First Day After Interview [Already Overwhelmed]

Peaceful right?

Dear Ashley, Today is June 17th, this day you will find out if you actually did well on the phlebotomist interview. Right now you're in that limbo phase of not getting the call yet; hopefully they don't call when I'm writing this. Already I feel like I am overwhelmed with expectations, and I haven't even seen what the shadowing is like yet. Yes, I am fully certified, however it's been a year since I have even used the skills I have been taught. This is a brand new hospital to me, and as well woth it brand new expectations. If they call me back with the good news, I'll be begining my journey in this career on June 21st. If they call me back with decline, in a way I feel relief and will work at Walmart or a grocery store. At least I know with Walmart they're supposed to give you insurance full time after a couple of months, unlike how they seemed to only want me on 'on-call' at first which has absolutley no insurance. If I do make it, I'm going to be polite but stern in at least having part time. I'm not touching that road until I actually know the ropes with the shadowing. I feel like I only know the order of the drawing of tubes, everything else has evacuated the moment they heard I actually needed them. I miss college and my small college job. It's the type of scheduling and role I've known my whole life, and it's just suddenly never going to be like that again? I am excited, of course I am. The biggest problem is this overwhelming fear of incompetence and I'm going to mess up someone's test, or even arm somehow. That drowning fear is rolling ontop of everything like a thick tar. I just need to remember that I made it through the certification. I've collected blood 70 times. But... That was a year ago. My brain keeps screaming 'What if I'm not ready?!' But I'm trying to call out back 'What if I'm ready to try?' By the time you read this it will be three months from today. Please tell me how you are doing, because I can't wait to be where you are. Please tell me it will be all okay.

Epilogue

5 days later

Hey Ashley,

I want to tell you it will be all okay,
but you and I both know there will be times when we will be *anything* but okay.
However,...

Too kyao lal si atht.
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Ahs 3 alradey it eben mnthso. . . ?.
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Ont fit uoy uyo retih the teg llwi did korw llet atth eotsciptxnae uoy tcfa nad rof gogni ,ojb aawy grtih i'm tpeitnain to ni. .
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Asy re'yuo to dna ro pu it pninateti, fo yuo illingw that erimsop aitndoaapt ssedr acn nrale a egthsnmio okwr twih. . . Owh lseypanrol yrt ownk teka tub hmcu olny oyu cna you nweh you.
.
Fo eth iwth hda iitatnnep iynt miilst sfeyluro seur nnogkiw domswi eelvibe wnat ubt ouy eamk hte unbr gaani, rouy ryt htat for uto tsren tohcr srpak eb tdn'o ouy ot i iwll to yhet inbeg uoy. Won to mseipsr esak nokw it yb panigdta to u,ot oeihsgnmt pats mtlane ntyrgi leni esapel uorhght royu uoy nodt' rty lmitis orf ttha elpepo ryou. .
.
Dteeersap fo aitine,tpn fo tmptaet trhouhg ofcomrt ofdun rtwamla tguiinqt uryo ouy fro adn hagiend ryegndaidma in whylafa.
Oaunidetc uydo' olko peeca ntwa's dna ti it if of no a edat ogen goischno fmro ot edibnh reeei fo nveer iths italr a ckab osme tefl of bgnei niopt eretbt otg sady eb ttah.
.
Ihfs a ouy rtee a mclib execpt tc'an ot.
Ov'neyeers eranl fit yuo htta pceatoixne,st eyou'r ogngi ot natocn.
Dan ah'tst okay.
.
Adn siuca,nnre mosdwi fo im' oto ehre foru gte out imet sgiittn oyu in iecns ctaf ddi wfere thumo utjs ehtte ni ruo. Rnusca,eni ubt iuthowt ti of we shit a ,ekcpcyah ni ktoo resu for ludwo oen yjatrmoi tdbe be.
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Nda ttinaep's to ernve toaub arfe eelf uyore' ggino onigg knhit it tiem eno ith omrf to mn,eonpticet ni uo'yre ot itme that aycdltlcnaei tilsl.
Etertb nttgegi vehroe,w you are.
Lslam hvea itnsteap ilndohg nufhald ihtw and oyu kdnssein eenedl stipeed ipedsmres fo a oryu nhad a etelgn. Oyur ethy nmea to nopit ot teh reemerbm wnta werhe. .
Haah peerussr no. Ah.
Peur llsit ubt who ti swa kcl,u oury yass iabnr wkso?n.
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Veern boj tetarsd hetm owh to sith 'uryeo nogl fo eov'yu ,sucroe eltl giong. Kmsa htat nnhutardee hamct a tusj needicfnoc illw amsk wrea syaemod adn of. Tslil od it i i efel fidecfeern het but ,oto deen.
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Ot ednuydsl orfm nytrgi baeswrb nstioipnari ilwl neoc gte a ebomce yuo nrabd nwe vidco totbhsmipeol tgihncaw a. .
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H'es tslli tiryng fi to t,i rhotguh get.
Sorcaen,i lod icsktr rletali ogd lgianner a wne.
Oyu too nca.
.
Bets the pnettituao nac ogind oyu ni 'ueyor. Ist' ftas yuro mero and tsley. Uyo ofr fo at ro obodl rkboe smotgnhei utsj tlenylma of ofr 'smeeoson mroo ningomr annvidgi abtou herit nya yda het ckrac htliopsa tpitaienn iemt. Oyu gngio atlk back ot,erwshie og all ,kabc yiuolssre uyo iont o'ntd mhet elt not at ightm. Eiscoinl keep earhnd to'nd inpes to you so hyet your uyo er,eh heav yfpulh,leo sutj thne.
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And ingog worse uoy usht ta ni potin teh mseo far, eathdsr to juts tge trap ti's a**er nkw,o. Gvei lwli indf uroghth sith nitoreptei oyu oromcft het uoy iwll in or,stm eufutr. Kowr otu lsaluyu od su rof hitsgn. Feel ei,thre rheet i ym oot in tueiq ton sllit uoy yet cna m'i nidm.
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,yrt arf uodrp eadm fo fo rpoud it i'm os ot rouy adn who esinsgwlinl wev'e m'i raf.
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Selta ti nodt' eb all mehwoso teh cna akem ugnhoe ivge o"a,ky in t'l"il i'm i htouhrg od ihst httur uoy ouy iknth l'od' ltle to uoy ta of bjo btu i htta.
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Us pheo a how us uyo oto of onw si 'ill fo ihtnngki i ilke be khgntiin omfr rfom eyar.
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Wiht velo hmuc os adn npi,eetca.
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Alyhse 3 eufrtu eht mrof mhsnto.

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