A letter from May 31st, 2022

Dear Alexandra, I honestly thought that there was a letter waiting to be sent to you for your 21st birthday but there isn't so that's where I come in. Happy 21st. I know we've always found aging to be weird, and now at 20 we still don't feel like an adult yet. It's scary as there are so many things in life that you aren't aware of, and so many things that you are hoping for. I do wish the best for you, and that you are taking the steps you need to to grow and have the life you are dreaming of. I don't think that much is going to change in the five months between me writing this letter and you receiving it but just in case I'll tell you where I am at. I am still working as a front desk agent at the hotel. I like the job but I'm getting tired of this 9-5 schedule. Are we doing anything different? Along with that, have we moved into a new place? That's one of my goals right now, to find a place of my own instead of having roommates but it is difficult. I cannot afford to do it here in Austin, so I have been considering moving back to our hometown. What did we end up doing? I also want to start school, but without needing to work at the same time. I always have trouble managing a job and school, so please tell me that we are able to figure that out. I know the stress from Ma makes us want to do otherwise but please don't let her stop you from doing what you want to do. You know that this is your life and that at some point, you need to take a stand and live your life the way you want to. Please don't let her continue controlling you. You deserve so much better than that. Along with that, are we still with John? By the time that I am writing this, he is supposed to be coming back in a few days but two weeks from then, he is supposed to find out whether or not he will be leaving soon again. I really hope he didn't leave, I like him a lot and I want things to continue with him. But I know that it is a possibility, so if he did end up leaving, what happened after that? I have been having some issues with my mental health recently. I know that it would be a lot better if I went and saw someone and got some help but I'm scared. I'm also tired. I want this to be over with, I don't want to feel this way. If things haven't gotten better, please, see someone. I know what can happen if this goes untreated and while we may feel that we don't care, somewhere deep down, we do. It's a seesaw really. Because one day I'm happy with how things are and I plan for my future. but the next day I don't even see a life for myself. I'm not going to actively do anything but I know that if something happens, then that's that and I'd get what I wanted. I just worry about hurting those close to me. Please be okay. I didn't mean for this to be a sad letter, but I am concerned about us and I really just want what is best for you. I hope that you find yourself, I hope that you find what you have been looking for. You are an amazing person and I am proud of you for making it this far. I love you, Alexandra. Take care and please write back. Sincerely, Your Younger Self P.S. Listen to Secret for the Mad by Dodie Clark, Tokyo Drift by Teriyaki Boyz, Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, and Don't Forget Where You Belong by One Direction