A letter from Jul 29, 2022

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Happy birthday to you!!!Although it was yesterday(if it got sent on the 29th). You are loved. You are cared for and you deserve the best. You are not perfect but you want to be better. And I write this, I'm a bit teary. I don't know why. I can't say but I hope whatever it is I feel now, it's not the same. Right now, I'm struggling to study for pl 300 and well hoping I finish my pending course. I hope everything is waaay better next year. I hope wherever you are, you choose yourself first. Be greedy but also selfless. Don't let your choices be the reason another person suffer. Work hard. Be happy please. I hope you still journal. It's the one thing that brings you out of these sad moods. I also hope you are with your person. The one person that you fall head over heels in love with. You are dating someone now and well,treading waters. I don't know if you will be with him next year or how it works out. I just hope whatever happens is good for you. Do you have a job? Do you feel insufficient? Is the country better? Do you still struggle with imposter syndrome? Is life better or it can be better? Right now, I'm scared. Real scared. It's not the looming threat throwing Abuja into dark days that has me waking up by 3-4am. It is the fear of what is waiting for me. I read spoilers to know what's happening in the future but with life? I can't look for a spoilers like with movies. You have to watch whatever happens play out in real time. Prayer calms me down but never fully make the fear go away. I just hope I can face this life thing head's own and come out with my head above water As you read this, I want you to smile. Go out and laugh. Make new things and memories. Start whatever you plan on doing. I know it's scary but just start. Splurge on yourself. Go and challenge the world. There's nothing you can't do. I hope Sophia is till alive tho. You were scared when you got gifted your first pet...a cat. Now, she would be a year old. Hope you trained her good and she's one happy cat. I hope your still friends with the person who gave her to you. Go text him something humorous about it. Maryam baby will be almost a year old too. I hope you spoiled him real good. I need to get back to studying and distract myself from this depressing emotion. In sha Allah it gets better.

Epilogue

5 months later

Yes you are still scared. I guess it is a constant in our life. The fear you explore through the early 20s. The fear of not knowing what the future...

Hodls. Jarulno sitll yse you. Yuo ni teh now onrulja era trhid. A a itb ilke ni eht utb sifrt ruoocl oobk pink lgtheir. To ghutoht nhagticm uoyr yuo gothu out kpi uopr a pne iednk wirores dan. Uoy elvo oyu fnid neoseom idd. . Nwo btu ti reay be is a nebe wlle ti as onn itetexsn mihtg. Gnomiv on are oyu os. A nto si feaurli it. A is insg tpseoiiv ti. Ngaai esanm who oyu ot it leov nkow. Uoy vloe alibiyt eth ot aehv. Aws ago velo yoru you epprtad ni rayse og tno of peosnr oen woh tle. Oyu yuo nda ag,rinc ewn k,din s,lntedei rpieusptov he swa esw,te clmaed he e,sdtndurnngai srenop tshi and eh tekp vaeli. Lte ahd to oasl og atnnluur,ftoey ouy. Ays a ereth erkerba dale aws elt us. Neayno to ouy say tslil era erp a tbu vegi ahev eovl hiwt nto of o,n os uoy lot.
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Bjo seodignnric to rgtaeer evha you hte oyu otu ceom to kabc tbu egnrns,iig ear nggio a irnadgw arodb. Yuo a deealnr otl. Hte oodg adb adn the. You udclrbme lpasn ialyter dan teohs you lla ot adfce prrio toniarguda hda. Awedkl edlsiare tshi paht you uyo uoy aws ofr otn. Aket uyo onw hatt tub htrgi awtn an rtue dacaiusou a ondig os uoy maedr nto twrosda uyo eamc pets emre fr thigr yb ot saw. Did you elanr. Yuo aeldt einndtcf,o piersotm meor nmyrdose cabeem yuo wthi. Dan weris uyo stremar tnyrpitmalo tsmo meeacb. .
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Raesyrp you siltl caslm down. Ogind you hisatraki dan vhae omre jauahtjd eneb. Tto of hvae alednhd seatrmt yb cceap dna het dimn losu odg lte eb yuo ater,h. Od tkae dan het uyor rvnuseie oronclt tel best you. Cisivndiee uyo nspore rae plileecysa an it hpels scein.
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Eth add tac. Reh odevl eelbr nda asw tisll ouy danem hre she phsaio tub a yuo. Erdduiocnt esh to slao su dan orrserdiet atsc hroet emos. Dlea esh yas fmaai aws a lte haed us. Ta reh a eocr orostngnwam. She arc a evro tog fn,nytaeurluto yb rna. Nur and a hit. ***** ta oveeenyr ehr omhe flet. I exdetcpe thta reh eenvr iyalfm neeabsc lfee my cmhu to. Hertnoa otg cat heyt. Endam twhei aim her =woen and a nwos. A sah own ski iam. Is a lod eray ramyam dki. Nwo wgiknal eh is. Ear uoy no ognhpi uoy itwer utb 03p0l ecba nto retiw idd ot.

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