fof het dienrfs aveh dowlr rtmer,teien ihetr dfrisen. Yaser a wlle' ldiw time thkin all to kdi reehw eb its in.
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Em rsea adnruo like up si ni ntkhi learny hte sha piaerd,t em, ot otg tsal i kncgipi meor hppdeaen ugsy, tsple htta ni mumasyr frmo nvdeir evi dnerif,s sugy up ni my ta 2 i ttniedeser rsssseysssa ithw eth feli yaaw 3 emoh whti haev mdes,ok is my adcnde ,tol rttsu weske deno ebanet teh nhta adme me a f,of nfedris pub, lyfalni e,wed. Iwll meit ill' ta i nui owh 'im hiwt seru "kwon ta tbu mnmoet tdobu gniglhua ytivhegnre im eb herwe eth mi yera hes cahegn rof lsymef notd isht xetn gigno tleitl dose tenncto ho". Itolarasei)n i knamgi vole ot atths ouy a ycr hvea for em at hat(nk nad lrowd adn polepe htta woh my sjtu me amc rtkiahne ta rtnfgepiis. Hpolfyeul tbu teh is ot ): ogign lesepa rtbtee htat hegnac lal dna ofr rcsya tis.
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Hhahh ot fgootr ahd i dda **** emro ho.
1. Sa rsupe ,doog etnx ianghv olvlye ksolo ni adhr onyme swa tno dan shlynote aesry pga yo(rrs tis et)bd ohsw ot yrea ti si sa poypp. Uroy adn a wger nad umhc ftefro so veol uyo degbyoo atetelor ouy to dwearr yuo cerid vene eth uyo atht slse rwok moer ogthhu a olepep olt uyo tihw athde ehtn tol ewhn for sadi ojb ti ta oyu dene ri,tsf.
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2. Thtas iemt nto dgo pedhenpa uesdsf wrdie vener ermac hatt won pnoe a oag.
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3. Iun i - 00,£100 sevda heva pu canout irlg fro nivsasg.
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4. Veor a esevll htsi llew bene ddi.
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5. Satth atth me )ok utb yrt tereh is rgeat ealrly aet orb amne tno igong rewhe n,wo up i but oym,ne rlgi tis lalulryuct heav enrdfis semlfy rdmine erliatlyl cup rlyeal oyu csuk to rvsnueo adn but ti yuod' hucm ti oyu it konw i course getar tsi in to go a ni etyeneosv owrry csea ttusr oyu sleyfm i ro by doog eth fo utb ont tfac go ofgtor ofxodr hdate a nto laos ot uoyr sti asitdole oxnidg ivsti os ouy im i ahhahah cualtyal yrev gbeni dnftireef dtno funny im tihw tath eawhryen hnkit (im atbuo ldilebu kas sti nad tyci to iemt lwduo rteow eath oienln mi ******* desitl nad nebe eudd i.
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6. Fstri htus pu isks no( )eyt.
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7. Leltialry nui eipprngp os acitts ueyro as hsswo terhs'e vt kile rlig yrou irted rfo vt abirn. Ntcihwga laksaa mi iivlassruvt in oen seom. Ot watn kema nabir vahe and nrocsa uffts ddae i o,dg ot teh omes utb yllleaitr i on yoadt i nsroepd eieryrnvgt idk uyo, im os ures hrtoe. Srryo to to si rbaek rmleva yuo wen **** it sloa.
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8. Os rof eyddgo ltils esom utb lyjle odd ryuo demldi of camepd fo mesi eat banr eht ouy in sort tnew eehtrha ggnoi dan adn dftdier meos suielo to eisuol ogrtns naegv kvoad rtpay heya sdhenpiifsr hwneero s,rue.
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9. Ropo itmicv lengife ogt nhet esplt tath so saepk hte it oh ton no and ouy, was dogwaifhnros rtio ot ybo uyg atth seh asiske aotcehtrl you - enrhota wthi ont aoynmre het deormog ldkie adme esdont uore'y. Uqeen lrteet fnuyn a hatt saw shcu sith dnamsan nad rstdaeep etda semna saol oll gdiny hte.
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10. On we taht jstu but seolc htiw athst egibn hicll retan dfeo edrwi ot lyauctal ist.
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11. A to of im ibnegngi nigdrae rvey oreteg,th eht enecatns so stuj so het at mi ubsy nwo girnst arey lceityav aenthrco kyucl.
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21. Atwch wyorr nthgi sit hrad elfl uoy to ot eyha ahtt rtpaa imprsoe rthneao nodt kid sfuft omtimc ehtm no jtsu intdd nda.
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31. For gienpek knntghii, opsp apyph odl uoy amc ieldlbu heonp oephn e'ruoy are t)aydo fi wtah lifp yclcvtelieol we nvee( siri tjsu dab mgsnsua on ryuo nda oyu it.
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14. Eht nwe ti ntow ourdeurm ibg oge,n neo codvi eoopxynkm haye be tis is tub. Oot btu im rveo very ,it mema ehya orev im hcum das oot. Hoylestn ogtta emti otagt its irrciohf ongvmi a peek peke tbu ldwi and ubys.
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51. Hfdsiien nfiedish my ryea so pga eebn idnfiseh aymn icn,e abng morf a odog fsdreni wshso httas yterho tsi igb gghhlithi.
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61. Utms of the dgo uchm ewek veah mvoie oyu het tno tebs oeylln si iyamlf nhgit thiw eneb fnrsied tbi on rvey. Oyur leiegfsn ncta the rnsspregei ecyabes of napi ayeh tujs ourey' sad eon you uro g,ntoiht eyehr't tlsa rabe totrheeg intarpg i is nithk feel to.
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71. Nda ienan,s rea rwee' estim eebn and donebd rlcseo gtourhh ltarlie sesetbi em 306 rvee bro ew rou trhogeet own vhea lwdi and nath obth vfereor rae eaablenl esmo eivsl.
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18. Oleil. . . . Amne isht on esdo enve slilt hawt bro yeha.
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19. Ubt eb lsaet nto hapse seh etrnairesosv nath if oskwn sesh heelfrs sse'h iesd atmohwse b(scia have siri gownrki 'hses etrengea rfo - otu sti tsayng utrts upespsdo iewth yahe a tub ehr my pahepir loas oem i and ehav ot at i l)gri sehs ikd hte ogen greufid enetirvghy eahv krda erh arkd ot.
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02. I wsa we wtf gnihktin swall neegr.
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21. I not efin lchinigl eyur'o tpso to ear i enam egt ogt em gril ncsaefin your ehya eevw' sit kdi sola rworiyng letossipirinby tiehr yraliltle s,useg e'rwe gnhoeu so uni ot.
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22. Iltsl inggo wra. Niogg wylaas see/hrmwoe r'asw.
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32. Too ayksnr eenkdrakc vleo i od em im oyu llo usjt nda yhea.

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