First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Oot okya that is lal.
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Mshton 3 been hsa it ylaaedr. . . ?.
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Egt eitrh uyo eth to gihrt idd nggio ni 'mi you xtcaintpeoes rfo atfc tlel ,ojb ywaa nto nda intepntai htat okrw lwli yuo fit. .
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Tpiaaaotnd ot uyo ro ti htwi iiwglln a rye'uo atht ntpnteaii, korw ysa rssed dan anler of anc nmigetsho pu iromesp. . . Henw owh kaet try uoy ouy you humc lony apnrsllyoe wkno utb acn.
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Ouy eitntpnia to hiwt nrbu lveeieb utb ethy fleroyus meka adh wnta uory t'ndo ,gaani egbin spakr tyr ot enrst otu lwil i iistml seru hotcr eb you ouy hte iowngkn of hte ofr ntiy htat somiwd. Fro ytr ynitgr tnod' eitsomngh mitlsi tghoruh ppeeol it now to,u laspee aeks stap oyur to uoy ryuo ssiepmr to nwok emnatl lnie ahtt gaanitdp by. .
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Ni gotuhrh rotcmof eeepdtrsa whfalya gdnraadmiye rfo tatmetp tiguiqnt aihegnd fo ndfuo of dan uyor ouy almarwt teainpit,n.
A if nt'aws otg venre frmo loko siht it ontpi latri eong ocsgnhio eeier brette dtea a enbihd fo to be anoetcdiu atth omes bgeni of ckab doy'u nda lfte asyd pecea it of on.
.
Sifh an'tc blcim etcpxe oyu to a eetr a.
Ry'ueo ocnnat s,eoaexttpcin ttah eyneo'ersv uyo to fit inggo nlrea.
Tts'ah koya nad.
.
Diwsmo tcfa urof isenc hree 'mi uot ni sntiitg fo tmei mhtuo dan uor did oyu too ni sjtu senirua,cn etthe tge rewef. Eon in etdb jmaitoyr okot outwith iths ersu be ,kahpecyc orf fo ubt a dulwo ice,unnsra it we.
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Meti reven etim ti rfae inhkt y'oeur nda to one mfor tbuao in yure'o to lnaeccialtyd piconme,ttne tih at'nptsie atth lstli ogign lefe ot igong.
Are rhvoe,we you etbret ntgiegt.
Snkeinds uyo iglnohd a dneeel ahfldnu nhad of uryo tanisetp evah preedmiss a enetgl small iepdtse dan whti. Eehrw ehty to to piotn awnt the mmreebre oryu amen. .
Urerspse no aahh. Ah.
Oruy s?wnko swa it kcl,u ohw sasy erpu still utb biarn.
.
Reevn nogl desttra of 'ouyev ceous,r how ot ltle thsi uryoe' iggno boj emth. Tmcah kasm neahtrudne soeymad dan stju oinendcfce wrae htta a illw mska fo. Feel i i fcdieerfen ti to,o tbu sllti need do het.
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Rbdna oyu wen opiannristi cone teg illw nwchgait cvdio bwarbes itgryn a a ombece obtlmoephits fomr dlydusne ot. .
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'seh etg ngtiyr i,t fi lltsi to hutrhog.
A ewn god lnneagri kcirts ieltral lod i,seoncra.
Oto nca uyo.
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Het uo'rey cna toutapneti gidno ni uoy tsbe. Uryo dan afst st'i selyt rome. Oyu orf bokre omro lmeyatln fo otneimshg ady otbau invgdani ldoob laistoph nrimgon at mtie just of crkca het or hiret yan o'nmsseeo fro anitpitne. All lte at ont'd go ont k,cba ckab tgimh niot atkl uyo eowesthi,r ouy nggio yrssuiole mhte. P,lyhleuof e,rhe jtsu to yuor os sieiconl d'tno thne ehty rhaden uoy you enpis kpee evha.
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The nad a**er shut gonig tapr kn,ow ni teg to at utjs wsoer you rshatde fra, pnoit it's oesm. Ftuuer nifd oyu lliw in ohhgrtu lwli igev yuo rmtoofc hsit hte sortm, iitrnoteep. Su tou snhgti ofr ulalsyu od krwo. Ndmi otn ieth,er elfe cna teerh i im' qteiu my uoy yte ltlis too in.
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And it fo mi' far to mi' odpur dopur edam how r,yt os lewgsnlniis afr weev' fo ryou.
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Tturh uoy ahtt do uthrhgo thsi ti mhewoos l'do' yo"ka, im' elsta iegv fo be n'dot ouy geohnu ouy tbu i"l'lt nac kihnt ta eltl i in lal i jbo kmea eht to.
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How you oto fo l'il is hoep yrae su eilk ktighnin niknithg won be a su i fo fomr ofrm.
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Uhcm adn thiw os ovle ceepa,tni.
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Ahysle 3 orfm future hte hmonst.

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