A letter from Apr 6th, 2022

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's me! Past you! i just wanted to give you a quick update about myself currently. im not really in a place i want to be. i still feel incredibly lonely and out of place. i stopped talking to Maryam, Olivia and Alizeh, i dont sit with them at lunch anymore, nothing. I basically have no friends right now. despite all of that, im still getting solid grades, tho im still **** with deadlines (thats Past-Us' fault not mine). exams are almost coming up and im honestly pretty stressed about them. i already know my planning skills are ****, so what if i dont study enough? or worse: what if i fail? Well anyways i suppose you already know the outcome so i wont bother you with my exsistential dread. currently, i have been clean from selfharm for a beautiful 2 months and 12 days!!! we will get there! we are gonna do and feel better! its gonna take a while before we fully feel better and like we belong, but i cant wait for that day. :) Also, i changed the strings on our guitar so hopefully we'll learn how to actually play soon. AND mom and dad said that once we have the money, they will get me a beginners bass!! ive been playing bass in music class and i really like it so i really just want to continue. (We went to a studio today to record a song and i played bass too it was really cool) I have been keeping a diary where i write about my day every day and its been going pretty solid! thats the one routine i can follow. Also, during this vacation im gonna be volunteering at the club. pretty darn cool if you ask me. Also also, im trying to be less "pushy" with myself when it comes to gender and *********. As you might remember, when we were 12/13 we identified as trans (transmasc specifically) and bisexual and that was it. then i identified as a nonbinary lesbian but it didnt feel right. so now i just keep it unlabeled. i know im not straight or cis, but i just cant quite find the right label. so, no labels for now. maybe youve found one now that ur older but me right now is confuzzeled. but yeah. i suppose everything might work out in the end. How about you? how are you doing? and hows the new school???? anything that thickens any plots? maybe friends? perhaps a LOVER??? id love to hear back from you, but for now, good luck and the most love ever!! CYA!! ur past, 15 year old self <3

Epilogue

3 months later

Hi past me! I just wanted to give you an update as to where im at. Im not doing too good, i dont really like my study and i had...

Nhtik tub tmhe i inedsrf uepst i. Atlk lagd a(nd lvoiai mnoyera rmmaay ezhlai btu do im istll i or to ot i uoatb leotnhys ltka thta) ontd. Vddai oasl ela, i olresc dna rz,lnooe to owrk and mofr a cbeame tol. Ghan otl faert wkor uot a ew. I gto toh ma isrtf het iltsl bom uhhorgt at tshi slitl ubt eeadsdinl ithw nve(e nda i eno mi wscthi zuc ryea nwat we all our )lla ni to aslte shit at sode ift desistu sssdetre nto me emit. Owh ackb thta me hvea f,rgehiasnml ot sleeera i i a i sesrtsed atehs nebe jtsu wonk i knwo so hbcti sele dnto is ilfe undsotlh erstss hatt nda i nad utb to leryla am. Oelbng elygnniue i pnpeha ontw i adn feel i iltsl tujs fro stuj dont hatt kiel me yen,erahw kntih. Dnto otnd i a i dha pyla ahve ilslt ownk ga,ritu antc i tetler tills a tliun rade i ma bas,s who oftorg lltsi and i i i hatt dyiar lympeleotc tihs. Eht teherginvy wkosr out hoep alyrel nde in i.
Eayh tub. A nca itb ot to ntomgishe i uzc to fi ohep ddsstviyurao ees adn yrella im encnouti histcw ot ondt i sdtseiu (i ytado my he)er alkt i ignog anc nawt fsti rtebte hatt idfn. Nac elfe si to a ewn mi rgtiny yrentigevh hte rgitin nhta lot and si i olsoch gd,oo eyra d2n osrwe ftris syhlotne. Iknda iekl do unf tseonlyh dutsy rtyetp i ont eth leraly do stuj ist ilke t,nnhiersip erlyla my rleyla i utb. Sah het tnehdnin leraly wtore ceins tplo only oyu. Aeerdyyv drhrea i aredhr usjt a is listl aveh oelrv odtn gintget nda nda.
I uyro ot ees cluk in iswh elcpa uyo iths the veyr texn enli and ophe estb eht ndfi fo i.
Omst rvee, eovl the.
Reya usf/taetpru 61( dlo) <3 uoyr fsle.
//03292(8)20.