A letter from Jul 29, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Happy birthday to you!!!Although it was yesterday(if it got sent on the 29th). You are loved. You are cared for and you deserve the best. You are not perfect but you want to be better. And I write this, I'm a bit teary. I don't know why. I can't say but I hope whatever it is I feel now, it's not the same. Right now, I'm struggling to study for pl 300 and well hoping I finish my pending course. I hope everything is waaay better next year. I hope wherever you are, you choose yourself first. Be greedy but also selfless. Don't let your choices be the reason another person suffer. Work hard. Be happy please. I hope you still journal. It's the one thing that brings you out of these sad moods. I also hope you are with your person. The one person that you fall head over heels in love with. You are dating someone now and well,treading waters. I don't know if you will be with him next year or how it works out. I just hope whatever happens is good for you. Do you have a job? Do you feel insufficient? Is the country better? Do you still struggle with imposter syndrome? Is life better or it can be better? Right now, I'm scared. Real scared. It's not the looming threat throwing Abuja into dark days that has me waking up by 3-4am. It is the fear of what is waiting for me. I read spoilers to know what's happening in the future but with life? I can't look for a spoilers like with movies. You have to watch whatever happens play out in real time. Prayer calms me down but never fully make the fear go away. I just hope I can face this life thing head's own and come out with my head above water As you read this, I want you to smile. Go out and laugh. Make new things and memories. Start whatever you plan on doing. I know it's scary but just start. Splurge on yourself. Go and challenge the world. There's nothing you can't do. I hope Sophia is till alive tho. You were scared when you got gifted your first pet...a cat. Now, she would be a year old. Hope you trained her good and she's one happy cat. I hope your still friends with the person who gave her to you. Go text him something humorous about it. Maryam baby will be almost a year old too. I hope you spoiled him real good. I need to get back to studying and distract myself from this depressing emotion. In sha Allah it gets better.