A letter from Jun 12, 2022

Dear FutureMe, Everyday is a painful reminder that I'm growing up. That I have to make big decisions in my life that might mess up the future. The anxiety is overwhelming. When you are reading this, you will have graduated from high school and you're spending time with friends as your final days together. I hope you have found something you want to do. As of now, my biggest stress is applying to schools and settling on a major. I have no doubt it'll be really stressful and make you want to **** yourself at times. It'll make you groan and cry out to God and ask Him why things are like this. I just had a meeting with my college counselor and my mother was there and I have never wanted to just burst out into tears more. She wants me to apply to medical schools or CS or do software engineering or informatics and all of that. I don't. I really don't. I'd **** myself if I was a CS major. If that meant I had to code for the rest of my life, sitting behind a computer screen coding, I'd weep. Part of me feels like I was meant for something more... I know I have previously stated that I wanted to go into the health field and it had been something I wanted to do because I thought it was good. I think I was so fixated on it because I wanted to make a difference in the world and be able to see it. But at the same time I found myself scared because I knew the sorts of things healthcare is known for. I hope you're happy with whatever college you've gotten into and for whatever major you got in for. It is all God working behind the scenes to get you somewhere in the future. You've worked extremely hard these past four years and you deserve to be happy. Don't forget all the tears that have been shed and all the pain you've endured. Even though we are suffering from a major case of Impostor Syndrome, just remember you're competent!! You have the skills. Don't be scared to eat bitter. Also, remember to hang out with your friends as much as possible this summer. Spend everyday together if you can. Try to see who else is going to your university too and make friends. I know that it sounds weird coming from me who hasn't even begun senior year. But I really hope you succeed, and I hope you're happy.