A letter from Aug 26, 2022

Dear FutureMe, This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I've never known heartbreak like this... Erin fell out of love with me... I can't stop crying thinking about her, but today I feel more like a person. Wednesday, August 24, 2022, was one of the worst days of my life... She said we weren't compatible as partners and she had been thinking about breaking up with me for a week... while the same day she was making future plans with me. One month ago we were happy as can be in Vegas talking about marriage and now... She doesn't love me in the way I love her. She was speaking in the past tense while I was trying to compromise and fight for us. I told her I'd never meet someone like her and she said I would find someone who loved me. She said we could continue to try for a couple more months if it meant we could be friends again and I told her while sobbing that I don't want to be in a fake relationship just so we could be friends while I see her as my lover and she sees me as a friend. I don't know how to be friends with someone who I imagined my whole future around because I thought she was the one. I still don't understand how she's not the one. She loved me so much once upon a time. What made her change? Who could ever love me like that? How can she go back to being best friends and be intimate emotionally when I have bared my soul and most private and shameful thoughts that I believed made me unlovable... Why does she only want to be intimate with me as friends and not anything more like she used to? How could she have written me such beautiful love poems and messages and letters about how she only wanted to be with me and everything felt right? How could her only response be "Sorry" when I told her I'm confused about where this is coming from because she was talking about marriage with me and moving and wedding rings and houses and careers less than a month before she told me she only sees me as a friend??? I move back in with her on Sunday along with our other roommates. I'm so genuinely heartbroken but I can't bring myself to hate her or hold any anger towards her. I'm just so agonized she doesn't love me back and told me we're going to be okay and she loves me, but I guess she meant it as a friend while I meant it as a lover. I would give anything to have her back to loving me like she once did before she fell out of love with me. I was so incredibly lucky to have her. I have no clue how I'll be able to be friends with her after this. I want her in my life and even if that means seeing other people make her happy like I used to.