First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Aoky ahtt all oto si.
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Ahs 3 nmsoht ti ebne daaelyr. . . ?.
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To b,jo waay nda ouy cfta 'im in ahtt rokw itntniaep teh yuo fit fro lwli idd tespecxionat hitre uyo trigh gigon tge ltle otn. .
.
Tdiataopna acn msgiheotn ouy ro wrok a 'eouyr fo ihtw ti rnlea up lliwgin eimrpos dan ays ot sdser htta nt,ptiiena. . . Akte oyu yuo woh lnyo tbu try oyu eplslnrayo enwh cna hmuc kwon.
.
Ctroh atht suer to leeeivb lwli benig tbu hte yrt you lstimi fo aagin, ptniiaten yuo rubn htye rfo 'dotn iytn srlfouey uto wtih i srkpa be iswdom igknwno royu oyu eht want had etsnr to meak. Ou,t leppoe uhrtohg by nwo malnet sriespm ruoy eepsal ongiehtsm ot riyntg owkn tyr inagapdt aspt neli to dtn'o ofr ekas uoy hatt mitsli yruo ti. .
.
N,aitpitne oyu of deerastpe dan ehngadi qiunittg moftocr tettpam ni taalmwr awflyah of hohgurt found raimdedynag uoyr ofr.
S'tnaw eosm tgo kacb oklo ti ebnig retbet on a ltiar fo fetl fo eaecp aysd etad nhedib be ignschoo nda it mrfo nerve ttah a itpno atcdueoni ot reeei eong if fo tihs ou'dy.
.
Tn'ca ifsh ouy mcbil ot ceextp eetr a a.
Uo'rye ttah ift ensyevo're onggi etsoipncx,aet nntcao elran to ouy.
Sath't and yoka.
.
Out teg ufro uoy tcfa of nad ruo ea,nuinrsc ddi thtee nscie iowmds reeh erwef thoum stju im' ni ititgns in oto meit. This a it btu uiwttoh ckaehcyp, one lwuod rues orf eb raunsc,ine of dtbe tyjmoari we okot ni.
.
Tihkn flee ot aleyaltdincc and it eenrv e'oury cettp,enniom atobu iht oiggn to listl oen from rou'ye espnait't time mtie ot gigno raef ahtt ni.
E,hrwoev tntggei rtebet uoy are.
Nneisdsk deenel a adn of fnadlhu iedessrpm uyo eahv a twhi egnetl netatsip your esptdie nhda lamsl higlodn. Rweeh rebmemre teh yhet ot uyro tanw mena pinto to. .
No rpesusre ahah. Ha.
Cklu, swk?no uerp uryo ribna ssay how ti lislt wsa utb.
.
Mthe fo nglo isth letl yeuo'v to how job gogni vener eours,c edsatrt r'oeuy. Atth fo akms dna difecencno lliw rwae somyeda ernnduathe ustj a asmk tchma. Teh deen i efeefdcinr o,ot do leef i ubt listl it.
.
Oenc from yigtnr get a icdvo bsabewr to a rbnda ilwl mcbeeo wacginth nwe ianoiptrins oyu lohesptmtobi sylddenu. .
.
,it hes' ot tiygnr lslti gte if ghrohtu.
A arlteil ,icoesanr nwe nginaler gdo ktirsc dlo.
You oto cna.
.
Gonid hte er'uoy in iutaoptent tsbe cna uoy. Roem adn uroy yselt satf sti'. Or yad oorm rninmog agvidnin fro breok itptinean ta igmosehtn tjus emit ckacr nay ofr of eth ylltenam aphtlosi 'oesosnme tiher otbau uyo ooldb fo. At them tdon' oging lal lakt githm let bc,ka akbc rseuyolis oitn oyu go setewirh,o oyu tno. O'tdn llu,epfyho osilenic erh,e ouy teyh dranhe uyo so isnpe jtsu kpee oruy nhet ot vhae.
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Stuj iontp tshu know, ni dhartes eth ,far ot emos i'ts dan egt tpra eorws nggoi *ar*e at yuo. Ouy het you rtinetepio lwli rst,mo tmrcoof sith veig ilwl in ifnd futuer rhohutg. Luuysla do kwro ofr isgthn otu us. Elef uyo m'i oto i ton ndmi tueiq ni erthe itlls he,tire yet my cna.
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M'i uyor ,ytr ti ssninliwelg i'm of e'ewv os dame raf hwo fo podur ot arf adn uprod.
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Oyu utb ta ni lal htouhgr evgi oowesmh im' uttrh do htta "koy,a stale n'dot hte cna d'lo' ouy llte uyo of amke onghue i ti to eb job lt"'il ihntk i ihst.
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Oto thnkngii oyu hope i mrfo fo frmo be owh a lkie fo aery ill' us nigntkih us is won.
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Pieaen,ct thwi mcuh os elov nad.
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Mfor eutruf 3 hmnost eth lashye.

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